Please help edit my admission essay

[desertautumn]

here's the essay question: On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

***I chose Biological Science and here's my reason why****


My first fascination of Human Biology started when I saw this TV advertisement about a milk which, apparently, had high Calcium concentration that could reduce the risk of having Osteoporosis. I was four years old back then. So, when I saw the illustration of spinal cord on TV, it stretched my mind and curiosity. I can’t say my interest in Science grew deeper from then on, because I only began to appreciate it when we studied the Cardiovascular System in Grade Six. There was something about the coordination of all parts of the body and scientific thinking which aroused my interest.

I remembered how my Grandfather died of enlargement of the heart. My ideas were clashing at that time, because I thought an enlargement of the heart should be beneficial as the rate of transfer of blood would be faster. I looked for answers, the same way I searched for answers in my first formal Scientific write up in Biology. It was about the differences in heart rate of Males and Females, and Fit and Unfit Students. Searching for answers to the data presented before me, and looking for patterns or explanations for those that didn’t fit the pattern, opened my eyes to how we can use Science to explain mysteries.

When I took A-level Biology, the study of the application of Scientific Concepts made me even more engaged in my studies. I learned the difference between causation and correlation, and the role of Statistics in research. I love how we can investigate enigmas by being methodical, and then using illustrations to explain our discoveries to others.