teaching writing an invitation letter in formal style

[ziawj2]

I had my student write an invitation letter that invites his friend to a dinner party at his home. He was expected to write the letter in formal style.
His letter is:
Dear Ann,
I moved to my new home a few days before. Our whole family is going to hold a dinner party at 7pm on October 4 at our new home. I am pleased to invite you to come. If you could, please contact me in advance so that I could tell you my specific address. And on that day I would show you around my home and would be very pleased to introduce my friends to you.
I am looking forward to having you with us that day.

Sincerely,
Cecily

I made some changes. Could you proofread it and make it formal? Thank you!

Dear Mrs. Smith,
It is pleasing to inform that I have moved to my new home several days ago. In celebration, a dinner party will be thrown at 7 on October 4 in it. It was most honored to extend to you an invitation to the party. If you could attend, please notify me beforehand in order that I could inform you of my new address. And that day I will be pleased to show you around my house and to introduce my friends to you.
Yours sincerely,
Cecily Zhang

[Grumpy]

I'm sorry to say that I think your student's original letter is a better one than yours; chiefly because it is not necessary, when writing in English, to embellish sentences with phrases like "It is pleasing to..." and "It was most honored to ..." [which is also wrong grammatically]. Also, when writing such a letter, you will have put your new address at the head of the page, so there is no need to tell Mrs Smith about it again - she will recognise it as a new address. Finally, even in a formal letter, you would address a good friend by her first name.

I would write the letter as:

Dear Ann [or Dear Mrs Smith - no need for a full stop after Mrs}
We moved into our new home a few days ago, and I would like to invite you to a celebration dinner here at 7pm on October 4th. Please let me know if you are able to came. I look forward to showing you round the house, and introducing some of my other friends to you.

Yours sincerely

Cecily Zhang

[Barb_D]

My only change, and I'm sure it was just a typo, is that it should be "able to come" not "able to came." Although I am confident Grumpy knows it's a typo, I didn't want someone else to be confused by it.

Also, in the US, we do use the . after Mr. and Mrs. so if you are writing to an American audience, use the period.

I completely agree that statements like "It is pleasing to inform" are not at all necessary to add to the formality and, in fact, are incorrect in your "correction."

[Grumpy]

Thanks, Barb_D. Typing is not one of my strong points. My hunt-and-peck technique sometimes pecks awry....

[Barb_D]

Oh, sweetie, you have miles to go before you're in the same class as 5jj and me when it comes to typos!