text - linguistic analysis

[rochachat]

Hi everyone
how would you analyse this text?
Many people believe that life should be enjoyable. Since ancient times, human beings have made an effort to get what they want. For example, they invented cars so that they can do lots of things in a short time. However, cars use fossil fuels and that is a bad thing.
I think cars are overused in the world. In every city it can be seen that millions of cars are being used. Besides the cost is very expensive, the combustion of their engines emit carbons dioxide. This is a pollutant. In addition, their pollution will cause another complicated problem. It’s a fact that by using a car people can easily travel everywhere when they want. Because they are safer in a car than travelling by bicycle. However if I think ecologically, using a car poisons the atmosphere and the earth.
So, people should look for alternative transportation. Like the bicycle. This transportation is very cheap. In addition you get extra exercise by using a bicycle. Furthermore, bicycles will not cause pollution. So the continuation of living creatures is guaranteed. Another positive thing is that bicycles can be repaired when they get damaged. So we can keep them for a long time.
Although if it is rainy or hot, people can use jackets or hats to protect them. Therefore, using a bicycle has far more advantages than using a car.
Thanks

[rochachat]

Hi all

in my view this text is not organised, some sentences with no conjunctions makes the text has no flow (phrase to phrase, paragraph to paragraph), there is no conclusion or summary ... as the writer "summarise" abruptly... the writer use firs person to give his/her view which should be omitted as a written text.

plz give some help, what do you think about the writer's main difficulties?

how could be the writer's main problem?

how could he improve his/her written text (as an academic onte)?

thanks

[Tdol]

Read this discussion about the text: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/li...-analysis.html

There have been many posts on the same text.

[rochachat]

Thanks

[Tdol]

You're welcome.