kindly help if there are any mistakes

[mohamedsoliman90]

Motivation Letter
From

[Full name removed by mod]
[Address removed by mod]
Mobile: [phone number removed by mod]
Email: [email address removed by mod]


20 February 2022
To

University Name
City, Country

Subject:

Dear Respected Sir / Madam,

Through this motivation letter, I would like to express my ultimate interest in applying for MCs in finance at ….. university for the summer semester of 2022/23. I truly believe that my professional, educational background and my enthusiastic willingness to learn more in this field make me an ideal candidate for the course.
My name is [full name], 31 years old. I have been working for the banking sector for more than 6 years in national and international banks through various departments with consumer banking in the majority. as a Post Graduate Diploma Holder in Finance, banking, and risk Management from Eslsca business school Branch in Egypt with a GPA of 3.68 and a Commerce Bachelor Degree Holder in English Accounting Major, from Cairo University. my wish is to become a Financial Professional like my Finance Subjects Doctors who are always impressing me in ESLSCA Business school with their educational and practical background
I have selected this course specially because it focuses deeply on finance subjects with a wide Concentration I have taken before in my Gradate Diploma degree and got high scores in it which made me more passionate about learning more about those subjects like ……….. with your kind Reputable university.
by considering my application, I will be having an international perspective, be well prepared for Ph.D. in finance after that, and go beyond the traditional way of thinking. Moreover, holding a Master degree from your prestigious university will be very beneficial for my future career path, secure me high job levels in finance as I hope, and will give me a better competitive edge over the other potential candidates in the Egyptian labor market when I return to Egypt again as MBA Holder from your university and country. also will be being able to contribute effectively to Social and technical development in my country through my future Job.

The education level in Egypt is suffering somehow a long time ago and this is what made me had gone through the previously mentioned Diploma from a French-based University. And, this is also what made me now hoping to consider my admission abroad with your highly ranked University either nationally or internationally. Hoping my country one day gets more high-rank scores internationally.
In addition, the labor market is always hiring prestigious companies and entities who hold degrees from international universities of a high standard, and I wish to be one of them one day.

I concluded that Germany in general and your university especially, Is the most reasonable and suitable to get this degree from due to its low tuition fees, study tools expenses, accommodations, transportations and other amenities which suits my financial abilities very well. without neglecting to learn the German language in a native speaking country, besides this, I want to be more familiar with German culture, lifestyle, making friends from different nationalities and I believe that studying in Germany would allow me to do that and live such an impressive experience

I hope my application will be enough for a favorable response, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards signature
[name removed by mod]

….………………….

 

[Tarheel]

There is too much there for me to read the whole thing.

I suggest that you put yourself in the shoes of the person receiving the letter, and ask yourself "Would I read this or would I set it aside?"

I don't think "ultimate interest" is an English phrase.

You have capitalized many words that are not normally capitalized.

Have you looked at some of the posts that are already in this section?

 

[teechar]

Dear Respected Sir/Madam,

Through this motivation letter, I would like to express my ultimate interest in applying for the MSc in finance at ….. University for the summer semester intake of 2022/23. I truly believe that my professional and educational background and as well as my enthusiasm tic willingness to learn more in this field make me an ideal candidate for the course.

My name is [full name], and I am 31 years old. I have been working for the banking sector in Egypt for more than 6 years in national and international banks, through various departments with consumer mostly in retail banking in the majority. as a In 2016, completed a postgraduate diploma Holder in Finance, banking, and Risk Management from the ESLSCA Business School Branch in Egypt with a GPA of 3.68 and a Commerce Bachelor of Commerce Degree Holder in English, with Accounting as my major, from Cairo University in 2014. My wish is to become a successful financial professional with advanced expertise in my field. like my Finance Subjects Doctors who are always impressing me in ESLSCA Business school with their educational and practical background

I have selected this course especially because it focuses deeply on finance subjects with a wide Concentration I have taken before in my Gradate Diploma degree which I have a particular interest in and which I and got high scores in previously. it which made me more passionate about learning more about those subjects like ……….. with your kind Reputable Furthermore, I am attracted by the excellent reputation of your university in this field.

by considering my application, If I am selected for this master’s, I will be having gain an international perspective, and be well prepared for a Ph.D. in finance after that, which I also plan to do. and go beyond the traditional way of thinking. Moreover, holding a master’s degree from your prestigious university will be very beneficial for my future career path, and will help secure me high job levels employment in finance as I hope, and it will give me a better competitive edge over the other potential candidates in the Egyptian labor market when I return to Egypt. again as MBA Holder from your university and country. The degree also will be being able enable me to contribute effectively to social and technical development in my country through my future Job.

The education level standard of education in Egypt is suffering somehow a long time ago is not great, and this is what made me had gone through the previously mentioned opt for a diploma from a French-based university. And, This is also what made me now hoping to a major factor for me now in considering my admission abroad with studying in your highly ranked university either on campus or remotely. nationally or internationally. Hoping my country one day gets more high-rank scores internationally.

In addition, the labor market is always hiring prestigious financial institutions and firms in Egypt companies and entities highly regard professionals who hold degrees from international universities of a high standard, and I wish to be one of them one day.

I concluded believe that studying in Germany, in general and particularly in your university, especially, Is is the most reasonable and suitable option for me, to get this degree from due to its bearing in mind the reasonable low tuition fees, study tools expenses, accommodation costs, efficient transportations services and availability of other amenities. which suits my financial abilities very well. without neglecting I will also apply myself to learn the German language in a native speaking country, besides this, and I want to become more familiar with German culture, and lifestyle, making friends from different nationalities and backgrounds. and I believe that studying in Germany would allow me to do that and live such an impressive experience

I hope my application will be enough for receive a favorable response, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Mohamed Soliman

Best Regards signature

 

[Tarheel]

Noe that teechar has spent some of his valuable time correcting the mistakes in that motivation letter I hope you at least tell us if you were accepted into the program or not.

I could be wrong, but isn't the purpose of such a letter to tell them things they don't already know?

 

[mohamedsoliman90]

of course, I will tell you if I have got accepted or not .. and I am gratefully for the teacher who helped me with those mistakes and corrected them for me, indeed, your website is from the best on the internet

 

[emsr2d2]

Of course no comma here I will tell you if I have got get accepted or not. and I am gratefully grateful for to the teacher who helped me with those mistakes and corrected them those mistakes for me. Indeed, your website is from one of the best on the internet.

Note my corrections above. Remember to separate sentences with a full stop, and to start every new sentence with a capital letter.