email to a client

[Joj]

Dear Mrs. X,
We promised you in our previous email that on Thursday, February 18th we will install our PV system and as I mentioned in my email we need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock; However, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down which delayed the checkout process.
We have two solutions for the installation either we install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables, then we install the batteries on Monday. Note that it takes 1 hour only on Monday to install the batteries. Or either we install all systems on Monday.

Kindly note that we will have to dig into the soil to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.
And if you can provide us with the internet cable that runs from your main house to the technical room where it will be connected to the monitoring device, or you can put a repeater.

 

[Flamenco1]

Dear Mrs. X,
We promised you in our previous email that on Thursday, February 18th we will install our PV system and as I mentioned in my email we need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock; However, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down which delayed the checkout process.
We have two solutions for the installation either we install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables, then we install the batteries on Monday. Note that it takes 1 hour only on Monday to install the batteries. Or either we install all systems on Monday.

Kindly note that we will have to dig into the soil to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.
And if you can provide us with the internet cable that runs from your main house to the technical room where it will be connected to the monitoring device, or you can put a repeater.

This seems like a very confusing email. I would have thought that you needed to apologise to your customer. It isn't their fault that your server was down.

• In a situation like this, you need the dates to be crystal clear. Which Monday?
• I would not expect the phrase "to dig into". "Excavate" would sound more professional. But in any case, such a requirement must have been known in advance. You would not be raising this now.
• "house"?
• "it will be connected to the monitoring device, or you can put a repeater." This makes no sense to me.

Is this homework or a serious business situation? In either case I'm happy to comment if you try again.

 

[Joj]

Hi Flamenco, thanks for your help.
Well, it's a serious business situation, but I would never sent it to a client if isn't clear and comprehensive.
This month, I'm gonna enter an English class but of course thanks to this forum, I'll get better and better in English.

• I would not expect the phrase "to dig into". "Excavate" would sound more professional. But in any case, such a requirement must have been known in advance. You would not be raising this now. (you are definitely right, but it's not a big deal cause the client have a garden so it's not gonna be a problem, but in any case i need to mentioned it. We will be passing cables inside a tube under the soil, because logically the distance between the pv and the technical room is around 50m so there is no other way to pass the cable to the technical room)

Dear Mrs. X,
We promised you in our previous email that on Thursday, February 18th we will install our PV system and as I mentioned in my email we need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock; however and unfortunately, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down which delayed the checkout process.
We have two solutions for the installation either we install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables, then we install the batteries on Monday 21 of February. Note that the batteries' installation takes no more than 1 hour to be connected to the system. Or either we install the hole system on 21st of February.

Kindly note that we will have to excavate 50cm into the soil to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.
And if you can provide us with an internet in the technical room, so you can monitor your system through the an application on the phone.

 

[Flamenco1]

Hi Flam.

First of all, well done on your enthusiasm. However, I’d advise against running before you can walk. This is a serious communication with potential financial and legal ramifications.

I have offered a few pointers below. They are not comprehensive, but hopefully will help you progress. To be honest there is little value in me writing it for you, but hopefully you can investigate the points made.

Dear Mrs. X, This is very much a cultural thing, and as such, I would suggest that you follow the client’s lead. Start formal and let the client introduce informality.

We promised you in our previous email that on Thursday, February 18th we will (would) install our PV system on date?? Unfortunately, we cannot achieve this, for which I offer my sincere apologies. However, I do have two potential solutions that I hope will reduce any inconvenience. (Get the positives in immediately after the apology.)

Now explain briefly why. Stick to the facts. The client is not interested in the details or your problems.

As I mentioned in my email, we will need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock; (I’d put a fullstop here). However, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down, which delayed the checkout process. (You should mention if this was out of your control).


Avoid long sentences and long paragraphs. They lead to misunderstandings.

We have two solutions for the installation. (I’d bullet point these)

• We can install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables on ??????. Then we would install the batteries on Monday 21 of February. The battery installation will take no more than an hour
• We can install the whole system on 21st of February.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we will have to excavate 50cm into the soil to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.

And if you can (what is the alternative????? )

Or. If you can supply us with a suitable internet cable, we will ensure that you can monitor the ???? via our mobile app. Sell the benefit.

You must now take control. When and how will you contact Mrs X to agree on the next steps???? "I will call you .........."

In the UK this type of email would normally terminate “Regards ???????”

I’m getting close to offering business advise here, so I’ll be only looking at the grammar if you’d like to give it another go.

 

[Tarheel]

**business advice

Please write shorter, simpler sentences.

Don't leave out important details.

If you explain you are going to put the cable underground they will understand what that means.

I don't understand why the client needs to provide internet access.

Explain things, but don't overdo it.

If I'm the client I need to know what you're going to be doing, but I don't need to know technical details I won't understand.

(Do the British prefer "excavate" to "dig"? (That's a surprise.))

 

[Joj]

Flamenco thanks again for your remarks and your wonderful useful remarks.

Dear Mrs. X,

I hope all is good at your end. ( I don't like to always repeat "I hope this email finds you well")

We promised you in our previous email that we would install our PV system on 18th of February. Unfortunately, we cannot achieve this, for which I offer my sincere apologies. However, I do have two potential solutions that I hope will reduce any inconvenience.


