Could you correct a formal letter of academic purposes?

Dear teachers,

I would like to send a letter to a US University.

Could you check it for mistakes?

Thank you in advance.

The mail:

Dear Dr. ,

Thank you very much for your interest.

I would like to inform you that I made formal application to the Graduate School of the University of Tennessee on December 14, 2011.

I am aware of the significance of my TOEFL score for the Graduate School and for the College of Nursing.

If it could help, The TOEFL program informed me yesterday via E-mail that my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be available online. I have not managed yet to connect with ETS server because of the exams takers’ high demand for online results. I am still trying to connect with the ETS server in order to have my scores. Once I have them, I will send them promptly to you.

Apart from the online scores, I hope that you will receive the official scores soon in order to act as needed.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lennie_ar

Dear teachers,

I would like to send a letter to a US University.

Could you check it for mistakes?

Thank you in advance.

The mail:

Dear Dr. ,

Thank you very much for your interest. (I'm not sure I understand this statement,especially if you are making application. Did the university contact you indicating an "interest" in you attending?)

I would like to inform you that I made formal application to the Graduate School of the University of Tennessee on December 14, 2011.

I am aware of the significance of my TOEFL score for the Graduate School and for the College of Nursing.

If it could help, the TOEFL program informed me yesterday via E-mail that my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started begun to be available online. I have not managed yet to connect with ETS server because of the exams takers’ high demand for online results. I am still trying to connect with the ETS server in order to have obtain my scores. Once I have them, I will send them promptly to you.

Apart from the online scores, I hope that you will receive the official scores soon in order to act as needed for you to consider my application. I am hopeful for a favorable decision with regard to my request for enrollment.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

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b.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lennie_ar

my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be available online.

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[not a teacher]

An important point: if your are gettting a set of scores, that will be released one at a time over a period (of time), you can use "have begun to be available", as billmcd has indicated. However, if your scores are released all-at-once, or at least are all now completely released, this verb usage will sound strange to the reader. In this case, you would want to say "my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be are now available online." (assuming you qualify it as you did before, mentioning that you have yet to get access)

Thank you so much for your replies!!

Skilled English speakers online available... this forum is amazing!

As regards the first sentence of my letter, the professor in whom I am sending the message is not uknown. My mail is a reply to a professors' mail.

The sentence "Thank you very much [...]", I feel that makes sense.

Good luck! :up: