[Essay] Please evaluate my writing tasks for IELTS.

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abdulbasit123

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WRITING TASK 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
RAT6%20W2.jpg

Answer:

The aforementioned table helps us scrutinize rise and drop in the employees in factories located in England and wales for the time spam of 50 years since 1851 till 1901. The total employees include both genders eliminating the factor of gender discrimination.
To begin with, total number of employees in the year 1851 was 477,100 with total male employees of 287,100 and the rest were female employees provided that the factories were 225 in number. However, just after ten years the number of employees had plummeted to almost half with only two factories more. It can also be seen that this drop-in number of workers continue to 126,132 by the year 1881 with the number of factories skyrocketed to 721. Ultimately, in 1901 a significant decrease in employees can be observer to a number of 61,000 also with depreciation of number in factories to 600.
To conclude with, initially a large margin can be seen in the number of opposite sex employees although this difference has narrowed down to a difference of only one thousand employees that is the outnumbered were male employees.

Word count: 183 (20 minutes)

WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems?
Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.

Answer:

A lot of problems are faced by people in their daily life including environmental, social and technological problems. Huge cities having large population results in catastrophic issues in day to day life. Shifting to regional towns on country side may remedy the situations and perhaps governments should encourage such initiatives by providing facilities before people starts moving there.
Numerous issues related to daily life are addressed through some means specifically problems concerned with pollution which is someway connected to social and technological issues. These problems result in depreciated quality of life. To elaborate, life in Karachi city was fantastic before 1990 however the conditions got miserable after 1999, and this was because of over population and pollution; according to a research. These issues always end up in bad people behaviors.
Moreover, technology has also been outdated resulting in bad traffic problems. People who used to commute for job purposes are now taking them an extra one to two hours on average. For instance, an article in DAWN News indicated that huge number of vehicles has made the traffic control more sophisticated job than ever before.
Ultimately, governments should motivate peoples to shift form over populated cities to regional towns in order to make traffic control menial in both the cities and regional towns.
In conclusion, experts should be involved in sorting out the best solutions for a better tomorrow. Tiny details should be considered to make problems solve which can assure high quality of life. Many countries have achieved their ambitions and it is ok to learn from them as a model for us.

Word Count: 264
Time acquired: 35 minutes
 
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Tarheel

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You should have posted only one of them. I don't understand employees rising and falling. Also, they didn't worry about sex discrimination back then.
 

emsr2d2

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I have greyed out Writing Task 2 from post #1. After we have finished dealing with Writing Task 1, you can post Writing Task 2 in a separate thread.
 

Tarheel

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Three things.

Try;

the increase and decrease in the number of employees ....

When you use phrases like "To begin with" and "To conclude with" it makes it look like you're trying to increase your word count.

Space between paragraphs!

:)
 

teechar

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Hello abdulbasit123, and welcome to the forum. :)
Can you show us what the table looks like please?

Click "Reply" and insert an image of the table.

insert.jpg
 

Tarheel

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WRITING TASK 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
RAT6%20W2.jpg

That is what you should want your writing to look like. As it is you use words you clearly do not understand.

What kind of a grade do you think I would give you (either pass or fail)?
 
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