please check my motivation letter for the university, thank you!!!!

[pepoaronson]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information to support my application to the Politecnico Di Milano for the 2010 second semester.
When I visited Campus Studies, a consulting company for Israelis who want to study abroad, I knew that this was a program that would challenge and interest me. I am highly motivated to attend to this program because it perfectly matches what I wanted to do after finishing my economics studies. I have the ambition to become internationally successful and this program is a great opportunity to achieve that.
My name is Diego Aronson, born in Rosario, Argentina, and currently living in Israel. Since my early years the dilemma of my future university studies was very important to me. Therefore at the age of 18, when I had an opportunity to change something I made a very drastic step and took an opportunity to join a social project which provided me the chance to live and study in Israel. I have had to adapt myself to the new culture and language as fast as possible, and my previous knowledge of English helped me a lot. I found myself a quick learner and even the fact that I had to study all of the courses in Hebrew hasn’t become an obstacle. Furthermore the challenge motivated me to continue improving my knowledge of foreign languages and English particularly.

After a couple of years in Israel I decided to give one step ahead, signing up for the economics and management B.A. Why economics? Because it is a profession I like and I do believe that investing in this direction will bring the benefits I expect. I am exciting to understand how the world economics works, and to think about the challenges that should be overcome to become a successful professional.
After my college studies I found a position at the Mitzrahi bank, a good opportunity for me to sharpen administrative skills and interpersonal relations, in a real environment.
When I successfully graduated from college, it was clear to me that I did not want to stop on what I have achieved, but to continue improving my skills and knowledge in a respected and well known European University, as Politecnico di Milano is.

Why Management, Economics and Industrial Engineering? First of all it is an international program that is a great experience not only from the professional point of view, but also in the personal aspect, and I strongly believe that this combination will help me in strengthen my skills in these aspects.
Why Italy? The answer for this question is easy for me. Italy is an unquestionable world leader in the global world. Moreover, Italian culture is very similar to the Argentinean culture where I grew up because of the fact that about two thirds of the population is Italian descendents. I like to spend time with Italian people that I have the chance to meet in Israel, eat Italian food, watch the international Italian channel, and talk about Italian calcio. Why Como? It is also easy to answer. Como would give me a chance to go to Italy, study in a calm place and in a prestigious university. I would be honored to receive this opportunity.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I excited to take challenge and go to the Polictenico. I am eager to gain new experiences and in my opinionthis program is the best way to achieve that. The international aspect of your institution and the very high standard of education attract students from various countries, and I find the interaction during the studies very enriching and this is exactly what I am looking for. I am positive that the Politecnico will be an excellent start for an ambitious business career.
Thank you for considering my application

sincerely yours,

[Gillnetter]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information to support my application to the Politecnico Di Milano for the 2010 second semester.

My name is Diego Aronson, I was born in Rosario, Argentina, and am currently living in Israel. Since my early years the dilemma of my future university studies was very important to me. Therefore, at the age of 18, when I had an opportunity to change something, I made a very drastic step and took an opportunity to join a social project which provided me the chance to live and study in Israel. I have had to adapt myself to the new culture and language as fast as possible, and my previous knowledge of English helped me a lot. I found myself a quick learner and even the fact that I had to study all of the courses in Hebrew hasn’t become was not an obstacle. Furthermore, the challenge motivated me to continue improving my knowledge of foreign languages, and English particularly English.

When I visited Campus Studies, a consulting company for Israelis who want to study abroad, I knew that this was a your program that would challenge and interest me. I am highly motivated to attend to this your program because it perfectly matches what I wanted to do after finishing my economics studies. I have the ambition to become internationally successful and this program is a great opportunity to achieve that.

After a couple of years in Israel I decided to give move one step ahead, signing up for the economics and management B.A. Why economics? Because it is a profession I like and I do believe that investing in this direction will bring the benefits I expect. I am exciting excited to understand how the world economics works, and to think about the challenges that should be overcome to become a successful professional.

After my college studies I found a position at the Mitzrahi bank, a good opportunity for me to sharpen my administrative skills and interpersonal relations, in a real environment.

When I successfully graduated from college, it was clear to me that I did not want to stop on what I have achieved, but to continue improving my skills and knowledge in a respected and well known European university, as Politecnico di Milano is.

Why management, economics and industrial engineering? First of all, it is an international program that is a great experience not only from the professional point of view, but also in the personal aspect, and I strongly believe that this combination will help me in to strengthen my skills in these aspects.

Why Italy? The answer for this question is easy for me. Italy is an unquestionable world leader in the global world. Moreover, Italian culture is very similar to the Argentinean culture where I grew up because of the fact that about two thirds of the population is are Italian descendents. I like to spend time with Italian people that I have the chance to meet in Israel, eat Italian food, watch the international Italian channel, and talk about Italian calcio. Why Como? It is also easy to answer. Como would give me a chance to go to Italy (Como can't give you a chance), study in a calm place and in a prestigious university. I would be honored to receive this opportunity.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I excited to take the challenge and go to the Polictenico. I am eager to gain new experiences and, in my opinion, this program is the best way to achieve that. The international aspect of your institution and the very high standards of education attract students from various countries, and I find the interaction during the studies very enriching and this is exactly what I am looking for. I am positive that the Politecnico will be an excellent start for an ambitious business career.

Thank you for considering my application

Sincerely yours,

Here are some basic editing changes. This still needs more work. I would suggest dropping the "Why" questions - Why Italy, Why Como, etc. as they tend to distract the reader. I suggest that you rewrite this and repost it for comments.

[pepoaronson]

thank you for the quick response, I really appreciate it
I just changed my essay and as you said I have to fix it a little more.
I will post it in the future

thank you very much again