Inside his head is a big dark mess.

[alpacinou]

Goya's paintings are really weird, dark and negative.

Does this work?

Inside his head is a big dark mess. His mind is a Goya's painting.

 

[emsr2d2]

Use "a Goya painting". If you want to use the possessive, you need "is like one of Goya's paintings".

 

[alpacinou]

Use "a Goya painting". If you want to use the possessive, you need "is like one of Goya's paintings".

Okay what about this?

After she broke his heart, inside his head became a big dark mess, like one of Goya's paintings.

 

[alpacinou]

Okay what about this?

After she broke his heart, inside his head became a big dark mess, like one of Goya's paintings.

His head is dark and messy like one of Goya's paintings. This is her doing. She messed with his head and broke him.

An example of a Goya's painting:

http://cdn2.all-art.org/neoclasscism/goya/25.jpg

 

[Tdol]

Okay what about this?

After she broke his heart, inside his head became a big dark mess, like one of Goya's paintings.

Have you considered alternatives to became?

 

[alpacinou]

Have you considered alternatives to became?

What alternatives do I have?

 

[emsr2d2]

Look up "become" in any decent thesaurus and go from there.

 

[alpacinou]

Look up "become" in any decent thesaurus and go from there.

I thought about using "turn" but I thought Tdol may have something a tad better for me.

 

[Tdol]

Turned into sounds better to me. As he's disturbed you could use a verb with plenty of motion like churn.

 

[alpacinou]

Turned into sounds better to me. As he's disturbed you could use a verb with plenty of motion like churn.

After she broke his heart, inside his head churned like one of Goya's paintings, a big dark mess.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Make it: His mind is a Goya painting.

I think of Goya paintings as dark but not messy.

 

[alpacinou]

Make it: His mind is a Goya painting.

What would that mean exactly? That he is a bad person with evil thoughts?

 

[Tdol]

Saturn devouring his son is both messy and indescribably dark to me. And it's not just the horror of the act- the eyes haunt me. If my head turned into that, I'd be worried.

 

[alpacinou]

Saturn devouring his son is both messy and indescribably dark to me. And it's not just the horror of the act- the eyes haunt me. If my head turned into that, I'd be worried.

So do you think this is okay?

After she broke his heart, his mind has been a Goya paintings, a big dark mess.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Saturn devouring his son is both messy and indescribably dark to me. . . .

Sure is! Good point. I mostly think of him as stark. Thanks.

 

[alpacinou]

So do you think this is okay?

After she broke his heart, his mind has been a Goya paintings, a big dark mess.

Since she broke him, his mind has been a Goya paintings, a big dark mess.