Can you proof my Personal statement for graduate programs

Hi, folks,

I am a student who is preparing the application for oversea studies. Now the deadline of application (about one week!!) is coming but I still have a lot of troule in my personal statements. Could you please give me a hand on revising them?

It would be great help if you could work on gramma and change the essays into an impressive and powerful one.

Thanks you for in advance.

While the global media are discordant on the causes killed Michael Jackson, as a biologist, I pay special attention on the tragedy the King of Pop suffered severe burn in 1984. Referring this, I lost my thoughts in many genius’ similar misfortunate: Christopher Reeve, superman actor, died nine year after paralyzed in a terrible accident riding a horse; Sang Lan, gymnast, was condemned to a wheelchair by accidental dislocation of cervical vertebra caused by the training faulty. All these people and millions of thousands of people befell by unrecoverable trauma accidence every year don’t receive effective treatment, inflicting great wrench both mentally and physically. We thus for decades expect a new technology for regenerative therapy, of which the most promising is stem cell. Early this year, US President Obama, signed an Executive Order on stem cells research. This policy not only marked the coming of a new century for stem cell, but also will bring about a new situation for regenerative medicine. I, who determined to devote all my energy and talents to the biology science, felt tremendous excitement at this information. It meanwhile solidifies my belief to realize one long standing idea deep in my mind. I have thought for years on understanding the mechanisms that govern the growth, differentiation and development of different cells, not just stem cells from systemic perspectives, through deep researches in gene regulation network by taking advantages of the powerful tool: bioinformatics. Holding this thought, I was driven to outstandingly complete many works.
There are two critical things need to be discussed firstly. Starting from Jun this year, I participated in the research of HCCNet, a HCC database. During the procedure, I mastered SQL, PHP, Perl which are required in database construction. Furthermore, I learnt to process chips from different platforms by using bioconductor package of R. What is more, I took several remediation in sampling theory, parameter estimation and other statistics as well as the fundamental theory in Bayesian network, Gaussian graph model, ordinary differential equation, Boolean model, etc. for biological network reconstruction. Finally, I studies several algorithms like dynamic programming, kmp and HMM. A paper for this research, the HCCNet, was sent to cell biology. In addition to this, currently I participated in a 973 Program charged by Prof. Song. My work centered in the construction of a general-purpose database for stem cell researchers. Additionally I am intensively interested in the research of transcriptional network of stem cell and iPS through sources in combination of TFBS, ChIP-chip/seq data, reference confirmed and possibly other predictive information. This network will be dynamic and space-specific which may shed light on the uncoding of stemness maintenance and directed differentiation of stem cell.
On the other hand, in order to ensure the capability to obtain the valuable firsthand data for bioinformatical analysis, I put a lot of efforts on the training of experimental skills. From 2007-2009, I successively conducted experiments in National Key laboratory of Jilin University, Changchun University of Technology and Hunan XX. In Jilin University, I learnt with keen passion on the protein extraction and purification by HPLC and ion exchange chromatography. This experience impressed me on how to optimize experiment procedure based on different conditions. While in Changchun University of Technology, for the dissertation I designed all the experiments from the very beginning and individually obtained all expected the experimental results. The skills earned from Jilin University impact largely this research which is the establish of xx’s RAPD reaction system and its optimization. My excellent performance in the paper writing and oral defense leads to an A for the dissertation. While in hunan, I learnt even more from Ms cao, who honored a master in Tsinghua University and a bachelor in Peking University. At first I even don’t know how to conduct vector recombination. Ater hard training and frequent enquirement, gradually I mastered this technique and even became proficient in all essential gene engineer technogies: DNA extraction, PCR, gene recombination, transfection, resistance selection and norther/western blot. Influenced by previous lab experience, I start to think aspects and methods to optimize the experiments in the lab, like the PCR reaction, gel electrophoresis condition and transfection steps. With my ideas I always discuss with XX. Though my suggestion sounded not always useful, I trained myself the habit to oppugn, to open mind and to provoke original ideas. After I was enrolled by East China Normal University, every week I attended a group meeting on stem cell research by the charge of Prof. Wang Yuan to learn stem cell related knowledge though my supervisor refuse to offer me the chance to conduct experiments. We often discuss vehemently on the researches are conducting and the papers and I would advance proposals to them if an interesting thoughts spring out in my mind. These help me understand deeply on the stem cell and the project of the database for it.

All the accumulation I obtained from my experience founds the confidence to realize my long-run dream to uncover the secret of organism development. I think the xxx will offer me such an opportunity to maximally excavate my potentiality in the research of stem cell which will bring about a bright future for sufferers of serious physical damage through stem cell regenerative therapy.

