Please help me revise my Personal Statement...
It's my first draft. Thank you so much for every opinion.
I am xxxxx, a current employee of xxxxxxxx., Thailand. Not only am I extremely interested in the philosophy of engineering, I also think business skill is very necessary for the worldís commerce. These are the reasons why I chose to graduate in chemical engineering for Bachelorís degree and really hope to study in business administration for Masterís degree.
Nowadays Thailand, having adopted a global approach to business, has been developing gently. As a Thai I expect my country will be able to be an industrial leader and sustainably developing; therefore, I decide to study in business administration for improving the organization that I get involved in the future and my family-run enterprise. Moreover, I would share knowledge and experience to everyone interested as well.
Furthermore, China is the most dominant country in the world. There has both the state-of-the-art technology, the greatly strong industries and particularly the wonderful cultures. Because of these things, I didnít hesitate to study Chinese and travel in Tianjin for 3 months. At that time, I learned some martial art -Tai Chi and Double stick fighting-, brush-pen drawing and Chinese cuisine besides Chinese language. After I went back to Thailand, I have still contacted my Chinese friends up to now. I am also impressed everything happening there and look forward to visiting there again.
After I finish my study in China, my determination is to evolve Thai commerce by starting from organizations that I would work for in advance meanwhile I would educate my useful know-how to everyone who wants to develop their business to meet the international standards. In addition, I would also expand Thai goods to global market like Chinese products successful all over the world.
For all of the reasons, I started to search a perfect university which can fulfill my dream and make my hopes become true. Finally, I surely believe that studying at xxxx University in the faculty of Business Administration will give me an opportunity to develop my postgraduate knowledge as efficient as I can. Teamed with your outstanding academic resources, your innovative approach to teaching and learning will help me to build the key qualities of self-motivation and confidence, as well as practical skills and professional knowledge in the field. Hence, I am eager to study in your university and I am grateful if you please give careful consideration to my application.
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