[Essay] IELTS writing task 2. Please correct my essay!

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It appears that children are often more friendly to their mother than father, regardless of which country or which culture they come from. This could be the reason why many people nowadays raise their voice, disseminating that both parents should get involved in their children equally. I go along with this idea since this also happens widely in my country, where children are afraid to contact their father so often. In my opinion, raising a person is not only a mission of only mothers, but fathers should be concerned about this as well.

First of all, Most children find their father unapproachable. This is probably because the head of the household, who goes to work in order to support their family, is usually father. It is a fact that lack of care from father could be very dangerous to children’s life. The situation would be more serious when both parents go to work.

However, forcing fathers to stay at home every day to spend more time looking after their children sounds impossible. Although women have had a right to go to work. Nowadays, we cannot deny the fact that men are more favoured to get a job than the other sex. Hence, fathers should be the persons who spend more time at work, inspite of the fact that this could lead to a heart-breaking scene that fathers and sons/daughters scarcely meet.

Therefore, although father’s role should be as important as mother’s. Wives are always dearer to their children than husbands unless the gentlemen change their behaviour towards the children. Raising a person involves developing not only their body, but also their mind and spirit. Consequently, both parents should get involved. That is to say, mothers play a role in building up the body, while fathers foster children’s mind and spirit.

To sum up, rearing children is a collective responsibility of both fathers and mothers, no matter who decides to have babies. Moreover, although it would be better if fathers were more close to their children’s heart, this could be unlikely to happen since fathers are still often the persons ‘bringing home the bacon’. After all, daddies’ changing attitude towards children would be also a solution to this problem.