Could you correct a formal letter of academic purposes?

[Lennie_ar]

Dear teachers,

I would like to send a letter to a US University.

Could you check it for mistakes?

Thank you in advance.

The mail:

Dear Dr. ,

Thank you very much for your interest.

I would like to inform you that I made formal application to the Graduate School of the University of Tennessee on December 14, 2011.

I am aware of the significance of my TOEFL score for the Graduate School and for the College of Nursing.

If it could help, The TOEFL program informed me yesterday via E-mail that my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be available online. I have not managed yet to connect with ETS server because of the exams takers’ high demand for online results. I am still trying to connect with the ETS server in order to have my scores. Once I have them, I will send them promptly to you.

Apart from the online scores, I hope that you will receive the official scores soon in order to act as needed.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

[billmcd]

Dear teachers,

I would like to send a letter to a US University.

Could you check it for mistakes?

Thank you in advance.

The mail:

Dear Dr. ,

Thank you very much for your interest. (I'm not sure I understand this statement,especially if you are making application. Did the university contact you indicating an "interest" in you attending?)

I would like to inform you that I made formal application to the Graduate School of the University of Tennessee on December 14, 2011.

I am aware of the significance of my TOEFL score for the Graduate School and for the College of Nursing.

If it could help, the TOEFL program informed me yesterday via E-mail that my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started begun to be available online. I have not managed yet to connect with ETS server because of the exams takers’ high demand for online results. I am still trying to connect with the ETS server in order to have obtain my scores. Once I have them, I will send them promptly to you.

Apart from the online scores, I hope that you will receive the official scores soon in order to act as needed for you to consider my application. I am hopeful for a favorable decision with regard to my request for enrollment.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

b.

[BobSmith]

my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be available online.

[not a teacher]

An important point: if your are gettting a set of scores, that will be released one at a time over a period (of time), you can use "have begun to be available", as billmcd has indicated. However, if your scores are released all-at-once, or at least are all now completely released, this verb usage will sound strange to the reader. In this case, you would want to say "my TOEFL iBT™ scores have started to be are now available online." (assuming you qualify it as you did before, mentioning that you have yet to get access)

[Lennie_ar]

Thank you so much for your replies!!

Skilled English speakers online available... this forum is amazing!

As regards the first sentence of my letter, the professor in whom I am sending the message is not uknown. My mail is a reply to a professors' mail.

The sentence "Thank you very much [...]", I feel that makes sense.

[BobSmith]

Good luck!