Could anybody correct my motivation letter?

[okluka]

Please, can any one please help me to correct my motivation letter?



Dear Sir or Madam:



I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Program for my second year in the Bachelor in International Relations. My first option is the University of Bergen, in Norway, in the Faculty of Social Sciences.


I am currently studying in the 2nd semester and as my study programme I have chosen specialisation – International Relations and Journalism. Having looked through the materials of the Foreign Department of my university, I was very delighted to find the opportunity to spend one semester learning international relations at the University of Bergen.


I have decided to apply for this programme because I am sure it would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective career. Moreover I consider this programme as a great opportunity to get in touch with Scandinavian culture and educational system. Last but not least, I am very curious about different approaches to the international relations at the foreign university.


A very obvious reason why the Bergen is an attractive university is its internationality. I have learned that this institution has earned the reputation of being Norway’s most international university and this international influence is also apparent and vital in the high profile research fields at the university.


I am planning on taking the following courses that would complete my curricular area: Scandinavian Politics and Government, Scandinavian Area Studies, Democracy and Democratisation. The University of Bergen gives me a chance to get in touch with these subjects through modules from Department of Comparative Politics. I hope the possibilities that gives me University of Bergen further expand those at my home university.


I consider Norway very interesting as it plays an active role in international system as a third party mediator in a number of international conflicts and cornerstones of Norwegian policy are active membership in NATOand support for the United Nations and its specialized agencies. My aim is to deepen my knowledge about model to foreign policy known as the "Norwegian model," and the courses offered by the Faculty of Social Sciences would be good preparation towards this aim.


Another reason for studying abroad is to learn a new language by immersing myself in the daily life of the country, especially in a non-English speaking country like Norway. I welcome opportunity to learn another one language and I hope a program, held in English, will prepare with vocabulary, useful and necessary for an international future.
I am able to take courses in English language, in which I am at the level C1.


I am sure that this semester will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. I am convinced this experience would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective profession.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,
XXX

[Gillnetter]

Please, can any one please help me to correct my motivation letter?


Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Program for my second year in the Bachelor in International Relations. My first option is the University of Bergen, in Norway, in the Faculty of Social Sciences. {I don't believe that I would include this sentence as it brings up the question of what is the second option. Also, the people at the university know that they are in Norway}

I am currently studying in the 2nd second semester and as my study programme I have chosen to specialisation specialize in International Relations and Journalism. Having looked through the materials of the Foreign Department of my university, I was very delighted to find the opportunity to spend one semester learning international relations at the University of Bergen.

I have decided to apply for this programme because I am sure it would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective career. Moreover, I consider this programme as a great opportunity to get in touch with the Scandinavian culture and educational system. Last but not least, I am very curious about different approaches to the international relations at the a foreign university. {"To get in touch with" may not be the best phrase for this type of letter. How about, "to learn more about"}

A very obvious reason why the Bergen is an attractive university is its internationality. I have learned that this institution has earned the reputation of being Norway’s most international university and this international influence is also apparent and vital in the high profile research fields at the university.

I am planning on taking the following courses that would complete my curricular area: Scandinavian Politics and Government, Scandinavian Area Studies, Democracy and Democratisation. The University of Bergen gives will give me a chance to get in touch with these subjects through modules from the Department of Comparative Politics. I hope the possibilities that gives me University of Bergen further expand those at my home university. {I hope that the University of Bergen will help me expand on what I learned at my home university (?)}


I consider Norway very interesting as it plays an active role in the international system as a third party mediator in a number of international conflicts. and The cornerstones of Norwegian policy are active membership in NATO and support for the United Nations and its specialized agencies. My aim is to deepen my knowledge about the model to foreign policy known as the "Norwegian model," and the courses offered by the Faculty of Social Sciences would be good preparation towards this aim.


Another reason for studying abroad is to learn a new language by immersing myself in the daily life of the country, especially in a non-English speaking country like Norway. I welcome the opportunity to learn another one language and I hope a program, held in English, will prepare me with vocabulary, useful and necessary for an international future. I am able to take courses in English language, in which I am at the level C1 level.


