"As it is extremely difficult to predict what will happen next in life, taking risks is, in a way, an inevitable part of life, which extends to..."

[hardyweineberg]

This is my IELTS essay. Despite posting a very long essay, I have just a few questions. Also, although it's 339 words long, I finished writing it within 35 minutes.

As it is extremely difficult to predict what will happen next in life, taking risks is, in a way, an inevitable part of life, which extends to not only our personal live, but also our professional life. I believe that the benefits of doing this are more significant than the potential harmful effects, and I will discuss why in this essay.

Making risky decisions has some negative aspects. The main one is that it can cause anxiety. For example, if a boy knows that it is very unlikely that the girl he loves will return the affection, but still decides that he is going to inform the girl of his love, he may feel very worried for a very short period. Another drawback is that it can result in someone losing their job, possibly leading to them becoming poor and unable to provide for themselves. When managers make unsuccessful decisions that entailed much risk, for instance, they are frequently accused of not being insightful and subsequently fired.

The positive effect, nevertheless, outweigh these disadvantages. One of the advantages is that people can become wealthy by making risky decisions. Although some may dispute the validity of this claim, the fact that many people who placed bets with huge amounts of money became very rich as a result of this proves that this claim is in fact true. Additionally, by making very difficult decisions that many people think are not likely to yield favourable outcomes, one can ensure that his or her colleagues see him or her as someone who is very confident, thereby increasing his or her chances of being promoted to top positions such as a manager role.

In conclusion, while taking risks can lead to excessive worrying and job loss, I feel that the positive aspects of this make it more beneficial than harmful. This is not only because it can result in one becoming wealthy, but also because it can help one gain the respect of their colleagues.

1) Is it correct to say "what will happen next in life"?

2) Is using "doing this" a good way of referencing?

3) Would it be acceptable to use "it" in place of "doing this"?

4) Is it correct or wrong to say "return the affection"? Can I say "return this affection"?

5) Is it correct to say "...promoted to top positions such as a manager role"?

6) Is this sentence--"I feel that the positive aspects of this make it more beneficial than harmful"--correct?

7) Is it correct to say "placed bets with huge amounts of money"?

 

[Tarheel]

Life is unpredictable.

Taking risks is unavoidable.

The benefits of doing what?

 

[hardyweineberg]

Life is unpredictable.

Taking risks is unavoidable.

The benefits of doing what?

The benefits of taking risks. I use "doing this" to refer back to "taking risks", and I don't know whether that's okay.

 

[Tarheel]

If you mean to say "the benefits of taking risks" then in my humble opinion you should say exactly that.

our personal lives ...our professional lives

 

[Tarheel]

I would prefer "taking risks" to "making risky decisions".

Also: tell her that he loves her
And: She might not feel the same way he does.

 

[teechar]

[ 1] As it is extremely difficult to predict what will happen next in life, Taking risks is, in a way, an inevitable part of life, which extends and that applies to not only our personal, live, but also to our professional lives. life. I believe that the benefits of doing this risk taking are more significant than the potential drawbacks. harmful effects, and I will discuss why in this essay.

Making risky decisions has On the one hand, risks have some negative aspects. The main one is that it To start with, they can cause anxiety. [ 2] For example, if a boy knows that it is very unlikely that the girl he loves will return the affection, but still decides that he is going to inform the girl of his love, he may feel very worried for a very short period. Another drawback is that it can result in financial ruin. For example, someone might lose ing their job, possibly leading to them becoming poor and unable to provide for themselves, all as a result of a risky business venture. When managers make unsuccessful decisions that entail ed much risk, for instance, they are frequently accused of not being insightful and subsequently fired.

The advantages [ 3] positive effect of risks, nevertheless, [ 4] generally outweigh these their disadvantages. One of the advantages is that people can become wealthy such benefit is that economic progress often necessitates by making risky decisions. [ 5] Although some may dispute the validity of this claim, the fact that many people who placed bets with huge amounts of money became very rich as a result of this proves that this claim is in fact true. [ ] Additionally, by making very difficult decisions that many people think are not likely to yield favourable outcomes, one can ensure that his or her colleagues see him or her as someone who is very confident, thereby increasing his or her chances of being promoted to top positions such as a manager role.
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[ 1]: That is not a good start. Avoid delving into controversy/discussion/causal analysis in the introduction. Keep it simple.

[ 2]: That is a very poor example. You need to think of a better (more convincing/compelling one). Do some research on the Web if necessary.

[ 3]: “positive effects” is not necessarily a synonym of advantages.

[ 4]: Learn how to use qualification. That makes your writing less extreme (more defensible). For instance without “generally” in that sentence, the benefits of risk always outweigh the drawbacks; and that is difficult to prove.

[ 5]: That is also a bad example. Most people who gamble (place bets) lose their money!

[ 6]: That is a poor point. We do not take risks just to appear confident to others! Again, I suggest you do some research on the Web. Look up “advantages of taking risks”.

Revise and post below.

 

[Tarheel]

People make bad decisions or poor decisions.

 

[hardyweineberg]

[ 1] As it is extremely difficult to predict what will happen next in life, Taking risks is, in a way, an inevitable part of life, which extends and that applies to not only our personal, live, but also to our professional lives. life. I believe that the benefits of doing this risk taking are more significant than the potential drawbacks. harmful effects, and I will discuss why in this essay.

Making risky decisions has On the one hand, risks have some negative aspects. The main one is that it To start with, they can cause anxiety. [ 2] For example, if a boy knows that it is very unlikely that the girl he loves will return the affection, but still decides that he is going to inform the girl of his love, he may feel very worried for a very short period. Another drawback is that it can result in financial ruin. For example, someone might lose ing their job, possibly leading to them becoming poor and unable to provide for themselves, all as a result of a risky business venture. When managers make unsuccessful decisions that entail ed much risk, for instance, they are frequently accused of not being insightful and subsequently fired.

The advantages [ 3] positive effect of risks, nevertheless, [ 4] generally outweigh these their disadvantages. One of the advantages is that people can become wealthy such benefit is that economic progress often necessitates by making risky decisions. [ 5] Although some may dispute the validity of this claim, the fact that many people who placed bets with huge amounts of money became very rich as a result of this proves that this claim is in fact true. [ ] Additionally, by making very difficult decisions that many people think are not likely to yield favourable outcomes, one can ensure that his or her colleagues see him or her as someone who is very confident, thereby increasing his or her chances of being promoted to top positions such as a manager role.
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[ 1]: That is not a good start. Avoid delving into controversy/discussion/causal analysis in the introduction. Keep it simple.

[ 2]: That is a very poor example. You need to think of a better (more convincing/compelling one). Do some research on the Web if necessary.

[ 3]: “positive effects” is not necessarily a synonym of advantages.

[ 4]: Learn how to use qualification. That makes your writing less extreme (more defensible). For instance without “generally” in that sentence, the benefits of risk always outweigh the drawbacks; and that is difficult to prove.

[ 5]: That is also a bad example. Most people who gamble (place bets) lose their money!

[ 6]: That is a poor point. We do not take risks just to appear confident to others! Again, I suggest you do some research on the Web. Look up “advantages of taking risks”.

Revise and post below.

Taking risks is, in a way, an inevitable part of life, and this applies to not only our personal, but also our professional lives. I believe that the merits of risk-taking are more significant than the potential drawbacks.

On the one hand, risks have some negative aspects. One is that they can cause anxiety, which may lead to unhappiness and even depression if this mental state persists for a long time. During the COVID-19 pandemic, for example, after some doctors decided to continue seeing patients in order to prevent their employers from sacking them--a move that even though offered them financial security, involved the danger of them becoming infected with COVID-19 and subsequently dying--they had panic attacks. Another drawback is that it can result in financial ruin. Someone might lose their job, possibly leading to them becoming poor and unable to provide for themselves, all as a result of a risky business venture. When managers make unsuccessful decisions that entail much risk, for instance, they are frequently accused of not being insightful and subsequently fired.

The advantages of risks, nevertheless, generally outweigh these disadvantages. One of the advantages is that it leads to economic growth. Had China not devalued its currency 20 years ago, it would not have the best economy in the world, for example. A further advantage is that taking risks in our personal life helps us overcome our fear of failure by allowing us to realise that we learn from our experiences when we fail. To illustrate, it was not until I invested all my savings in a shawarma business and lost all my money, that I discovered that it is a bad idea to invest all of one's money in one business; this vital lesson I learned made me perceive failure as an opportunity to improve my knowledge and gain more experiences.

In conclusion, while taking risks can lead to excessive worrying and job loss, I feel that the positive aspects of this make it more beneficial than harmful. This is because it facilitates economic growth and because it can help one to conquer his or her fear of failure.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

gain experience

Or

acquire experience

And not

gain experiences

 

[Tarheel]

Risk is unavoidable. Everything is a risk. Even crossing the street is a risk. The question is which risks should you take on willingly and which should you avoid?

 

[teechar]

The advantages of risks, nevertheless, generally outweigh these disadvantages. One of the advantages is that it leads to enables economic growth. Had China not devalued taken the substantial risk of devaluing its currency 20 years ago, it would not have the best economy one of the strongest economies in the world today, for example. A further advantage is that taking risks in our personal life helps us overcome our fear of failure. [1] by allowing It also helps us to realise that we learn from our experiences when we fail. [2]

[1]: That is a separate point.
[2]: Try to give a better example.

 

[hardyweineberg]

[1]: That is a separate point.
[2]: Try to give a better example.

Example: when recreational footballers play in positions they are very uncomfortable in, they quickly learn how to manage the fear that comes with being in unfamiliar situations, thus reducing their fear of making mistakes.

 

[Tarheel]

Playing sports can help you learn how to take risks.

 

[teechar]

Example: when recreational footballers play in positions they are very uncomfortable in, they quickly learn how to manage the fear that comes with being in unfamiliar situations, thus reducing their fear of making mistakes.

OK, but use Tarheel's sentence as an intro to that example.