Leaders and directors in organizations are normally older people. Some people prefer younger ones. To what extent do you agree?

goodboybkk

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Please correct my essay! Thanks

In the modern age, the ages of leaders and directors has become a somewhat controversial issue. There are some who enormously like to have older ones; however, some think otherwise. I partially agree with the idea that that older leaders and managers can lead organizations way better than younger ones.

Generally speaking, there are two cogent reasons why I wholeheartedly believe that older people can handle organizational problems better. Perhaps the most compelling reason why I am in favor of this idea is that they usually have long, well-proven, and unrivaled experiences. For example, in general, older bosses have demonstrated greater empathy when a worker comes late to work due to family reasons. This is due to the bare fact that most old leaders are fathers or mothers themselves and might have also virtually similar family issues at home. Another justification in favor of this notion is that some mature managers have postgraduate diplomas. Unlike younger leaders, who usually have a BA or BSc, older ones are highly likely to have an MBA, PhD, or MA diploma, which can eventually bring about more effective management in an organization.

Despite these persuasive arguments, there is also a case for the idea that younger leaders can organize companies or organizations much better than older one. Perhaps the most convincing reason why I am in favour of this idea is that, in general, young people have greater stamina, which can lead to more productive outcomes. For example, a 30year-old director can work 12 hours without feeling tired, while a 60 year-old boss can easily feel lightheaded after working 12 hours. A further salient point why I fully support th is idea is that young leaders are generally more creative on the Internet. This is because they can use the Internet easily

In conclusion, having considered both both sided of reasoned arguments, I would have to say that an organization should have an older leader and a younger deputy one.

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emsr2d2

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Who gave you the prompt (title) for this essay? When is it due to be submitted? Who is going to mark or grade it?
 

goodboybkk

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No one gives that prompt. I find that prompt online.
Is there any collocation mistake in that essay?
Thanks
 

Tarheel

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Say: "Nobody gave me that prompt. I found it online. Are there any collocation mistakes in the essay?"

For the most part I have only skimmed through it, but you seemed to have invented several phrases.

I would introduce the subject a little less abruptly.

What do you mean by "directors"?
 

goodboybkk

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I am sorry. The prompt is Leaders and directors in organizations are normally older people. Some people prefer younger ones. To what extent do you agree?
 

goodboybkk

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Can you just underline my invented phrases?
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goodboybkk

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I mean the director of an organization or company.
 

Tarheel

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I mean the director of an organization or company.
OK. As an American when I think of "director" I think of a movie director. As for a business or other organization, "director" is used, but there is also "manager", "supervisor" and "executive".
 

Tarheel

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The phrase "enormously like" stands out. Also, "cogent reasons" might make sense, but I rarely see the word "cogent", so I will have to look it up.

In my humble opinion, you overdo it with the adjectives.

ESL teachers apparently tell people to use "In conclusion". However, I have never seen a professional writer use that phrase. (You can plainly see that's the last paragraph.)
 
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Tarheel

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Do you think I don't know what "In conclusion" means? As for saying yours is a "cogent reason" in support of your argument, isn't that up to the reader to decide?

Go easy on the adjectives.
 

goodboybkk

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Ok. Thanks for your feedback.
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

This is because most older leaders are mothers and fathers themselves.

Older people do, of course, have more experience.

*having considered both sides

I think anybody would be tired after working for twelve hours, but that's just my opinion.
 
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tedmc

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OK. As an American when I think of "director" I think of a movie director. As for a business or other organization, "director" is used, but there is also "manager", "supervisor" and "executive".
I agree with Tarheel about the term "director" which can mean many things. You could also say "heads of organizations"to be more general.

And some of the adjectives/adverbs used are not appropriate.
 

goodboybkk

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Is "This is because most older leaders are mothers and fathers themselves" gramatically correct
 

goodboybkk

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"And some of the adjectives/adverbs used are not appropriate."
Which one is it?
 

Tarheel

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Tarheel

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"And some of the adjectives/adverbs used are not appropriate."
Which one is it?
Either one. Those modifiers don't fit the words they are intended to modify.

I suggest eliminating every modifier and then deciding which words really need one and what would be appropriate.
 
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