Hello darkness, my old friend...

[Glizdka]

I took the lyrics of a popular meme song, and converted it into an exercise in which my task is to format it into a text that does not account for the tempo, syllables, or rhymes, and it uses proper punctuation and capitalization instead.

Have I made any mistakes?

---

Hello darkness, my old friend.
I’ve come to talk with you again.
Because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while I was sleeping,
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
within the sound of silence.

---

Hello darkness, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

 

[jutfrank]

Yes, fine, but lose the capital B in Because and put a comma after Hello.

What do you mean by 'popular meme song'? That passage is the opening verse of the superb The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel—one of the best American folk songs of the 1960s.

 

[Glizdka]

Yes, fine, but lose the capital B in Because and put a comma after Hello.

Hello, darkness, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

Doesn't the blue comma make it oversaturated with commas?

What do you mean by 'popular meme song'? That passage is the opening verse of the superb The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel—one of the best American folk songs of the 1960s.

Today it's but a meme for the 12-year-olds who I learned of it from.

 

[emsr2d2]

Today it's but a meme for the 12-year-olds who I learned of it from.

Sacrilege!! I demand that you track down a video of Simon and Garfunkel performing it at their concert in Central Park, play it to those 12-year-olds and tell them, from us, that they need to appreciate genius when they hear it!

In fact, I'll do half the work for you - here it is. If anyone doesn't get chills from that, they must be dead!

 

[jutfrank]

Doesn't the blue comma make it oversaturated with commas?

No.

1) If a comma helps the sentence, use it. If it doesn't, don't. A sentence cannot be oversaturated with commas unless they are unnecessary.
2) If I thought the comma was unnecessary, I wouldn't have advised you to use it.

Today it's but a meme for the 12-year-olds who I learned of it from.

Thanks for letting me know, but that makes me sad. I'm now going off for a little cry ... (to the original version of The Sound of Silence!)

 

[jutfrank]

In fact, I'll do half the work for you - here it is. If anyone doesn't get chills from that, they must be dead!

Hah! You got there before me. That is a brilliant performance, yes, but two things:

1) Grr! How it annoys me when audiences decide songs sound better when they clap along out of time.
2) I find this version from 2009 even more touching. To see them and hear them together still sounding so good after more than 40 years is such a delight.

 

[Skrej]

2) I find this version from 2009 even more touching.

Boy, Art really knows how to dress for the occasion, no? :lol: