Which Translation Sounds Better Englsih?

[Rosamond00]

For each topic, there are two translations provided. Please highlight the better one (in language, grammar, structure…etc) If there are specific parts you would like to highlight in each translation, please do.
Much obliged indeed.

1) Abu Bakr:

Abu Bakr who was by virtue of his high place of estimation of the Muslims, was hastily elected as a caliph of the Muslims. He was considered a man of wisdom and moderation. He addressed the Muslims after being elected as a caliph of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, saying," I am charged with your affairs though not the best of you. Nevertheless, the Quran has been already revealed, and the Prophet has taught us and we learned. Know that the intelligent of you are the God-fearing, and the most foolish are those who deviate from the truth. The one who is considered the strongest is the feeblest to me till I get the right from him. The one who is feeble is the strongest to me till I get his right back for him. Oh, people, I am an adherent not an originator. If I behave well, support me; if I swerve, lead me back to the right path.


Abu Bakr was quickly chosen as a caliph of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, by virtue of the high estimation (position) he had among Muslims. He was considered wise and moderate. Upon his election as a caliph, he addressed Muslims saying," I was chosen as your caliph though I am not the best. It is that the Quran was revealed and the Prophet taught us and we learned. Know that the sages of you are the God-fearing, and the most foolish are those who deviate from the truth. The strongest of you is the weakest for me till I get the right from him; and the weakest is the strongest to me till I get his right back to him. O people! If I act righteously, support me; if I deviate, straighten me out.


2) Recollections of Childhood:

The first sense of sorrow I ever knew was upon the death of my father, at which time I was not quite five years of age. I was rather amazed at what was going on at home. I remember that I went into the room where his body lay, and my mother sat weeping alone by him, and I shouted," Papa, papa." My mother caught me in her arms and told me that in a flood of tears that Papa could not hear me, and would play with me no more, for they were going to put him underground, and he could never come to us again.


Childhood Memories:

As far as I can remember (recollect), the first time I felt sad was upon my father's death. Back then, I was barely five years old. I was wondering what was going on at home. I remember entering the room where my father's body lay. There, I found Mother sitting alone beside it weeping. I shouted, "Papa, papa." Mother held me in her arms. With tears streaming down from her eyes, she said that father could no longer hear me, and would not play with me any more; for they would put him underground, and he would never come to us again.


3) International Trade:

Commercial relations arise not only between different parts of the same state, but between different regions which have no direct political connection. If trade is to be regular and constant, however, the two trading parts must come to some kind of understanding as to the terms on which they meet and do business. In modern time there are ample facilities for trade between civilized countries. There are: fax, international phone calls, e-mail, and the internet. It is expected that electronic trade will thrive during the next ten years.


There are commercial relations not only between different parts within the same country, but also between different regions which have no direct political connections. At any rate, for the trade to be regular and stable, the two trading parts must reach understanding as to the terms on which they agree and do business. In our modern world, there are a lot of (plenty) facilities for trade between civilized countries. There are: fax, international phone calls, e-mail, and the internet. It is expected that electronic trade will thrive during the next ten years.


4) Dr. Samuel Johnson:

Dr. Samuel Johnson, the son of a small bookseller in Litchfield, without any advantages of birth or fortune, raised himself to a position unrivalled by any other man of letters of the time. He taught the world that learning need not be dull. Dr. Johnson had some odd habits such as touching every post in the street as he walked. He also used to treasure up scrapes of orange peel in his drawers. But, apart from these odd habits, Samuel Johnson was a store of sound learning, and what was even better, a truly tender hearted.


Dr. Samuel Johnson, the son of a small bookseller in Litchfield, managed without fortune or any other inherited advantage to attain a high position, unequalled by any other man of letters in his time. He taught the world that learning need not be dull. Dr. Johnson, however, had some strange habits. He would touch every post he passes by in the street. He even used to pile up (store) scrapes of orange peel in his drawers. Apart from these strange habits, Mr. Johnson was an erudite and, above all, truly tender-hearted.

(What is the difference between each\every? Are they interchangeable?)
(Is Orange-peel uncountable??)

[Monticello]

For each topic, there are two translations provided. Please highlight the better one (in language, grammar, structure…etc) If there are specific parts you would like to highlight in each translation, please do.
Much obliged indeed.

1) Abu Bakr:

Abu Bakr who was by virtue of his high place of estimation of the Muslims, was hastily elected as a caliph of the Muslims. He was considered a man of wisdom and moderation. He addressed the Muslims after being elected as a caliph of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, saying," I am charged with your affairs though not the best of you. Nevertheless, the Quran has been already revealed, and the Prophet has taught us and we learned. Know that the intelligent of you are the God-fearing, and the most foolish are those who deviate from the truth. The one who is considered the strongest is the feeblest to me till I get the right from him. The one who is feeble is the strongest to me till I get his right back for him. Oh, people, I am an adherent not an originator. If I behave well, support me; if I swerve, lead me back to the right path.


Abu Bakr was quickly chosen as a caliph of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, by virtue of the high estimation (position) he had among Muslims. He was considered wise and moderate. Upon his election as a caliph, he addressed Muslims saying," I was chosen as your caliph though I am not the best. It is that the Quran was revealed and the Prophet taught us and we learned. Know that the sages of you are the God-fearing, and the most foolish are those who deviate from the truth. The strongest of you is the weakest for me till I get the right from him; and the weakest is the strongest to me till I get his right back to him. O people! If I act righteously, support me; if I deviate, straighten me out.


2) Recollections of Childhood:

The first sense of sorrow I ever knew was upon the death of my father, at which time I was not quite five years of age. I was rather amazed at what was going on at home. I remember that I went into the room where his body lay, and my mother sat weeping alone by him, and I shouted," Papa, papa." My mother caught me in her arms and told me that in a flood of tears that Papa could not hear me, and would play with me no more, for they were going to put him underground, and he could never come to us again.


Childhood Memories:

As far as I can remember (recollect), the first time I felt sad was upon my father's death. Back then, I was barely five years old. I was wondering what was going on at home. I remember entering the room where my father's body lay. There, I found Mother sitting alone beside it weeping. I shouted, "Papa, papa." Mother held me in her arms. With tears streaming down from her eyes, she said that father could no longer hear me, and would not play with me any more; for they would put him underground, and he would never come to us again.


3) International Trade:

Commercial relations arise not only between different parts of the same state, but between different regions which have no direct political connection. If trade is to be regular and constant, however, the two trading parts must come to some kind of understanding as to the terms on which they meet and do business. In modern time there are ample facilities for trade between civilized countries. There are: fax, international phone calls, e-mail, and the internet. It is expected that electronic trade will thrive during the next ten years.


There are commercial relations not only between different parts within the same country, but also between different regions which have no direct political connections. At any rate, for the trade to be regular and stable, the two trading parts must reach understanding as to the terms on which they agree and do business. In our modern world, there are a lot of (plenty) facilities for trade between civilized countries. There are: fax, international phone calls, e-mail, and the internet. It is expected that electronic trade will thrive during the next ten years.


4) Dr. Samuel Johnson:

Dr. Samuel Johnson, the son of a small bookseller in Litchfield, without any advantages of birth or fortune, raised himself to a position unrivalled by any other man of letters of the time. He taught the world that learning need not be dull. Dr. Johnson had some odd habits such as touching every post in the street as he walked. He also used to treasure up scrapes of orange peel in his drawers. But, apart from these odd habits, Samuel Johnson was a store of sound learning, and what was even better, a truly tender hearted.


Dr. Samuel Johnson, the son of a small bookseller in Litchfield, managed without fortune or any other inherited advantage to attain a high position, unequalled by any other man of letters in his time. He taught the world that learning need not be dull. Dr. Johnson, however, had some strange habits. He would touch every post he passes by in the street. He even used to pile up (store) scrapes of orange peel in his drawers. Apart from these strange habits, Mr. Johnson was an erudite and, above all, truly tender-hearted.

(What is the difference between each\every? Are they interchangeable?)
(Is Orange-peel uncountable??)

Hi Rosamond00,

Above, I've highlighted in red the translations that sound more natural to my American ear. Perhaps the ones that I didn't choose are literal translations from the original language (Arabic?)?

As with any other tangible item, one can certainly count a number of orange peels.

Please see this recent thread regarding your question on each/every.

[thod00]

I only read the first one:

Abu Bakr who was by virtue of his high place of estimation of the Muslims, was hastily elected as a caliph of the Muslims. He was considered a man of wisdom and moderation. He addressed the Muslims after being elected as a caliph of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, saying," I am charged with your affairs though not the best of you. Nevertheless, the Quran has been already revealed, and the Prophet has taught us and we learned. Know that the intelligent of you are the God-fearing, and the most foolish are those who deviate from the truth. The one who is considered the strongest is the feeblest to me till I get the right from him. The one who is feeble is the strongest to me till I get his right back for him. Oh, people, I am an adherent not an originator. If I behave well, support me; if I swerve, lead me back to the right path.

What first strikes me is that you are repeating information. You have already told us the subject and you should be using pronouns.

Abu Bakr who was by virtue of his high place of estimation of the Muslims, was hastily elected as a caliph of the Muslims

You introduce the subject, Abu Bakr, then you state the reason, then the action. Without the reason this would be:

Abu Bakr was hastily elected as caliph of the Muslims.

This is a complete sentence. You could add your reason at the end to give:

Abu Bakr was hastily elected as caliph of the Muslims due to the high esteem in which they held him.

Notice I used 'they'. You have already said 'the Muslims' so I already know who 'they' refers to. Likewise I know that 'him' refers to Abu.

The position you introduced your reason would make it a sub clause.

Abu Bakr, due to the high esteem in which they held him, was hastily elected as caliph of the Muslims.

If you take away the sub clause the sentence is as the original, it is only there to add extra information. Note that I used 'they' before stating 'the Muslims'. Its acceptable because its clarified in the sentence.

He was considered a man of wisdom and moderation.

This is fine, we know who 'he' refers to already. You didn't say Abu again.

He addressed the Muslims after being elected as a caliph of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, saying," I am charged with your affairs though not the best of you.

We could use them instead of 'the Muslims' here. We have already said he was elected caliph, so we could just say 'after being elected'. I know that Muslims have to say "peace and blessings be upon him" when mentioning Mohammed. It still seems strange in English because most English speakers do not know this.

[Rosamond00]

Hi Rosamond00,

Above, I've highlighted in red the translations that sound more natural to my American ear.

each/every.

Thank you, Mr.Monticello

Does this imply "Academic" beside "more natural"??

[Monticello]

Thank you, Mr.Monticello

Does this imply "Academic" beside "more natural"??

Hi Rosamond00,

I don't find the translations that I've highlighted above to be at all "academic." All of those highlighted read with a natural fluency.

In contrast, the alternates leave the reader with the sense of a literal translation. Though thod00 has not stated as such, thod00's comments about the first passage point out specific phrases and usages that would make this appear to be the case.