please help me with my formal application email to a university

[maryam abbasi]

Hi, I need your help to edit my formal email to an English language university...well, my native language is not English so I’m very anxious about it :-?. I know it’ll have a very essential effect on my application :-(…so it would be helpful if you could correct my mistakes…
Thanks;-)


October 16, 2013

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am contacting you for the following reason. My name is Maryam Abbasi. I live in Iran, Tehran. My husband and I decided to continue our studies abroad. I am Iranian and 24 years old. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Microbiology from ___ University. My husband, ___is Afghan and he is 23 years old. He is a senior at_____University in bachelor of Laws.
We are extremely interested to apply for M.A in your renowned university.
I would appreciate it if you would indicate the academic entry requirements and the qualification needed to apply in _____ University for international students. And I would like to inquire about the international students’ tuition fees and accommodation.
Thank you in advance for your attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely,

 

[Gillnetter]

Hi, I need your help to edit my formal email to an English language university...well, my native language is not English so I’m very anxious about it :-?. I know it’ll have a very essential effect on my application :-(…so it would be helpful if you could correct my mistakes…
Thanks;-)

Your e-mail shouldn't have that much of an effect on your application. You are merely asking for routine information. The person who reads this e-mail will most probably be a clerk, not a decision maker.

October 16, 2013

Dear Sir or Madam,
[STRIKE]I am contacting you for the following reason. My name is Maryam Abbasi. I live in Iran, Tehran. [/STRIKE]My husband and I have decided to continue our studies abroad. I am Iranian [STRIKE]and 24 years old[/STRIKE]. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Microbiology from ___ University. My husband, ___is Afghan[STRIKE] and he is 23 years old[/STRIKE]. He is a senior at_____University [STRIKE]in [/STRIKE] and is studying for his Bachelor of Laws.

We are extremely interested [STRIKE]to apply [/STRIKE] in applying for an M.A. program in your [STRIKE]renowned [/STRIKE]university.
I would appreciate it if you would indicate the academic entry requirements and the qualifications needed for international students to [STRIKE]apply in[/STRIKE] _____ be admitted to your university. And I would like to inquire about the international [STRIKE]students’[/STRIKE] student's tuition fees and accommodations.
Thank you in advance for your attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely,

Gil

 

[maryam abbasi]

thanks so much...that was a great help...:up: