American sexual slang

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Talagrim

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Hello, dear forummates. I have to ask you for your advice on some very unclear speech related to sexual intercourses.

- I'm totally stressing right now, man. Why hasn't she texted me back?​
- Maybe she thought the sex was garbage.​
- No, we didn't smash.​
- You said you "hooked up".
- No, I said we "messed around".
- Oh, so you got some top-shelf action.
- No, if I had done that, I would have said, "We just kicked it".

So what does mean everything in bold specifically? Especially I need to know about this top-shelf action. I doubt about the UD definition.
 
Especially I need to know about this top-shelf action. I doubt about the UD definition.
It means fondling breasts. The point of the dialog is that the person who says smash, messed around and kicked it is not speaking clearly. If he were, his interlocutor wouldn't have to ask for clarification.

What's a "UD definition"?
 
Urban dictionary
 
The first phrase smash specifically means 'engage in intercourse'. As GoesStation says, the next two phrases are vague, which is kind of the point.

I can't make sense of the last phrase We just kicked it. Where did you see/hear this dialogue? It seems possible to me that you may have transcribed the exchange in a confusing way. Are you sure the last line is not better written as follows?:

No. If I'd done that, I would've said. We just kicked it.
 
Grown-ish season 1 episode 3
 
I see. So you've written out the dialogue as you heard it. In that case, I believe my version makes much more sense. I think the final phrase We just kicked it is a complete sentence.

(I'm not totally sure about that, though.)
 
I'll try to do this with what I remember of forty-year-old slang:

- I'm totally stressing right now, man. Why hasn't she texted me back?
- Maybe she thought the sex was garbage.​
- No, we didn't go all the way.
- You said you got together and did it.
- No, I said we kissed and it got heavy.

The last two lines are really ambiguous. Two possible meanings:

A:
- Oh, so you said you had a really good time.
- No, if I had done that, I would have said, "we just chilled".
(I don't really think this weaker version is what they mean.)

B:
- Oh, so you said you got to second or third base. (And maybe with the mouth).
- No, if I had done that, I would have said, "it got real heavy, man".



 
Where I come from, "hook up" just means "meet up" or "get together".
 
Where's that bubbha?

Around here (Toronto) hook-up almost always means get together for sex. And as I was recently taught by my English-major daughter so does "Netflix and chill". If you think Netflix and chill does not involve sexual intercourse, welcome to middle age. So did my fortyish daughter until she was enlightened by a twenty-year-old.

And smash is pretty unambiguous too. I agree with the U.D. definition of smash, but reiterate yet again that U.D. is unreliable on the whole.

Kicking it, on the other hand, is not necessarily sexual. It just means relaxing and enjoying things. For example, kicking it old school may mean listening to old music or dressing up in old-fashioned clothes.
 
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Where I come from, "hook up" just means "meet up" or "get together".

Let's remember that words can mean different things to different groups of people.

My feeling is that the sense of hook up to mean more than just 'meet up' is very commonly used by younger speakers of American English. I highly doubt there is anything particularly regional about this.
 
I think jutfrank is correct. The divide on hookup is by age rather than by region.

But once a word or phrase has been sexualized it becomes impossible to use it in its older non-sexual sense. The word gay provides a good example. My father never got used to the modern meaning of gay, and grumbled occasionally that "they" had stolen his word.
 
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And a few years ago some gays were complaining that their word had been hijacked by young people. In the 19th century, a gay woman in Victorian slang meant a sex worker.
 
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