topic

[san2612]

I think I should put my essay here
Please help me to check my writing

One day the world's oil and gas reserves will run out. Alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power are causing as much environmental damage as the oil and nuclear power sources they are intended to replace.
- How far do you agree with this latter statement ?
- What possible benefits do the alternative energy sources bring ? Or what damage do they cause ?

70 years ago, human beings expected to use alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power for a long time in the future because they thought alternative energy sources would be clean and perfect for not polluting environment. However, in recent years, environmentalists have judged that alternative energy sources are causing environmental damage although it’s not as serious as the oil and nuclear power sources.

Wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power are comparatively safe and clean. They can replace the oil and gas that will run out. Alternative energy power can be used in many fields: hydroelectricity, thermo-electricity, running boats and other machines…. But they reduce or destroy biodiversity. For example, turbine of wind power causes noise to confuse ecosystem of wild birds, hydroelectric plants cause pollution that can kill aquatic animals….

People think that alternative energy sources will be cheap and economical. They cost less than oil and nuclear power. But in some circumstances, they are expensive. For example, we have to build hydroelectric plants near lakes even though those lakes are far from cities. It will also pollute the environment in the countryside. Therefore we have to pay price for building factories, transportation and re-creating the natural environment.

In conclusion, it is very important for us to find alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power. Also we should find suitable solutions to the environmental damage to make the world greener.

[Raymott]

70 years ago, human beings expected to use alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power for a long time in the future because they thought alternative energy sources would be clean and perfect for not polluting environment. However, in recent years, environmentalists have judged that alternative energy sources are causing environmental damage although it’s not as serious as the oil and nuclear power sources.

Wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power are comparatively safe and clean. They can replace the oil and gas that will run out. Alternative energy power can be used in many fields: hydroelectricity, thermo-electricity, running boats and other machines…. But they reduce or destroy biodiversity. For example, turbines of wind power cause noise to confuse ecosystems of wild birds, and hydroelectric plants cause pollution that can kill aquatic animals.

People think that alternative energy sources will be cheap and economical. They cost less than oil and nuclear power. But in some circumstances, they are expensive. For example, we have to build hydroelectric plants near lakes even though those lakes are far from cities. It will also pollute the environment in the countryside. Therefore we have to pay price for building factories, transportation and re-creating the natural environment.

In conclusion, it is very important for us to find alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste and water power. Also we should find suitable solutions to the environmental damage to make the world greener.

This is pretty good. Your conclusion is a bit weak though, for several reasons: i) we have already found the energy sources that you've listed.
ii) Much of your essay details the damage done by these alternative sources, but you still say it's very important that we find them.
Also, are you sure about the historical accuracy of your first sentence?
On a brighter note, thank you for taking note of my advice about ellipsis ; however, try not to use them too often. When you use 'for example', you don't need to follow the list with an ellipsis: you have already indicated that your list is not complete. So, I'd delete the second one.

[san2612]

Thank you very much for your comments.
I have corrected my conclusion

In conclusion, although it is important for us to use alternative energy sources, we have to find suitable solutions to reduce the environmental damage they cause. Only when the world is green can we stay healthy.


What do you think about it?

[Raymott]

Thank you very much for your comments.
I have corrected my conclusion

In conclusion, although it is important for us to use alternative energy sources, we have to find suitable solutions to reduce the environmental damage they cause. Only when the world is green can we stay healthy.


What do you think about it?

Much better.