IELTS essay, letter. Please, please comment on it.

[rashidjon]

There is advertisement for a course designed to help improve your memory.
Write a letter to the organizers of the course. In the letter
• Give some background information about yourself
• Explain your own problems and why you would like to do the course
• Inquire about the methods used on the course
• Enquire about course fees and dates

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in relation with your advertisement published today on Sunday Times. My name is James John. I am 34 years old and work for the local radio as a newscaster. My work requires me to follow all current events, pick up interesting stories and retell that story to our listeners. Everyday I deal with huge amount of information and have to keep my eye on everything what is going on around us. For that reason one should have really good memory.

Fortunately my memory is good, but recently I have realized that it is difficult for me to remember short information or story which I read minutes ago. Before I used to read one page of information and could easily retell it after 20 or 30 minutes. But now if even I read small text I immediately forget the beginning. I tried some techniques to improve my memory myself, but it seems does not work.

I would be happy if taking your course helps me a lot and for that reason I would like to get some basic information about taught course. What kind of methods and learning styles you use? Besides I would like to know about dates. What days in a week courses are run and is there any evening courses? Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me information about fees and methods of payment.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you very much,

Best regards, James John.

[emsr2d2]

There is advertisement for a course designed to help improve your memory.
Write a letter to the organizers of the course. In the letter
• Give some background information about yourself
• Explain your own problems and why you would like to do the course
• Inquire about the methods used on the course
• Enquire about course fees and dates

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in relation with to your advertisement published today in the Sunday Times. My name is James John. I am 34 years old and work for the local radio station as a newscaster. My work requires me to follow all current events, pick up interesting stories and retell that those stories to our listeners. Every day I deal with a huge amount of information and have to keep my eye on everything what that is going on around us. For that reason one I should would like to have a really good memory.

Fortunately my memory is good, but recently I have realized that it is difficult for me to remember short small pieces of information or stories which I read only minutes ago earlier. Before In the past, I used to be able to read one page of information and could easily retell it after 20 or 30 minutes. But now if I read evensmall a short text I immediately forget the beginning. I tried some techniques to improve my memory myself, but it they do not seem to have worked seems does not work.

I would be happy if taking your course could helps me a lot and for that reason I would like to get some basic information about taught the course. What kind of methods and learning styles do you use? Besides Also, I would like to know about dates. What On which days in a of the week do the courses are run and is there any evening courses? Moreover, I would appreciate it if you would send me information about fees and methods of payment.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you very much.

Best regards,

James John.

My suggestions are marked in red above.

[rashidjon]

Thanks a lot, next time i will try to make less mistakes