[Essay] ...feigning an interest...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Lili and Laohu smiled knowingly at each other. Lili said, “We have lost our prey, you two need to keep your minds on the task at hand; if you can’t, we’ll have to train you separately. Can you keep your minds on the work or not?”

Qingmei and Yang nodded. From that moment on, whenever they were training or hunting together, they concentrated on the hunt or the lesson. Yang, remembering what Laohu and Weifeng did at the beginning of their relationship, arranged to meet Qingmei at the market whenever possible. From there, during those short but meaningful rendezvous, their relationship grew.

At the market, Lanhua’s informative wink to her parents was enough for the moment but seeing Qingmei scamper off when they saw his family approaching was a bit of a giveaway. “Wasn’t that your friend that trains with you?”

Gan asked. Before Yang could answer, his mother said, “She seems like a nice girl you should invite her over some time.”

Yang replied. “Yeahhh, she is nice, mom. Maybe I will ask her over…one day.” Lanhua hid her amused expressions by feigning an interest in some dolls at a stall. She had stopped playing with dolls long ago, but no one noticed how out of place it was.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Lili and Laohu smiled knowingly at each other. Lili said, “We have lost our prey. You two need to keep your minds on the task at hand. If you can’t, we’ll have to train you separately. Can you keep your minds on the work [STRIKE]or not[/STRIKE]?”

Qingmei and Yang nodded. [If Lili says, "or not," it's not a yes-or-no question, so nodding doesn't answer the question. So either say "or not" and have them answer differently, or get rid of it and have them nod.] From that moment on, whenever they were training or hunting together, they concentrated on the hunt or the lesson. Yang, remembering what Laohu and Weifeng did at the beginning of their relationship, arranged to meet Qingmei at the market whenever possible. From there, during those short but meaningful rendezvous, their relationship grew.

At the market, Lanhua’s informative wink to her parents was enough for the moment, but seeing Qingmei scamper off when they saw his family approaching was a bit of a giveaway. “Wasn’t that your friend who trains with you?”

Gan asked. Before Yang could answer, his mother said, “She seems like a nice girl. You should invite her over some time.”

Yang replied. “Yeah — she is nice, Mom. Maybe I will ask her over — one day.” Lanhua hid her amused expression[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] by feigning an interest in some dolls at a stall. She had stopped playing with dolls long ago, but no one noticed how out of place it was.

Make sentences your friend.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you for your advice. But I still feel confused about the blue part. Could you elaborate a little bit about it? For example, how do we have them answer differently when Lili says 'or not'?

 

[Tdol]

The nod is clear enough to me, but Charlie's suggestion of deleting or not puts the matter beyond all doubt to any reader.