PROVIDING NEW FACILITIES

[laluuuusii]

I have written this proposal as practice for my CAE qualification. I would appreciate some feedback on how to improve it.
”The council where you live has received funding to provide new facilities in the town. You decide to write a proposal to the head of the council recommending two facilities that could be provided. Your proposal should include details of who would use them and how they would benefit the town as a whole. You should also say which of the two facilities you believe would be most popular with residents”.

PROVIDING NEW FACILITIES
As requested, this proposal aims to suggest two facilities that could be substantially beneficial to the town. I will elucidate to whom they would be most useful, and which of the two would certainly succeed among residents.

A PRISTINE LIBRARY
It is common knowledge reading is recommended to everyone. Unfortunately, not all residents have enough money to play with so they cannot afford as many books as they would like. Conversely, many claim is unethical to download books online. Consequently, a library would appeal them , given a wide spectrum of styles are usually included in any library. Investing money in this kind of facility would in all likelihood be worth it , as it infuses citizens not only with information but also with curiosity.

A GYM
As healthy routines are becoming well-known and famous, providing a gym would by all means be a win-win. It would encourage residents, especially young people, to exert themselves there and grow healthily. It could even be a way of socializing, too.

CONCLUSION
To finish with, I will compare both. Whereas there is no specific age wherein it is most popular to go to the library, the gym interests foremostly to the youth and those in their forties or fifties. For this, if just one of them were to be taken into account, I would choose the former.
As a final observation, these facilities benefit the whole town because they embrace those preferring sedentary lifestyles, people who are keen on exercising and those being into the two activities.

 

[Tarheel]

I am not sure what a pristine library is. In any case, I am sure it would improve things if you would eliminate the empty phrases.

 

[tedmc]

I am not sure what a pristine library is. In any case, I am sure it would improve things if you would eliminate the empty phrases.

Spanking new/untouched?

 

[jutfrank]

An examiner would consider the use of pristine as inaccurate.

The most evident thing about your writing is that you have a wide lexical range but often poor lexical accuracy. That means you tend to use a lot of high-level words but often not in the right way.

I'm wondering what methods you use to learn vocabulary. Do you rely much on dictionaries? Where do you usually acquire your vocabulary items?

 

[laluuuusii]

I read books and watch series. I take notes of any new word I find and search its meaning. I also write in my notebook a couple of sentence examples so that I know where and when to use it, but I guess I tend to use them incorrectly. How could I avoid this?

 

[laluuuusii]

Yes. Cambridge Dictionary says the meaning of this word is “new or almost new, and in very good condition”. That is why I inferred it would be suitable in this text. Specifically, what other words do you think I have not used properly?

 

[Tarheel]

I read books and watch series. I take notes of any new word I see and look up its meaning. I also write in my notebook a couple of sentence examples so that I know where and when to use it, but I guess I tend to use them incorrectly. How can I avoid this?

Dictionary. com provides as many as ten example sentences for a word. For that reason it's my favorite dictionary.

www.dictionary.com

 

[Tarheel]

As requested, this proposal aims to suggest two facilities that could be substantially beneficial to the town.

Perhaps:

The aim of this proposal is to suggest two facilities that would benefit the town.

 

[Tarheel]

Yes. Cambridge Dictionary says the meaning of this word is “new or almost new, and in very good condition”. That is why I inferred it would be suitable in this text. Specifically, what other words do you think I have not used properly?

The word "pristine" is usually used in the sense of "unspoiled, untouched by humans". (I am willing to be proved wrong.)

 

[laluuuusii]

Great! I will use it, then.

 

[Tarheel]

Great! I will use it [no comma]then.

You will use what for what?

 

[Tarheel]

If you have to ask if you have used a word the right way you probably haven't.

What is a CAE exam supposed to test?

 

[emsr2d2]

Laluuuusii, I have lost track of the number of your threads I have had to change the title for. Please stop using things like "CAE proposal/essay/writing etc". They are too generic. Titles must be unique and relevant to the thread. Please use the title of the piece of writing as the title of the thread from now on.

 

[Tarheel]

I will elucidate to whom they would be the most useful, and which of the two would certainly succeed among residents.

Perhaps:

I will discuss the benefits to the town as a whole and opine on which I think would get more use.

 

[jutfrank]

Cambridge Dictionary says the meaning of this word is “new or almost new, and in very good condition”.

I wonder if you've misunderstood the definition. Do you think a brand new library could be described as 'new or almost new'? Do you know what 'in good condition' means and how it's used?

When you encounter a new word, make good use of as many dictionary example sentences as you can to help you identify the use. If you're still not sure, we'll be very happy to help you here on this forum.

 

[tedmc]

I have written this proposal as practice for my CAE qualification. I would appreciate some feedback on how to improve it.
”The council where you live has received funding to provide new facilities in the town. You decide to write a proposal to the head of the council recommending two facilities that could be provided. Your proposal should include details of who would use them and how they would benefit the town as a whole. You should also say which of the two facilities you believe would be most popular with residents”.

PROVIDING NEW FACILITIES
As requested, this proposal aims to suggest two facilities that could be substantially beneficial to the town. I will elucidate to whom they would be most useful, and which of the two would certainly succeed among residents.

A PRISTINE LIBRARY
It is common knowledge reading is recommended to everyone. Unfortunately, not all residents have enough money to play with so they cannot afford as many books as they would like. Conversely, many claim is unethical to download books online. Consequently, a library would appeal them , given a wide spectrum of styles are usually included in any library. Investing money in this kind of facility would in all likelihood be worth it , as it infuses citizens not only with information but also with curiosity.

A GYM
As healthy routines are becoming well-known and famous, providing a gym would by all means be a win-win. It would encourage residents, especially young people, to exert themselves there and grow healthily. It could even be a way of socializing, too.

CONCLUSION
To finish with, I will compare both. Whereas there is no specific age wherein it is most popular to go to the library, the gym interests foremostly to the youth and those in their forties or fifties. For this, if just one of them were to be taken into account, I would choose the former.
As a final observation, these facilities benefit the whole town because they embrace those preferring sedentary lifestyles, people who are keen on exercising and those being into the two activities.

I have underlined those parts of the text which I think the language could be simplified/reworded. You seem to like using big words, which are unnatural and not really appropriate in the context. They are not better than using simple words.

Shouldn't the concern be whether the suggested facilities would benefit the community as a whole rather than certain groups of people which you say you would "elucidate"?

 

[Tarheel]

I'm not sure what "enough money to play with" means. "Money to spare" I guess.