Andy had gone on holiday

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

Andy had gone on holiday as an ordinary tourist and returned as a hero. One morning, as he lay on a beach, enjoying the sun, he saw a boy struggling to stay on the surface. There was no lifeguards and just a few people, who didn't react. When he saw that the boy was unable to swim back, Andy jumped into the sea and swam as fast as he could and seized the boy. When they safely returned, the locals had already gathered on the shore. They carried Andy on their shoulders to the town hall, where he was greeted by the mayor, who told Andy he would be rewarded with a free holiday in their town as long as he lived.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Andy went on holiday as an ordinary tourist and returned as a hero.

There are problems with word choice. Also, it needs important details at certain points.

(Saving somebody from drowning can be very risky. You might wind up with two victims instead of one.)

 

[Bassim]

I didn't use more details because I didn't aim to write a short story. I tried to see if it is correct to start with the past perfect, but now I know that was wrong.

 

[Tarheel]

True story. I don't remember where I learned this, but a lifeguard explained what he did when rescuing somebody. Frequently the person will grab the rescuer around the neck. Then the lifeguard dives under the surface of the water. They always let go! Then the rescue can proceed as it is supposed to.

 

[Tdol]

How about deleting as twice from the first sentence?