Motivation Essay

[Mixiblack]

Revise my motivation essay for the University please. Thank you!
Dear Sir / Madam


I am writing to apply XXX.
I have experience like a coordinator in some international projects XXX. During some years, our team communicated with students around the world, elaborating valuable plans to conserve the national heritage. It is also captivating to speak with people from other countries. All these relationships taught me to understand other cultures better and to be more optimistic. Even though we are from different parts of the world, we have something in common and can learn from each other.

There are no problems to integrate with students from other countries, because I can find a lot of topics on which to discuss. I am sure that some of them will become very good friends for me. Also, there is a great opportunity to discover more things about another country. Furthermore, it is possible to start a Business together and have clients from all over the world thanks to our different backgrounds.

One argument that made me to choose your university is its placement and the percentage of international students there.Also, having relationships with people from different backgrounds can serve as a big strength. Another reason that influenced me is the possibility to learn better some languages like French and Deutsch that will certainly help me. The subjects in English will improve my knowledge too. The last but not the least argument is that the presence of topics based on the international area are not only useful, but also interesting for me.
In the conclusion, I want to say that I am ready for all the difficulties and I will do my best understanding the importance of having good results.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I am writing to apply to XXX.

And:

I have experience as a coordinator in some international projects.

The sentences between those two are excellent.

 

[Tarheel]

You couldn't figure out how to make that two or three paragraphs?

 

[Tarheel]

Whose national heritage? (You need to be specific.)

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Such an opportunity is presented by my father, who doesn't know English but needs help in his job.

You might want to say what kind of help it is you are talking about. After all, it's not just anything. It's something specific.

 

[Tarheel]

Don't say "a help" as "help" is not a count noun.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

I have no trouble getting along with people from other countries and from different cultures.

 

[Tarheel]

I am not sure what "use the time together" means. Also, "there is a great opportunity to discover things about another country" lacks content.

Perhaps you could mention that you will contribute to the diversity of the student body.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Meeting people from different countries will help me establish contacts, and that will help me when I want to start my own business.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Two reasons I chose your university are its location and the percentage of international students there.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Another thing thing that influenced my decision is the possibly of learning additional languages such as French and German.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Also, having relationships with people from various backgrounds can be a big asset.

You need to make paragraphs. However, the original post should be left as is.