Continuation - The Birth of a Writing Enthusiast

[FishClever]

Please check the following sentences and make any necessary corrections (especially I'm wondering if my rhetoric and subject on underlined words would be fit).

A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news. I won the first prize! Hearing this, I stood still with my mouth widened, not knowing what to put on my face because I had never imagined the winning for a long time. As astonished as I am, all my classmates cast their gaze to rejudge me, and after someone clapping their hands, cheers and applause snowballed into a lasting thunderstorm. I must be wet, for the storm blurred my vision. Later at the award ceremony when holding the firm trophy still in excitement, I couldn’t help thinking of the one who had been firmly supporting me: where is he?

I went to my teacher's office after the award presentation. Entering with the shining trophy, I smiled sincerely to my guide. He looked up and smiled back, “Congratulations!” Then, I expressed my heartfelt appreciation and credited this little yet significant achievement to her. But to my surprise — “It’s mostly your own effort having paid for it. And you’ll be better just with belief in yourself.” I nodded and deeply cherished them to heart. Since then I went further and further as a writer, a never ever expected road, truly because of his unfailing inspiration and guidance.

Background information if needed:

I, a middle school student, was forced by my teacher to enter a writing contest, which is beyond my ability. With many times of rewriting, I felt the enjoyment in it and just ignored if I would win the competition.

(There still seem to be so many words... This may be my first-but-last continuation here)

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

A few weeks later, when I had forgotten about the contest, I got the news. I had won first prize!

You need to work on your tenses

 

[FishClever]

You need to work on your tenses

You're right. I've been reading The Secret Garden, in hoping to improve my fluency in writing and identify the relation between verbs. This may be helpful on my tenses.

 

[Tarheel]

Try

I was surprised. I was stunned. I was delighted. I felt every conceivable emotion.

 

[Tarheel]

cheers and applause snowballed into a lasting thunderstorm.

That part is clever.

 

[Tarheel]

Pleas


As astonished as I am, all my classmates cast their gaze to rejudge me,

Until this point the reader doesn't know you are in the classroom. The transition is rather abrupt. Rather than "prejudge" I would say something like, "My classmates looked at me with new eyes."

How did the teacher force you to enter the contest?

Prefer "small" to "little" there.

 

[Tarheel]

I guess you could say you firmly hejd your trophy, but why would you? As for firm trophy, no.

 

[tedmc]

You're right. I've been reading The Secret Garden, in hoping to improve my fluency in writing and identify the relationship between verbs. This may be helpful on with my tenses.

Tarheel told you to work on your tenses. The reading was helpful with your tenses.

It’s mostly your own effort having paid for it. And you’ll be better just with belief in yourself.

I think this could be better expressed.

 

[FishClever]

How did the teacher force you to enter the contest?

Prefer "small" to "little" there.

I guess you could say you firmly hejd your trophy, but why would you? As for firm trophy, no.

Maybe it's more proper to say "persuaded", I think.

Oh, I've looked up Oxford Learner's Thesaurus, and it said, "small -- degree; little -- feeling, you think it is not important". So, it's strange to use "little yet significant".

As for the reason why I mentioned the trophy, I wanted to express that it weighed a lot to my heart, so I unconsciously held it firmly. But it's nothing, no need to worry, I'll just ignore it until some useful phrases jump out while reading.

 

[FishClever]

I think this could be better expressed.

I think this would be better — "This has been achieved mainly with your own effort. And just with belief in yourself you’ll be better."

 

[Tarheel]

In English we would use a very simple phrase, thus: "You earned it!"

You carried the metaphor about the storm a little too far. Nobody would expect you to get wet from applause.

 

[Tarheel]

It’s mostly your own effort having paid for it. And you’ll be better just with belief in yourself.” I nodded and deeply cherished them to heart. Since then I went further and further as a writer, a never ever expected road, truly because of his unfailing inspiration and guidance.

Did they really really say the first underlined part? What do you mean by "deeply cherished them to heart"?

**something I never thought I'd do.

 

[Tarheel]

I think this would be better — "This has been achieved mainly with your own effort. And just with belief in yourself you’ll be better."

You just need to believe in yourself.

 

[Tarheel]

The entire thing is fiction, isn't it?

 

[FishClever]

The entire thing is fiction, isn't it?

Lighting the Candle: A Wild Ride

From the May/June 2021 special issue of The Horn Book Magazine: The Pura Belpré Award at 25.

www.hbook.com

In fact, It is based on a real story linked below. However, the people who set the college entrance examination questions had adapted it to an easy-to-understand story like what I had posted before.