Would you please correct my homework?

[Dany]

Hello everyone.

I have to write a critic about a film.

I would be very glad, if you improve my grammar. If you have some suggestions for improvement to write a critic, it would be very nice of you when you say it to me.

Thanks in advance

The horse whisperer

The horse whisperer is a film about a book which was written by Nicholas Evans. I never had read the book, but the film is very good. There is one part, which I don’t like to see. It’s the part about the accident which the girl Grace had with her horse Pilgrim. It is very brutal to see as they crashed with an lorry. After the accident, Grace lost one of her legs. Pilgrim was very afraid and agitated.

The mother of Grace, Annie, want to help the horse to get trust to humans again. She drove with her daughter and the horse to a farm, where the horse whisperer Tom Booker, who is played by Robert Redford, lives. In this film, Grace is a moody and bitchy child. That’s really unbelievable. If I were Grace, I would be agitated.

At the end of the film, there is one part which is in conflict with the rest of the film. That is one part, which I really don’t like. The horse whisperer had developed a language to talk with horses. It is a kindly language of signs. But at the end, he tied the horse up. So it had fallen down and Grace could get to her horse to sat down on its back. I couldn’t believe that. I think, that this makes undo the story about this film.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by Dany

The horse whisperer

The horse whisperer is a film about a book which was written by Nicholas Evans. I never had read the book, but the film is very good. There is one part, which I don’t like to see. It’s the part about the accident which the girl Grace had with her horse Pilgrim. It is very brutal to see as they crashed with an lorry. After the accident, Grace lost one of her legs. Pilgrim was very afraid and agitated.

Say:

I have never read the book, but the film is very good.

There is one part which I don't like to watch.

More later.

I don't think it is a film about a book, I think it is a film based on a book

"It is very brutal to see as they crashed with an lorry."

It is very brutal to see as they crashed with a lorry.

[al125106]

So it had fallen down and Grace could get to her horse to sat down on its back.

"to sat" is definitely wrong, it should be "to sit"

[ram]

How about:
The film "Horse Whisperer" is a film based on a book written by Nicholas Evans.
I have not read the book but I found the film good.
There is a part, however, that I do not like but is essential to the story. It is the part when one of the main characters, a girl named Grace, had a riding accident with her horse Pilgrim. The horse and the girl collided against a lorry and the accident left the girl physically handicapped and the horse emotionally crippled.
Grace' mother, Annie wanted to help her daughter and her horse. She asked the help of a horse whisperer Tom Brooker, played by Robert Redford. During this part, Grace exhibited moodiness instead of agitation. To me, this behaviour seems unusual and not close to reality.
Towards the end of the film, there were scences which to me are not belivable ie 1. horse whisperer developing a nonverbal language understandable by a horse 2. horse lying down so that Grace can ride on his back.

I have not seen the film. I just re-wrote your piece. I hope Ronbee or Tdol can correct this for us.
RAM

[Dany]

Thanks to all for your help.

RAM, your criticism looks very good to me. Unfortunately, I had to give up my homework on Tuesday. Thanks for your help

Kind regards,
Dany

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by ram

How about:
The film "Horse Whisperer" is a film based on a book written by Nicholas Evans.
I have not read the book but I found the film good.
There is a part, however, that I do not like but is essential to the story. It is the part when one of the main characters, a girl named Grace, had a riding accident with her horse Pilgrim. The horse and the girl collided against a lorry and the accident left the girl physically handicapped and the horse emotionally crippled.
Grace' mother, Annie wanted to help her daughter and her horse. She asked the help of a horse whisperer Tom Brooker, played by Robert Redford. During this part, Grace exhibited moodiness instead of agitation. To me, this behaviour seems unusual and not close to reality.
Towards the end of the film, there were scences which to me are not belivable ie 1. horse whisperer developing a nonverbal language understandable by a horse 2. horse lying down so that Grace can ride on his back.

I have not seen the film. I just re-wrote your piece. I hope Ronbee or Tdol can correct this for us.
RAM

That's good! I have just a couple of minor suggestions and a couple of comments.

Say:

Grace's mother, Annie, wanted to help her daughter and her daughter's horse.

She sought the help of a horse whisperer, Tom Brooker, played by Robert Redford.

Does moodiness seem unusual under the circumstances? After all, Grace had just lost her best friend. (Moodiness can last longer than agitation.)

(I saw The Horse Whisperer, and I recommend it.)

[harrymick]

Hi, everyone, let me try do teach a fish how to swim.

Ram, I thought you might misunderstand Dany by the following part.
Towards the end of the film, there were scences which to me are not believable ie 1. horse whisperer developing a nonverbal language understandable by a horse 2. horse lying down so that Grace can ride on his back.Let’s see Dany’s meaning.

The horse whisperer had developed a language to talk with horses. It is a kindly language of signs. But at the end, he tied the horse up. So it had fallen down and Grace could get to her horse to sat down on its back. I couldn’t believe that. I think, that this makes undo the story about this film.

If I understood Dany’s meaning correctly, It should be that, since the horse whisperer had developed a language to talk with horses, in this case, he didn’t have to tie the horse up in order to fall down it . on the contrary, he could completely ask the horse keep down by the language he had developed.


That’s all hope you won’t angry with me

[ram]

You are most probably right. I have not seen the film. I must have misinterpreted Dany. Thank you.
Thanks Ronbee for the corrections.
RAM