A Leader Or Member

[san2612]

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Is it better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group?

My essay:

Henry David Thoreau said “Men are born to succeed, not fail”.
In my view, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member because there are lots of advantages to be the leader of a group.

First of all, the leader stands out among the crowd. He is attended for his talent and skill. He is more important than anyone else. If there were no leaders, the company, a group, a team could not develop.

Second, the leader receives more money and privileges than a simple member. He has more chances to go abroad to improve his knowledge. For example, my uncle is a leader, he is very rich. He has a big house, drives to work everyday and goes on holiday quite often. When he realizes some new project for developing the company, he receives a reward. Everyone admires him.

Thirdly, the leader has more chances to develop his personal skill. He attends the meetings, the conversations, makes a speech and states his ideas to everyone in the company. He becomes more responsible for the company’s activities. For example, if something goes wrong, he will fix it.

In conclusion, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member. As for me, I want to be a leader when I grow up because I like my job to be a challenge.

235 words

Please help me to check my essay. Is it short? Thanks very much in advance

[csheywood]

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Is it better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group?

My essay:

Henry David Thoreau said “Men are born to succeed, not fail”. A catchy way to start; it's not quite clear though how the comment relates to the following sentences. Should I, a reader, understand that success comes through leadership?
In my view, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member because there are lots of advantages to be being the leader of a group. A good sentence because you suggest that there are reasons for your opinion.

First of all, the leader stands out among the crowd. He is attended to for his talent and skill. He is more important than anyone else. If there were no leaders, the a company, a group or a team could not develop.

Second, the leader receives more money and privileges than a simple member. He has more chances to go abroad to improve his knowledge. For example, my uncle is a leader, and he is very rich. He has a big house, drives to work everyday and goes on holiday quite often. When he realizes some new project for developing the company, he receives a reward. Everyone admires him. Good supporting sentences, but another example in addition to your uncle would be appropriate because the first sentence in the paragraph gives the impression this is always the case.

Thirdly, the leader has more chances to develop his personal skills. He attends the meetings, the conversations, attends meetings and holds conversations with staff,makes a speech and states his ideas to everyone in the company. He becomes more responsible for the company’s activities. For example, if something goes wrong, he will fix it.

In conclusion, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member. It's important to remember that you should try to summarise the points of the main part of the essay, not just repeat what you said in the introduction.As for me, I want to be a leader I would like to be a leaderwhen I grow up because I would like my job to be a challenge.

235 words

Please help me to check my essay. Is it short? If you have written much less than suggested it means you may not have developed the idea as well as you can. You repeated what you said in the introduction. Instead, you can state other aspects of the argument such as possible disadvantages to being a leader, and still indicate your position in the conclusion when you summarise. Thanks very much in advance

Some ideas for thought.

[san2612]

Thanks very much, teacher. Your comments are useful. I will take note of them. Thank you once more.

[san2612]

I have corrected my first two paragraphs. Please help me to correct it

H. Ross Perot said “When building a team, I always search first for people who love to win. If I can't find any of those, I look for people who hate to lose.”
So is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member ? I would prefer to be the leader simply because I love to win and hate to lose. Besides there are lots of advantages of being the leader of a group.

First of all, the leader stands out among the crowd. He is attended to for his talent and skill. He is more important than anyone else. If there were no leaders, a team could not develop because each member has their own ideas include both good ones and bad ones. If there were nobody to gather these ideas and choose the best one, the team would face many difficulties.

Secondly, the leader receives more money and privileges than a simple member. He has more chances to go abroad to improve his knowledge. For example, my uncle is a leader, and he is very rich. He has a big house, drives to work everyday and goes on holiday quite often. When he realizes some new project for developing the company, he receives a reward. Everyone admires him.

Thirdly, the leader has more chances to develop his personal skill. He attends meetings and holds conversations with staff. He becomes more responsible for the company’s activities. If something goes wrong, he will fix it.

In conclusion, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member. As for me, I would like to be a leader when I grow up because I would like my job to be a challenge.

293 words

[csheywood]

I have corrected my first two paragraphs. Please help me to correct it

H. Ross Perot said “When building a team, I always search first for people who love to win. If I can't find any of those, I look for people who hate to lose.”
So is it better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member ? This time the quote is more appropriate because it's something to do with 'teams.' I would prefer to be the leader simply because I love to win and hate to lose. Besides there are lots of advantages of being the leader of a group I would use the word team 'here' because it keeps the ideas together..

First of all, the leader stands out among the crowd. He is attended to for his talent and skill. He is more important than anyone else. If there were no leaders, a team could not develop because each member has their own ideas include inlcuding both good ones and bad ones. If there were nobody to gather these ideas and choose the best one, the team would face many difficulties.

Secondly, the leader receives more money and privileges than a simple member. He has more chances to go abroad to improve his knowledge. For example, my uncle is a leader, and he is very rich. He has a big house, drives to work everyday and goes on holiday quite often. When he realizes some new project for developing the company, he receives a reward. Everyone admires him.

Thirdly, the leader has more chances to develop his personal skill. He attends meetings and holds conversations with staff. He becomes more responsible for the company’s activities. If something goes wrong, he will fix it.

In conclusion, it is better to be the leader of a group than to be a simple member. As for me, I would like to be a leader when I grow up because I would like my job to be a challenge.

293 words

The beginning sounds more together. It can be difficult to keep thoughts to some kind of track, because often our minds are moving on to the next points while we write. I still think you can provide more examples though, in the second paragraph.