Every dreamer (not the visionary) should have a different inspirational story in the depth of their hearts. Everyday I dream and desire to transcend myself and I also have a multiple of moving stories. But none will understand that the most favorite story for me is The Story of My Life. Not everyone would be found to like every aspect of it, though. I understand that it is precisely because it only makes me to love life, to be infatuated with science as well as to have strong confidence in the belief, to be persistent; more importantly, just because of it only makes me to decide to apply HKU, hoping that the HKU will maximally improve my vision of science, sublime my scientific accomplishment, and to excavate my potentiality of research.
The story wrote by my life comprises of several episodes each profoundly imprinted on my soul. This story started from a remote village which gave birth to me. It is really a place to write home about: in Spring, where flowers bloom in a riot of color, diverse birds sings with joyfully melody; in Summer, the trees make a pleasant shade around the village, the vegetable in the garden vegetate vigorously; in Autumn, the trees in the orchards hinge thickly with fruit, parents are all busy for harvesting the crops; in Winter, the snowflakes are dancing in the air creates white tale world, we children indulge in snowball fights. The electronic toys, cartoon, sweet candies didn’t occupy my childhood, but I made friends with Nature, my heart scampers on the steep hills and green field. I lived in the proximity with Nature, always immersed in the beauty of it, thus making me to be fulfilled love for life. On the other hand, the Nature hided the truth from my eyes and often puzzled me very much. As a child I would ask couples of questions like: why the flowers only bloom in the Spring? What caused the flash of lighting comes earlier than the thunder? All these experiences resulted in the very primary but keen love for science of myself. I desired to decipher a myriad of puzzles existed in our world. Until today, I still maintain such heavy enthusiasm. Eversince the moment I was informed the elusive property of stem cell, as the lightings or flowers I saw when I am a child, I eagered to understand why and how the stem cells can be self-renewal and directed differentiation.
The trials of life are either not predictable or easy to accept. However, they are meantime the most worthy and cherishable period to live in. It may be safe to categorize my life as suffered, but I am clear that what I learnt from the suffering is much more than what lost from it. All the trials of my life center in the tragedy of my father’s unfortunate death at a young age. I was only nine years old the moment I was cruelly deprived of fatherhood. That was in an outlying virgin forest where my father, as a lumberjack, was hit by a accidental rapidly felled branch in the size of bowl. For a long time after the funeral our family was still in the pain over losing my father. But we have another emergency to worry about which is how to afford my tuition fee. I need to register the school again and my little brother will soon start to study in the elementary school. In fact my mother is a strong woman and doesn’t want to borrow too much from the relatives. So my mother raised a lot of livestock, pigs, sheep, cattle and fishes. We also ploughed and weeded on a large farmland. As to lighten heavy burden from my mother, I like to help him on mowing grass for cattle and fishes, herding sheep and farm work, etc. I had to read textbooks and write homework under the glimmering orange light in the very late night. Though I had more time on the work I try my best to squeeze time to study as more as possible. Little by little my mother and I earned enough money from the vegetable, the crops, and the livestock to support the studies of me and my little brother which helped us to have the chance to finished the courses from elementary school to primary school, from primary school to middle school, and finally to the university. Although I was regretful for that I lost a lot of time not on study, this special experience posed great positive effects on the formation of my firm personality. It told me to be optimistic, to bravely confront the difficulty and to never say no to my ability. Only confidence, persistence, diligence, belief can bring us hope. It is doubtless that my perseverance deeply rooted in heart will enable me to explore research farther than others. There are merely several primary works done by researchers on the stemness maintenance and differentiation of stem cell by taking advantage of bioinformatics. I equally hope that my commitment to this work will make several important contributions on the regenerative medicine.
The period of my university largely impacted me in other respects. I, starting from the beginning of the application, am apprehensive with my moderate exam score. In order to pay for the university fee, I had to do a lot of part-time jobs. I once worked as car market investigator, telephone promotion specialist, workshop worker, campus representative of software training company, and home tutor. If enough time was given, I believe that I can work very well. The performance of my work and the National Graduation Admission Examination after my graduation should offer a strong argument for that hypothesis. Both of the thorough knowledge in biology and crazy for mathematical and philosophy made me understand that the organism, as a complex system, cannot be interpreted by traditional reductionism. Bioinformatics is exactly such a perfect tool can systematically research the biological problems. I believe that it can surely perform its huge effect in transcriptomics, proteomics, epigenetics, as well as other thriving disciplines in the post genomic era. However, bioinformatics must base on the biological hypothesis, which requires the bioinformaticians first to be an excellent biologist, especially for the man with a biological background. We should first learn to how to obtain the first hand data, through this to find more valuable biological mechanism. And this is the major reason that I decide to leave East China Normal University where I cannot accept strict training on biology experiments. Actually the renowned programs in HKU have attracted me for a long time. I once attended a seminar on the introduction for studies in hk. I know that hku has many distinguished scholars like xxx. And I am really thirsty for a much more liberal, energetic, creative, and committed academic environment. I believe that if I am fortunate enough to be enrolled by HKU, I will put my potentiality into a full play.
I am always struggling for it and I really need such an opportunity.