I am sure that this semester will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. I am convinced this experience would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective profession.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,
XXX

You may want to review the rules concerning when articles are needed for countable and uncountable nouns. I suggest that you rewrite this letter and post the revised one for comments.

[okluka]

So I rewrote it. I hope its better. By the way thank you very much for quick answer


Dear Sir or Madam:



I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Program for my second year in the Bachelor in International Relations. I am currently in the second semester and as my study programme I have chosen to specialize in International Relations and Journalism. Having looked through the materials of the Foreign Department of my university, I was delighted to find the opportunity to spend one semester learning international relations at the University of Bergen.


I have decided to apply for this programme because I am sure it would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective career. Moreover, I consider this programme as a great opportunity to learn more about the Scandinavian culture and educational system. Last but not least, I am very curious about different approaches to international relations at a foreign university.


A very obvious reason why Bergen is an attractive university is its internationality. I have learned that this institution has earned the reputation of being Norway’s most international university and this international influence is also apparent and vital in the high profile research fields at the university.


I am planning on taking the following courses: Scandinavian Politics and Government, Scandinavian Area Studies, Democracy and Democratisation. The University of Bergen will give me a chance to learn more about these subjects through modules from the Department of Comparative Politics. I hope that the University of Bergen will help me expand on what I learned at my home university.


I consider Norway very interesting as it plays an active role in the international system as a third party mediator in a number of international conflicts. The cornerstones of Norwegian policy are active membership in NATOand support for the United Nations and its specialized agencies. My aim is to deepen my knowledge about the foreign policy known as the "Norwegian model," and the courses offered by the Faculty of Social Sciences would be good preparation towards this aim.


Another reason for studying abroad is to learn a new language by immersing myself in the daily life of the country, especially in a non-English speaking country like Norway. I welcome the opportunity to learn another language and I hope a program, held in English, will prepare me with vocabulary, useful and necessary for an international future. I am able to take courses in English, in which I am at the C1 level.


I am sure that this semester will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. I am convinced this experience would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective profession.

Thank you for considering my application.

Sincerely yours,


XXX

[Gillnetter]

So I rewrote it. I hope its better. By the way thank you very much for quick answer


Dear Sir or Madam:



I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Program for my second year in the Bachelor in International Relations. I am currently in the second semester and as my study programme I have chosen to specialize in International Relations and Journalism. Having looked through the materials of the Foreign Department of my university, I was delighted to find the opportunity to spend one a semester learning international relations at the University of Bergen.


I have decided to apply for this programme because I am sure it would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective career. Moreover, I consider this programme as a great opportunity to learn more about the Scandinavian culture and educational system. Last but not least, I am very curious about the different approaches to international relations at a foreign university.


A very obvious reason why Bergen is an attractive university is its internationality. I have learned that this institution has earned the reputation of being Norway’s most international university and this international influence is also apparent and vital in the high profile research fields at the university.


I am planning on taking the following courses: Scandinavian Politics and Government, Scandinavian Area Studies, Democracy and Democratisation. The University of Bergen will give me a chance to learn more about these subjects through modules from the Department of Comparative Politics. I hope that the University of Bergen will help me expand on what I learned at my home university.


I consider Norway very interesting as it plays an active role in the international system as a third party mediator in a number of international conflicts. The cornerstones of Norwegian policy are active membership in NATO and support for the United Nations and its specialized agencies. My aim is to deepen my knowledge about the foreign policy known as the "Norwegian model," and the courses offered by the Faculty of Social Sciences would be good preparation towards this aim.


Another reason for studying abroad is to learn a new language by immersing myself in the daily life of the country, especially in a non-English speaking country like Norway. I welcome the opportunity to learn another language and I hope a program, held in English, will prepare me with a larger vocabulary, useful and necessary for an international future {It can't be "an international future". How about, "useful and necessary for a future on the international level"?}. I am able to take courses in English, in which I am at the C1 level.


I am sure that this semester will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. I am convinced this experience would strongly enrich my future studies and help me in my prospective profession.

Thank you for considering my application.

Sincerely yours,


XXX

It reads much better now. I would suggest changing the part about international future. Beyond that, it is well written and flows nicely.