Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Jstuff36 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default My essay please review

    Hello, I am new to this website. I was wondering if someone would please review my essay. It is a college application essay. I recognize that I am not the best writer in fact I am quite bad but I am working with my English teacher to improve I usually have her review my essays, but it is due tomorrow and I will not see her before then.
    Thanks in advance!

    P.S. I am sorry if there is a specific thread for this type of topic. I looked but could not find one.

    Prose:
    Please describe one important activity outside of class during your high school years that has been an important experience for you, particularly one in which you have played a leadership role. Explain how this activity has helped in your own growth and intellectual or personal development. Maximum length: 600 words.

    When I first kicked a soccer ball this past summer I fell in love with the sport. After a summer of playing some of my friends, that played on the team, told me I should go out for the team. I knew I would not get much respect from the rest of the team outside of my group of friends because I would be a walk on senior. As I thought my decision over I decided that I have nothing to lose, it is my senior year. When I woke up at 5:30 the morning of the first practice I was as nervous as a bird in a hurricane but the weather felt great and the moment I touched the ball my worries went away. I began to enjoy myself and the nervous butterflies in my stomach flew away.
    Even though I never held a leadership position or was all that important to the team, soccer helped me grow more than anything else I did my senior year. Soccer taught me how to step out of my comfort zone. I now realize because of soccer that if you do not take risk and step out of your bubble you can not grow. Sure, it is possible and likely that it will not go as you planned, you could even embarrass yourself I know I did at times, but you just have to shake it off and go try again. Most people never step out of their comfort zone in high school which hurts them because they do not know how to in college when college is arguably one of the most important places a person should. This is because there is so much more to college than high school and if a person does not take chances they will miss out on incredible experiences or organizations that could shape who they are.
    I had a blast playing soccer for the one season I did and I regret that I did not start playing earlier in life. Soccer helped me learn a valuable lesson that I do not want to soon forget and that I will apply to college to make to the most out of it.

  2. #2
    Jstuff36 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My essay please review

    Someone please reply I have submit this today.

  3. #3
    blueskyenglish is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    8
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My essay please review

    Hi there a hurried soft-edit of your essay. I hope it helps you. :)

    When I first kicked a soccer ball this summer I fell in love with the sport. After a summer of playing my friends who are in the team, I was told I should try for the team myself. I knew I would not get much respect from the rest of the team outside my group of friends because I would be a walk-on senior. As I thought over my decision I decided that I had nothing to lose as it is my senior year. When I woke up at 5:30 on the morning of first practice I was as nervous as a bird facing a hurricane but the weather felt great and the moment I touched the ball my worries went away. I began to enjoy myself and the nervous butterflies in my stomach flew away. Even though I never held a leadership position and was not important to the team, soccer helped me grow more than anything else in my senior year. Soccer taught me how to step out of my comfort zone. I now realize that because of soccer if you do not take a risk and step out of your bubble you cannot grow. It is possible and likely that things will not go as you plan, and you could even embarrass yourself I know I did at times but you just have to shake it off and go try again. Most people never step out of their comfort zone in high school and this disables them in college when college is arguably one of the most important places a person should take risks. This is because there is so much more to college than high school, and if a person does not take chances they will miss out on incredible experiences or organizations that could shape who they are.
    I had a blast playing soccer for that one season and I regret that I did not start playing earlier in life. Soccer helped me learn a valuable lesson that I do not want to forget. When I apply to college I will make the most out of it.

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] Little essay to review
    By photodube in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-Apr-2011, 17:52
  2. [Essay] Please review the essay
    By mgn_v in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 22-Jun-2010, 06:20
  3. Could you please help review my essay?
    By vananh90 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 12-Sep-2009, 16:08
  4. could you please review my essay?
    By netalum in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-Jan-2008, 19:03
  5. my lpi essay need some editor to review my essay
    By gonghai in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 07-Mar-2006, 07:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk