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  1. outofdejavu's Avatar
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    #1

    Cool About literary technique

    Someone hawked his goods to me on the street. I picked one. Upon hearing the rip-off price, I gasped in an unnoticeable manner.


    Given this background information, which sentence among the following will cause a tense effect?

    a) I gasped unnoticeably.
    b) I gasped, unnoticeably.
    c) I gasped. Unnoticeably.


    Thank you.


    Best Wishes,

  2. isedehi's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: About literary technique

    Quote Originally Posted by outofdejavu View Post
    Someone hawked his goods to me on the street. I picked one. Upon hearing the rip-off price, I gasped in an unnoticeable manner.


    Given this background information, which sentence among the following will cause a tense effect?

    a) I gasped unnoticeably.
    b) I gasped, unnoticeably.
    c) I gasped. Unnoticeably.


    Thank you.


    Best Wishes,
    Option A please.

  3. outofdejavu's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: About literary technique

    In fact, (a) is what I wrote in my journal, but I don't think (a) creates a dramatic effect. In other words, I think the narrative style of (a) is banal, so I came here for opinions.


    Are (b) or (c) too off?


    Best Wishes,

  4. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: About literary technique

    You could say "No one noticed my gasp of shock."

    Or "... shocked gasp."
    Last edited by Barb_D; 23-Apr-2010 at 01:27. Reason: `
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #5

    Re: About literary technique

    Why gasp unnoticeably?

  5. Raymott's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: About literary technique

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Why gasp unnoticeably?
    I agree. I don't think it can be done. You can gasp 'unnoticed'.

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