Someone hawked his goods to me on the street. I picked one. Upon hearing the rip-off price, I gasped in an unnoticeable manner.
Given this background information, which sentence among the following will cause a tense effect?
a) I gasped unnoticeably.
b) I gasped, unnoticeably.
c) I gasped. Unnoticeably.
In fact, (a) is what I wrote in my journal, but I don't think (a) creates a dramatic effect. In other words, I think the narrative style of (a) is banal, so I came here for opinions.
Are (b) or (c) too off?
You could say "No one noticed my gasp of shock."
Or "... shocked gasp."
Last edited by Barb_D; 23-Apr-2010 at 00:27. Reason: `
I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.
Why gasp unnoticeably?