edit exchange student essay please help
hi i am an exchange student from pakistan i am applying for a 4 day conference in washington d.c and i need some help with editing my essay.
please halp me i feel that there are many mistakes , even if its all edited i dont mind as long as it turns out good.
this is what i should write about
Topic: How your experience in the YES program has influenced your perspective on life.
thais is the essay :
I remember walking down the street one day , looking only to what is in front of me and not what is around , I recall having no clue about some phrases such as leadership , community service, change, and many other phrases that are uncountable . I only remember a small vision of my dream that had a blurry side, a dream of being who I wanted to be, a dream of attaining something different, and a dream of being who I am right now. I've always known what I wanted since I was a little kid and tried to make sure to accomplish that . The most important thing to me was to achieve my dream .
I, ve always had doubt about that. but being an exchange student in the yes program and going through the whole experience taught me more about myself, and who I want to be , It simply changed my life and its whole perspective .
There are many different aspects in life that I didn't know or think about before going through the yes exchange program like leadership , and volunteer work . These two play an important role in what I gained from my experience , they changed how I look to others and everything around me .
The most important question that started following me the day I came back to pakistan is what should I deliver to my country from the yes experience? because the experience that I went through is not only about me, it's about making a change.
Our country faces many issues that needs to be taken care of and our job is to put a hand in that and share all what we learned from the yes program to our home country , like getting involved in community service , leader ship and many other things that can affect our country in a positive way .
If I would look at myself before going through the yes program experience and after that I would find many reasons for making a change because of the several experiences I went through which I would have never gone through in my country and through these different experiences , I developed a whole new perspective of life and that is responsibility towards my country , my family and myself .
And the meaning of responsibility here is sharing my experience back home . which states the whole purpose of an exchange program.
Each and every individual that went through the yes program shared the same experience , but the change they did after that to their country is the difference between each one of them.
Iím sure that I learnt many things from the yes experience like responsibility , independence, a new culture , making new friends and many things that I cannot miss but the most important thing is how to gather all these experiences , develop a new perspective and make a change .
After going through the exchange program experience I can now find the difference because when I will walk down the street this time I will look at everything around me with out ignoring it . I'll look at the young child begging for money and realize that our country faces an issue of poverty and , I'll try to make a change or al least think about
making a change . I describe my experience like a focusing point that made me pay attention more in life and what lies beneath . It was a once in a life time experience that had an effect on my life and on others, going through this experience made me feel that I will be willing to make a change when ever I had the chance every and each day of my life.
please tell me what you think
thank you so much in advance for your help.
By ally in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 17-Mar-2009, 17:23
By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 04-Jan-2009, 16:49
By rmsh16 in forum General Language Discussions
Last Post: 11-Nov-2008, 13:54
By shoog in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 03-Jun-2007, 04:37
By Edil in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 27-Dec-2006, 21:06
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO