[Essay] ...ease into telling...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Gan was in his study writing in a book that was almost out of blank pages when Jingying walked in. “Are you eventually going to let me read your journal, you’ve been writing it for years, but you’ve never let me read even one page”.

Gan swirled the tip of his pen in a small ceramic pot of water then set it down on the desk. “You can read it anytime you should know that”.

Jingying said. “I don’t let you read my diary; I thought the same rule applied”.

Gan picked up the journal, blew on the words he’d just written to make sure that they were dry and handed her the journal. “Well, my journal is just about our adventures since leaving the city, not my private personnel feelings about life etc. Take a look and let me know what you think, I’ll even leave you some space for comments if you want”.
Jingying took the book, very reverently, Gan thought, and then left to read it in her own study.

Weifeng had planned to ease into telling Laohu that she thought she was pregnant, but he had pre-empted her with his direct question. “Yes, at least I think I am, my menses are late, and I'm experiencing nausea, throwing up too”.

For a moment, Laohu wanted to run as fast as he could and get his mother, but he calmed himself and said diplomatically. “I’ll go and get my aunt, she’s been a midwife for many years. Then I'll get our moms.

Weifeng nodded. “OK. But after you send your mother, when you get mine, please tell her I'm OK”.

 

[tedmc]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Gan was in his study writing in a book that was almost out of blank pages when Jingying walked in. “Are you eventually going to let me read your journal (no comma) you’ve been writing [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] for years, but you’ve never let me read even one page?”.

Gan swirled the tip of his pen in a small ceramic pot of water then [STRIKE]set[/STRIKE] put it down on the desk. “You can read it anytime you should know that”.

Jingying said. “I don’t let you read my diary; I thought the same rule applied”.

Gan picked up the journal, blew [STRIKE]on the words he’d just written[/STRIKE] over the wet handwriting to make sure that they were dry and handed her the journal. “Well, my journal is just about our adventures since leaving the city, not my private [STRIKE]personnel[/STRIKE] personal feelings about life etc. Take a look and let me know what you think; I’ll even leave you some space for comments if you want”.
Jingying took the book, very reverently (no comma) Gan thought, and then left to read it in her own study.

Weifeng had planned to ease into telling Laohu that she thought she was pregnant, but he had pre-empted her with his direct question. “Yes, at least I think I am, my menses are late, and I'm experiencing nausea, and throwing up too”.

For a moment, Laohu wanted to run as fast as he could [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] to get his mother, but he calmed himself and said diplomatically. “I’ll go and get my aunt; she’s been a midwife for many years. Then I'll get our moms.

Weifeng nodded. “OK. But after you send for your mother, when you get mine, please tell her I'm OK”.

.

I enjoy reading the story with a Chinese setting.

 

[rodgers white]

What about the rest, guys? Please give your minds and thoughts if you have found something wrong in the text.

 

[emsr2d2]

“Are you eventually going to let me read your journal? You’ve been writing it for years, but you’ve never let me read even one page”.

I note that tedmc, when correcting your original comma splice, turned the above section into one long question. I find that unnatural. For me, it should be written as above.

 

[emsr2d2]

What about the rest? [strike]guys?[/strike] Please [STRIKE]give your minds and thoughts[/STRIKE] let me know if you have found something wrong in the text.

The rest of what? tedmc has already corrected your entire text. There is no "rest"!

Edit: Despite my comments above, I have posted my own corrections and comments below.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Gan was in his study, writing in a book that was almost out of blank pages, when Jingying walked in. “Are you eventually going to let me read your journal? You’ve been writing it for years, but you’ve never let me read even one page”.

Gan swirled the tip of his pen in a small ceramic pot of water then set it down on the desk. “You can read it anytime. You should know that”.

Jingying said. “I don’t let you read my diary; I thought the same rule applied”.

Gan picked up the journal, blew on the words he’d just written to make sure that they were dry and handed her the journal. “Well, my journal is just about our adventures since leaving the city, not my private [STRIKE]personnel[/STRIKE] personal feelings about life. [STRIKE]etc.[/STRIKE] Take a look and let me know what you think. I’ll even leave you some space for comments if you want”.
Jingying took the book, very reverently, Gan thought, and then left to read it in her own study.

Weifeng had planned to [STRIKE]ease into telling[/STRIKE] find the right time/way to tell Laohu that she thought she was pregnant, but he had pre-empted her with his direct question. (There is a sudden and odd change of direction here. Who are these people? Is this the start of a new chapter? Also, you need to either quote "his direct question" or say "a direct question".)

“Yes, at least I think I am. My [STRIKE]menses are[/STRIKE] period's late, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] I'm [STRIKE]experiencing[/STRIKE] nauseated, and I've been throwing up too”.

For a moment, Laohu wanted to run as fast as he could [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] to get his mother, but he calmed himself and said diplomatically, “I’ll go and get my aunt. She’s been a midwife for many years. Then I'll get our moms.

Weifeng nodded. “OK. But after you send your mother, when you get mine, please tell her I'm OK”.

See my corrections (in red) and comments (in blue) above.

Note that no native English speaker, outside of a medical setting, would use "menses". In BrE, in this situation, most girls/women would say "I'm late" or "My period's late".

 

[Tarheel]

Gan: You can read it any time. You should know that.

She won't let him read her diary, but she wants to read his journal?

Have you considered having Jingjing say:

"I'll let you read my diary if you let me read your journal."

:?:

 

[rodgers white]

I note that tedmc, when correcting your original comma splice, turned the above section into one long question. I find that unnatural. For me, it should be written as above.

Thank you. I like the way you corrected the original comma splice. It is much more natural for me-clear and simple.

 

[rodgers white]

Gan: You can read it any time. You should know that.

She won't let him read her diary, but she wants to read his journal?

Have you considered having Jingjing say:

"I'll let you read my diary if you let me read your journal."

:?:

It is just the different perspectives from which we see things. For Jingying, she tries to undstand Gun from her own behaviour; for you, you just try to be fair. I mean if someone does a favor to you, then you do something reciprocal.

 

[rodgers white]

See my corrections (in red) and comments (in blue) above.

Note that no native English speaker, outside of a medical setting, would use "menses". In BrE, in this situation, most girls/women would say "I'm late" or "My period's late".

Got you and thank you. Yeah, you are right. There are some characters who seem to have nothing to do with each other. This text is just following the previous one.

 

[tedmc]

I mean if someone does you a favor [STRIKE]to you[/STRIKE], then you [STRIKE]do something reciprocal[/STRIKE] reciprocate.

 

[Tarheel]

See my corrections (in red) and comments (in blue) above.

Note that no native English speaker, outside of a medical setting, would use "menses". In BrE, in this situation, most girls/women would say "I'm late" or "My period's late".

Also:

I missed my period.