Any of the previous times

[99bottles]

Here is a part of my text. The parts in bold are the ones that trouble me. Tell me if I've made any mistakes.

He looks around, as if he was expecting to discover something he didn't notice any of all those hundreds of times he has been here before. No, everything is the same as always. Wait, what is that thing over there? He would swear it wasn't here any of the previous times he came to this place.

 

[jutfrank]

The worst thing about this passage in my opinion is the confused mix of present and past tenses.

 

[99bottles]

The worst thing about this passage in my opinion is the confused mix of present and past tenses.

Umm... ok. Can you give me some further help? How should I rewrite it?

 

[Tarheel]

He looks around, as if he is expecting to discover something he hadn't seen before. No, everything is the same as always. Wait, what is that thing over there? He would swear it wasn't here before.

Danger!

 

[99bottles]

Danger!

What danger?

Isn't before too vague here?

 

[jutfrank]

Umm... ok. Can you give me some further help? How should I rewrite it?

Perhaps you should use only present tenses. Or only past tenses.

 

[Tarheel]

What danger?

That which is unexpected might be dangerous.

Isn't before too vague here?

He hadn't seen it before, so it was new and unexpected.

I rewrote it so it was all in the present tense.

 

[99bottles]

He looks around, as if he is expecting to discover something he hadn't seen before. No, everything is the same as always. Wait, what is that thing over there? He would swear it wasn't here before.

1. Why did you change was expecting? I used the past tense here because it's not like he was really expecting that. Is it wrong?

2. Why did you write hadn't seen before? I thought the past perfect was used for actions that happened before other stated actions in the past.

3. Also, I still need you to explain to me whether replacing parts of the text with before makes the meaning vague.

 

[Tarheel]

He looks around, as if he is expecting to discover something he hadn't seen before. No, everything is the same as always. Wait, what is that thing over there? He would swear it wasn't here before.

On second thought, I would change the last sentence to: "He could swear it wasn't there before.

1. Why did you change was expecting? I used the past tense here because it's not like he was really expecting that. Is it wrong?

The idea was to rewrite it so it was in present tense.


2. Why did you write hadn't seen before? I thought the past perfect was used for actions that happened before other stated actions in the past.

If you hadn't seen something before either it wasn't there or you just noticed it.

3. Also, I still need you to explain to me whether replacing parts of the text with before makes the meaning vague.

No, it didn't make the meaning less clear. (Why would I want to do that?)

 

[99bottles]

No, it didn't make the meaning less clear. (Why would I want to do that?)

Why replace would swear with could swear? Any special reason?

So you're saying that replacing any of the previous times he's been here before with just a before does not make the meaning less clear?

 

[jutfrank]

He looks around, as if expecting to discover something he's never noticed in the hundreds of times he's been here before. No, everything's just as it always is. Wait—what's that over there? He swears it's never been there before.