I need some native speaker to check out my motivation letter ,please!!!!!

[xiaojuanjuan]

I am really keen on this university, it has the perfect programme for me ~~~~~thank you ~~please correct it for me
Dear Madam/Sir
My name is **. I would like to apply for the Master’s programme of Food Quality Management, which will be conducted during the academic year 2010-2012.
A Chinese saying says “Bread is the staff of life”. As a person who is sensitive to food, I always hold the belief that the quality and safety of food is what matters most for the whole society, and from then on, I have always dreamed to pursue a career in controlling the quality and safety of food. That is why I choose the major, animal science, the very origin of food, for my Bachelor’s Degree.
I am recently in the 4th year of my study in **University. I have learned a number of both useful and interesting courses during my first 3 years, such as Domestic Animal Physiology, Animal Biochemistry, Animal Derived Food Hygiene and so on. In those precious years my interest for management arose, so I also chose Marketing, International Trade and some other relevant courses. Although most of the courses I have taken were about animals and feed, I did not forget the goal of being in the food industry; I studied many fundamentals of food technology and food safety on my own, like food chemistry, food microbiology, etc. Not only did I acquire knowledge from lecturers and library, but also from research and practices. In the Student Research Training Programme，a student research programme in my university, I applied for the subject(Effects of Isopropyl Ester of Methionine Hydroxy Analog on Milk Production and Composition, Blood Biochemistry Index in Heat-Stressed Dairy Cows), did many testing and analysis work in the laboratory, and finally reached a good result. My tutor was quite satisfied with my work, which enhanced my confidence in both study and research. This experience helped me deeper my understanding on technological courses, and motivated me to further my knowledge on issues that effect food production. Even though my undergraduate study has provided me with some essential background in food technology, especially in animal derived food, it is not enough to make me a professional.
Netherlands is an Agricultural country, and has one of the most advanced agricultural systems in the world. Whenever I think about Netherlands, there are always pictures of herds of cows, seas of flowers, and endless farmlands, it is a perfect place for living and studying. Also, there are qualified foods, happy and managed animals in the fair land. But what attracted me most is * University, the most famous agricultural university in Europe. It is an ideal place for me, a student from agricultural university, to fulfill my dream, not to mention that the programme is just what I am looking for.
I am able to work well either on a team or by myself. With a motivated, energetic and open-minded personality, and a thirst for knowledge, I think it will be easy for me to adapt to new environment and face challenges. Besides, I will be honored if I could be a lecturer someday, so studying in Europe will qualify me better for that.
There are so much I can improve, and I believe that studying in your university can give me an excellent opportunity to maximize my ability. I will be looking forward to your positive reply, and I am eager and ready to take up new challenges in Netherlands.
Yours Faithfully

[xiaojuanjuan]

Come on ~~~ Nobody!!! guys,I really need help!
Could someone be so kind to look through it?

[Searching for language]

Originally Posted by xiaojuanjuan

I am really keen on this university, it has the perfect programme for me ~~~~~thank you ~~please correct it for me
Dear Madam/Sir

My name is **. I would like to apply for the Master’s programme of Food Quality Management, which will be conducted during the academic year 2010-2012.

A Chinese saying (says) is “Bread is the staff of life”. As a person who is sensitive to food, I hold the belief that the quality and safety of food is what matters most for the whole society, and from (then on) tbecause of his, I have (always) dream to pursue a career in controlling the quality and safety of food. That is why I (choose) chose the major, animal science, the very origin of food, for my Bachelor’s Degree.

I am recently in the 4th year of my study in **University. I have (learned) taken a number of both useful and interesting courses during my first 3 years, such as Domestic Animal Physiology, Animal Biochemistry, Animal Derived Food Hygiene and so on. In those precious years my interest for management arose, so I also chose Marketing, International Trade and some other relevant courses.

Although most of the courses I have taken were about animals and feed, I did not forget the goal of being in the food industry; I studied many fundamentals of food technology and food safety on my own, like food chemistry, food microbiology, etc. Not only did I acquire knowledge from lecturers and the University's library, but also from research and practices.

In the Student Research Training Programme，a student research programme in my university, I applied for the subject(Effects of Isopropyl Ester of Methionine Hydroxy Analog on Milk Production and Composition, Blood Biochemistry Index in Heat-Stressed Dairy Cows), did many testing and analysis work in the laboratory, and finally reached a good result. My tutor was quite satisfied with my work, which enhanced my confidence in both study and research. This experience helped me (deeper my) to come to a better understanding (on) of technological courses, and motivated me to further my knowledge on issues that (effect) affect food production.

Even though my undergraduate study has provided me with some essential background in food technology, especially in animal derived food, it is not enough to make me a professional. The Netherlands is an Agricultural country, and has one of the most advanced agricultural systems in the world. Whenever I think about the Netherlands, there are always pictures of herds of cows, seas of flowers, and endless farmlands. It is a perfect place for living and studying. Also, there are qualified foods, happy and managed animals in the fair land, but what attracted me most is * University, the most famous agricultural university in Europe. It is an ideal place for me, a student from an agricultural university, to fulfill my dream, not to mention that the programme is just what I am looking for.

I am able to work well either on a team or by myself. With a motivated, energetic and open-minded personality, and a thirst for knowledge, I think it will be easy for me to adapt to a new environment and face challenges. Besides, I will be honored if I could be a lecturer someday, so studying in Europe will qualify me better for that.

There are so (much) many areas in which I still need to improve, and I believe that studying in your university (can) will give me an excellent opportunity to maximize my ability.

I will be looking forward to your positive reply, and I am eager and ready to take up new challenges in the Netherlands.

Yours Faithfully

Your letter is generally well thought out, easy to understand, and I think gives a positive image of you and your goals. It is always the Netherlands
and you had a bit of a problem with a few words. You need to make your letter easier to read by using short paragraphs, although you did have the content well organized, in my opinion.

affect/effect affect is a verb, effect is a noun.
Example:
If there is too much rain it will affect the crops in the fields adversely.
If there is too much rain, there will be an adverse effect on the crops.

Delete the words I have put in parentheses, and replace with the red.

Best of Luck in your studies!

I am not a teacher.

[xiaojuanjuan]

Originally Posted by Searching for language

Your letter is generally well thought out, easy to understand, and I think gives a positive image of you and your goals. It is always the Netherlands
and you had a bit of a problem with a few words. You need to make your letter easier to read by using short paragraphs, although you did have the content well organized, in my opinion.

affect/effect affect is a verb, effect is a noun.
Example:
If there is too much rain it will affect the crops in the fields adversely.
If there is too much rain, there will be an adverse effect on the crops.

Delete the words I have put in parentheses, and replace with the red.

Best of Luck in your studies!

I am not a teacher.

Thank you very much, it really help me a lot. I will correct the mistakes。