Moving up speech

[Helsing]

Good day teachers!
Could you please check this speech. Thank you in advance for your suggestion and corrsstions.

To our school President, sir, our school administrator, mam, our school principal, mam, our distinguished guest, our dearest teachers, our loving parents, fellow completers,ladies and gentlemen,goodmorning!

In behalf of the kindergarten class of 2023 I would like to thank you all for celebrating with us this very special day, our moving up day.

Congratulations classmates we did it!
I was nervous during our first days in this school but our teachers made us feel at home, they welcomed us with love and affection. To our teachers thank you for your kindness.Thank you for teaching us to read and write, sing and dance and many more.Thank you for giving us problems and helping us to solve it. To my classmates, thank you for the happy memories we shared together in our classroom and especially in our playground. To our parents, papa, mama, nanay, tatay thank you for your love and support. To my beloved school thank you for preparing us for the next level of our learning. And above all thank you Almighty God for everything. Thank you for happiness and challenges.
(Sing)
Thank you Lord for the sunshine thank you for rain.Thank you for joy thank you for pain. Its a beautiful day, its a beautiful day!
Congratulations and thank you everyone!

 

[teechar]

Is this genuine? Are you in kindergarten?!

 

[Tarheel]

I think it's written very well for somebody who's in kindergarten. On that basis, I wouldn't change a thing.

(I would wait until I had been helped before thanking people, but I was born before the internet existed so maybe I'm more patient than some people.)

 

[Helsing]

Is this genuine? Are you in kindergarten?!

I made it for my daughter ma'am. She is going to deliver a speech. She can't compose a speech that's why I interviewed her and put it in writing. Thanks!

 

[Helsing]

I think it's written very well for somebody who's in kindergarten. On that basis, I wouldn't change a thing.

(I would wait until I had been helped before thanking people, but I was born before the internet existed so maybe I'm more patient than some people.)

I made it for my daughter ma'am. She cannot compose on her own so I interviewed her and written what was on her mind. I am not good in english and this is my first time to make a speech like this that is why I am seeking help to to check my grammar, sentence and even the sequences, ideas and anything. Thanks!

 

[Tarheel]

If you are going to write something for a five-year-old to say it should be written the way a five-year-old would say it. (My opinion.)

 

[teechar]

I totally agree with Tarheel's suggestion in post #6.
Do you want to amend it or do you want to stick with the above?

 

[emsr2d2]

I made wrote it for my daughter. ma'am. She is going to deliver a speech. She can't compose a speech write it herself. That's why I interviewed her and put it in writing wrote it down.

I made wrote it for my daughter. ma'am. She cannot compose write on her own so I interviewed her and written wrote a speech based on what was on her mind she said. I am not good in at English and this is my first time to make writing a speech like this. That is why I am seeking your help to to check my grammar, sentences, and even the sequences, ideas and anything everything else. Thanks!

Note my corrections above.

I agree with the others - you should write a speech using the sort of language a five-year-old would use.

 

[Helsing]

I think it's written very well for somebody who's in kindergarten. On that basis, I wouldn't change a thing.

(I would wait until I had been helped before thanking people, but I was born before the internet existed so maybe I'm more patient than some people.)

I made it for my daughter ma'am. She cannot compose on her own so I interviewd her and written what was on her mind. I am not good in english and this is my first time to make a speech like this that is why I am seeking help to to check my grammar, sentence and even the sequences, ideas and anything. Thanks!

If you are going to write something for a five-year-old to say it should be written the way a five-year-old would say it. (My opinion.)

Thank you for your opinion. I am very much welcome for any suggestions. The words that that I chose, in my opinion, are the basic words that I know a kinder knows. Any replacement of words or even sentences are very welcome. Thank you!

 

[Helsing]

I totally agree with Tarheel's suggestion in post #6.
Do you want to amend it or do you want to stick with the above?

Thank you! Any suggestions is welcome. Ammendments, replacements of words or sentences and even ideas. I am not good in writing speech and I am seeking help from people here regarding making speech since I know that you are good writers here. Thank You!

 

[emsr2d2]

I made wrote it for my daughter. ma'am.

Did you not notice that in the quote boxes in post #8, I crossed out "ma'am" each time you had used it? There is no need to address us using such terms. Not only is it overly formal but it suggests you're assuming that you know the gender of the writer. You shouldn't do that.
I also changed "made" to "wrote" both times.

We like to see that you are taking notice of our corrections.

 

[teechar]

For example:

Dear everyone,
My classmates and I would like to thank you for celebrating this special day with us.
Thanks to the school staff, and especially our dear teachers, for their kindness and support, and for teaching us to read, write, sing, and dance.
It was an enjoyable year in the classroom, playground, and everywhere in the school.
Thanks also to our parents and family members for their love and encouragement.
Congratulations to all the kids. We’re looking forward to the next level of school.

 

[Helsing]

Did you not notice that in the quote boxes in post #8, I crossed out "ma'am" each time you had used it? There is no need to address us using such terms. Not only is it overly formal but it suggests you're assuming that you know the gender of the writer. You shouldn't do that.
I also changed "made" to "wrote" both times.

We like to see that you are taking notice of our corrections.

Yes. After your correction i didn't use ma'am anymore. Thank you!

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes. After your correction, I didn't use "ma'am" anymore. Thank you!

Yes, you did. You used it in post #9. You also repeated "I made it for my daughter" instead of "I wrote it for my daughter".