Looking for a final touch on my Motivation Letter...please?

[Willwhite]

Hi everyone!

I have written the following motivation letter to apply for a quantitative internship in a bank, in a position such as a credit risk analyst. It requires strong mathematical and programming skills, as well as a good knowledge in finance and an excellent grasp on English.
Although it must be very enthusiastic, it should not be "too much".

Thank you!

Here it is:



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the <INTERNSHIP>, listed in <WHERE I FOUND IT>.

I have recently graduated from the business school of the University of Lausanne, and earned a Bachelor of Science in Economics. I also completed two semesters in the University of British Columbia, Vancouver, Canada, where I reached an excellent level of English. Throughout my studies, I acquired an extended knowledge in finance and economics, which I look forward to applying to the professional world. But this is not the only reason why I am applying for this internship.

I also want to learn. I am always eager to learn more, in order to make the difference. Indeed I learned, in parallel to my studies, the programming languages C++, JAVA, HTML and others, which provide me with the excitement of putting mathematics principles into practice. Speaking of the latter, I have also worked assiduously to improve my knowledge in quantitative finance as well as in financial engineering, going way further of what was taught in my undergraduate lessons. I want to make the most of this urge for work and learning by joining your <TEAM>.

Not only do I have the ambition to excel, but also to take part actively in the everyday business of the <FIRM>, learn how it works internally, meet new people and find out how I could turn this internship into the most enriching experience. Although I am an excellent team worker, I can as well perfectly work independently, my strong motivation and my sense of organization allow for a passionate and efficient work. I am a quick-learner, and want to take good use of my ability to solve problems, add my contributions, and maybe change things for the better. And I cannot envisage a better start as in the <FIRM>.

Indeed, <FIRM> is to me the top-level of the financial world. Your division <DIVISION>, is exactly what I am looking for: <WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR, i.e. dynamic, challenging, exciting, demanding, socially active>.

I have now only one desire, joining your team and take part in driving it towards success.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,

Blanc Guillaume

P.S.:
· I am available from January 1st 2010 to September 1st 2010
· Feel free to call me 24/7 for further information on my mobile phone:
· I would love to call you in the days following my application to make a first contact

[Willwhite]

Any suggestions?

[ms_shd]

not too bad

[Willwhite]

Well thank you :)

I posted it, but my application hasen't been answered yet.

wait'n see =)