#1  
Old 27-Oct-2005, 03:53
Newbie
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Default only a few lines to check.... thx

After graduating from Zurich Business School and a three-year education programm with UBS, I started my studies at Zürcher Hochschule Winterthur. Due to a negative assesment result in 2005, I reconsidered my plan and I decided to go further on my professional development. I would like to take this step with **COMPANY**.
  #2  
Old 28-Oct-2005, 15:07
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 727
Default Re: only a few lines to check.... thx

Quote:
Originally Posted by refee
After graduating from Zurich Business School and a three-year education programm with UBS, I started my studies at Zürcher Hochschule Winterthur. Due to a negative assesment result in 2005, I reconsidered my plan and I decided to go further on my professional development. I would like to take this step with **COMPANY**.
Zurich or Zuerich?
Please start all over again.

Negative assessment - you start your cover letter saying you basically could not handle school.
I reconsidered my plan - it sounds like you are applying for a job but it is option 2/2
Further on my professional development - fluff, your potential employer wants to know what you can do for them.
I would like - you would like or you want?

You may think this is harsh - anything wishy washy moves to file 13 - out of sight. Try again! Sit in front of a mirror and talk like you are in an interview then write it out.
  #3  
Old 30-Oct-2005, 08:36
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8
Default Re: only a few lines to check.... thx

Your cover letter needs to be rewritten. It only shows your negative attitude. I'm sorry to write this, but this is true. A well-written cover letter is a most effective tool in your job hunt. To ensure that you make it into the probables pile you must create a targeted, professional cover letter that ensures your resume is given the attention it deserves.

Also, the spelling of 'assesment' is wrong. It should be assessment.
---------------------------------------

Last edited by Tdol; 25-Mar-2006 at 08:20.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
few, lines, check, thx


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
hi would u check out my article? THANK YOU SO MUCH!! sage Ask a Teacher 1 25-Jul-2005 07:20
all lines or all the lines ripley Ask a Teacher 1 19-Dec-2004 11:23
lines NewHope Ask a Teacher 4 04-Oct-2004 13:07
please check on my paragraph... Anonymous Ask a Teacher 7 16-Mar-2004 03:22


All times are GMT. The time now is 18:55.



Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.