can you help me with this statement

[brecht]

I am applying for this job because, as a museum professional, I am deeply comitted to the goal of museums as educational centres as well as institutions for the conservation of heritage. I developed a strong interest in education while working at the Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofía (MNCARS), which led me to personal research in audience development and educational programs within museums. Although I performed tasks related to exhibition coordination and documentation, I have realizad the aspects of my work I found most rewarding were in education-related functions. I believe a museum is an institution for the lifelong adventure of learning and allows individuals continuously to upgrade their knowledge and appreciation of art and I am highly attracted to Tate’s willingness to increase public awareness, understanding and appreciation of international modern and cotemporary art.
Through my universities studies, I achieved a thourough knowledge and understanding of art history, complemented by a one-year-study for the preparation of a state wide exam for the MNCARS, which included, among other topics related to Museology and Law, art history issues from impressionists to contemporary art. Due to my excellent performance, I gained entry to this highly prestigious museum, as a coordinator and documentalist. My inmediate responsabilities were to curate the works on loan at the Registrar’s department, both for documentation and conservation needs, to update the database and to report to the Board of Trustees.
After one year, I started at the Collections department as a curator for the separation of collections between the MNCARS and the Prado Museum. I worked closely with chief curators of both museums, perusing the 19th and 20th century works.
This experience allowed me to apply my organisational skills and led me to a coordinator position of the MNCARS exhibitions abroad, while, at the same time, handled all the documentation related to new loans. By assuming such responsabilities, I acquired a breadth of experience in dealing with complex organisational methods, as a As a coordinator, I managed two international exhibitions: “Picasso’s century”, held in Athens, and “La Spagana dipinge il Novecento”, in Rome, both in 2003. By assuming such responsabilities, I acquired a breadth of experience in dealing with complex organisational methods, as an institution of this kind requires. It was also a great opportunity for me to enhance my communicative skills, liasing with varied teams of professionals and museum departments. Both exhibitions received international press acclaim and “Picasso’s century” exhibition was opened by her Majesty the Queen of Spain.
Owing to my good organisational skills, I coordinated the edition of María Blanchard’s Catalogue Raisonné, organising a team of a photographer and an editor, while other duties included correspondence with public museums and private collector, invoice-tracking and proofreading.
In addition to my written abilities, my strong interest in education led me to collaborate with the Education department in editing the biographies of the artists of the MNCARS collection for the new collection’s catalogue. Our main purpose was to give both an acurate and pedagogical account of the achievements of these artists.
As evidence of my commitment to education, I am collaborating as a teacher with the Institute of Art in Madrid (Iart), training postgraduates in Museum and Exhibition techniques. Additionally, at my present work for DEARTE Contemporáneo, foundation for the development and support of contemporary art, I am also working as a coordinator of cultural activities, programming educational activities which will focus on three targeted audiences: children (Art and children program, aimed at developing children’s artistic abilities in their earliest years), adolescents (Cultural Diversity program, focused on the integration of cultural an social apects on high education students) and adults (Art appreciation program), aimed at strenghtening or developing adults’ knowledge and understanding in contemporary art issues). The first two programs will be built in workshops within the schools while the third one will be delivered in the form of intensive courses, talks and visits with lecturers to museums and galleries.
Despite my constant interest in gallery education and cultural diversity, I hope, as a member of your team, to upgrade continuously my knowledge so that I remain competent within my profession and contribute effectively to the work of Tate.

[Tdol]

Do museums have audience (line 4)? It may well be the term used in the area, in which case use it, but I would talk of visitors.
L5- typo: I have realizad (-ed)
L7- continuously to upgrade their knowledge and appreciation of art- I'd move continuously to after art, but others wouldn't
L8- typo- contemporary (n missing)
l12- My inmediate responsabilities- immediate responsibilities (this mistake is repeated)
l16- perusing the 19th and 20th century works- I'd change persuing because it sounds a bit casual- examining or something?
l18 coordinator position of the MNCARS- I'd use 'for'
l19 as a As a- repeat- There should be a full stop before it IMO
l27 correspondence with public museums and private collector- singular?
Para 3- In addition to my written abilities- I'm not sure what you mean here- abilities that have been recorded or with the written word? If the latter, then I'd use writing skills. Also the phrase doesn't seem to connect to me tothe rest of the sentence- I don't see the connection
foundation for the development and support of contemporary art- a/the foundation

[brecht]

Thank you Tdol for your help.
One last question: do you think this statement is too long for a job application?

[Tdol]

It's just under 700 words- it could be a bit shorter.