As I mentioned in my email, we will need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock. However, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down, which delayed the checkout process. (logically it is out of our control cause the port belonging to the state. You know I'm tried of apologizing a lot to this client, this is not the first time and that's not even my mistake).

We have two solutions for the installation.

• We can install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables on Friday 18th of February. Then we would install the batteries on Monday 21st of February. The battery installation will take no more than an hour.
• We can install the whole system on 21st of February.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we will have to excavate 50cm into the soil to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.

And if you can supply us with a suitable internet cable to the technical room, so you can monitor the photovoltaic system via your mobile app. (we have already sell the monitoring to her, but since I'm new in the business, I didn't know that I should explain to her all the details at the first place and the client didn't ask how the monitoring will be connected).

Please feel free to contact me at any time by email or phone.

Regards,

Thanks again and I wish you a wonderful evening.

 

[Flamenco1]

Flamenco thanks again for your remarks and your wonderful useful remarks.

Dear Mrs. X,

I hope all is good at your end. ( I don't like to always repeat "I hope this email finds you well") Agreed but it sounds a little informal.

We promised you (I prefer "agreed" for business, but it is a fairly subtle difference) in our previous email that we would install our PV system on 18th of February. Unfortunately, we cannot achieve ** this, for which I offer my sincere apologies. However, I do have two potential solutions that I hope will reduce any inconvenience.

As I mentioned in my email, we will need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock. However, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down, which delayed the checkout process. (logically it is out of our control because the port belongs to the state. You know I'm tried tired of apologizing a lot to this client. This is not the first time and this is not at's not even my mistake). ** You could just add "due to events beyond our control". In the future someone may read this email who is unaware of the situation.

We have two solutions for the installation.

• We can install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables on Friday 18th of February. Then we would install the batteries on Monday 21st of February. The battery installation will take no more than an hour.
• We can install the whole system on 21st of February.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we will have to excavate to a depth of 50cm delete this [into the soil] to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room.

And if you can supply us with a suitable internet cable to the technical room, so that you can monitor the photovoltaic system via your mobile app. (we have already sell sold the monitoring to her, but since I'm new in to the business, I didn't know that if I should explain to her all of the details at in the first place and the client didn't ask how the monitoring will be connected).

Please feel free to contact me at any time by email or phone. (You need a decision. You need to schedule resources. Always keep control. Tell her when you will call her to identify the option that best suits her.).

Regards,

Thanks again and I wish you a wonderful evening. You're welcome.

 

[Tarheel]

I would say:

I hope all is well.

But I probably wouldn't. Why? It's an email. Also, maybe I just never learned how to use those niceties. In any case, if I'm the client I'm probably hoping the job will be finished in a reasonable amount of time.

 

[Joj]

Good morning,
I added a small paragraph in bold.

Dear Mrs. X,

I hope all is good at your end.

We agreed in our previous email that we would install our PV system on 18th of February. Unfortunately, we cannot achieve this, for which I offer my sincere apologies. However, I do have two potential solutions that I hope will reduce any inconvenience.

As I mentioned in my email, we will need 10 working days to move the batteries from the port to our stock. However, due to events beyond our control, on Thursday, February 10, the server at the port was down, which delayed the checkout process.

We have two solutions for the installation.

• We can install the inverter, charger, PV panels, and the extension cables on Friday 18th of February. Then we would install the batteries on Monday 21st of February. The battery installation will take no more than an hour.
• We can install the whole system on 21st of February.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we will have to excavate to a depth of 50cm to pass the cables from the panels on the roof to the technical room. We need to place 3 manholes in the garden, (as it shown in the picture below) as there are clean outs between PV and technical room. It is possible to install them ourselves but it will take one working day. So it is preferable to be installed before we come, or we do the job partially on Friday, and on Monday we proceed, along with battery installation



And if you can supply us with a suitable internet cable to the technical room, so that you can monitor the photovoltaic system via your mobile app.

Please feel free to contact me at any time by email or phone. (well sadly, I'm scared to call her because I will blink while I'm talking I prefer to keep the talk by email).

Regards,

 

[emsr2d2]

This is a serious business email. Don't use "Hope is all well at your end" or anything similar.

Start with "Dear [name of client]" and then go straight in with the important information, keeping it as short as possible, while including all information that is actually necessary for the customer.

What on earth do you mean by "I will blink while I'm talking"? If you're on the phone, she can't see whether you're blinking or not. It would be weird if you didn't blink every few seconds, like everyone else on the planet!

 

[Joj]

What on earth do you mean by "I will blink while I'm talking"? If you're on the phone, she can't see whether you're blinking or not. It would be weird if you didn't blink every few seconds, like everyone else on the planet!

Sorry I meant blackout

 

[emsr2d2]

Sorry. I meant black out.

See above. Punctuation is important! Also, "blackout" is a noun. The associated verb is "black out". If you don't think you can handle a phone call with the client, don't suggest that they phone you. It's that simple.

 

[Joj]

Is the paragraph in bold seems correct to you?

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Does the paragraph ain bold seem correct to you?

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

There are two ways we can do the installation. We can do part of it on XX day and the rest on XY day, or we can do the whole thing on XY day.

(I had a lot of trouble figuring out what you meant by "two solutions ".)

 

[Tarheel]

I suggest that you get out of the habit of using extremely long introductory phrases in your sentences.

The others have offered excellent advice. Unfortunately, you don't seem to be in any hurry to accept that advice.