Please review my Personal Statement
I'm trying to receive a scholarship. The maximum length is two pages and I've been having trouble limiting it. I want a second opinion on my essay and tips would be helpful :) Thanks.
Iwas born with a strong yearning for independence. When I was twoyears old, my father left me. After that occurred, my mother and Ihad moved at least a dozen times by the time I was fourteen yearsold. Within those twelve years, my mother married two more times.When I was eighteen years old, my mother left me and my othersiblings to get married a fourth time to a guy she had never met inperson. From these personal experiences and more, I have definitelygained a fierce characteristic of independence.
Whenmy father left me when I was two years old, I was awfully young. Ithad not affected me until my teen years and when it did, I felt likea piece of me was missing. It's very difficult growing up without afather and it still affects me today. An even bigger piece was lostwhen my mother left me and my siblings (who were four and six at thetime) when I was eighteen. I felt inadequate. I felt alone. I feltlike I wasn't wanted by anybody. It was a horrible feeling to notfeel wanted by either of your parents, but I knew that I had to staystrong for my siblings. My mother didn't leave us completely alone;we were left with her third husband, but even then, he wasn't a greatfather to his two children they had together. I was their new mother.
Betweenthe age of two and fourteen, I had moved at least a dozen times. Iwent to different schools every time. One of those moves was a bigone; we had moved to St. Louis, Missouri because my mother met a guyon the internet and decided to marry and move in with him. Being ashy kid, it wasn't easy making friends in the first place. On top ofthat, I was always “the new kid” which isn't easy either. I was aloner. What little friends I did make I always had to leaveeventually. I eventually came to the conclusion that I shouldn'tbecome close with anybody because I would be moving soon and I wouldbe hurt in the end. When I was fourteen, we moved one last time; ithad become obvious that we had finally found a permanent place tolive. I had already been deeply affected by my past and in turn, Ididn't want to make friends. I was severely depressed. I had themindset that everyone would leave me in the end, so why put myself ina vulnerable position.
Thereis so many more experiences that I could talk about that haveaffected me severely, but I don't want this to be a sob story.Although the above experiences still affect me today in one way oranother, I've grown from them. I've gained a strong quality:independence. I do not like relying on people.
Today,I do live with my mother. She has moved back to California and wehave settled our differences in an adult manner. We have made anagreement that if I'm in school, she will give me a place to live,but I do not ask for anything more. I pay for my expenses completely.I make sure I maintain a great GPA so I can receive grants from thestate and from the school. I work part-time at a hardware store tohelp me pay for my expenses, but working part-time is not enough inthis economy. With a $130 parking pass and books that cost at least$50 each, food for days that I'm in school all day and for gas whichis now reaching $5.00 a gallon, it's extremely difficult to get by.On top of that, I'm an art major. I'm taking options in GraphicDesign and Multimedia and I'm minoring in Advertising. Most artclasses have art fees; classes like painting require students to payand provide their own supplies. I usually never have enough money toget these. That's why I've had to take out loans from the school andI'm not proud of that. As of today, I have $50 in the bank to last metwo weeks before I get paid again and I spent $30 in gas thismorning.
I'dlike to be considered for a scholarship because it would help mesignificantly. I want my mother to know that I am an independentwoman and I don't need her help. She offers me help often and I nevertake it. I want her to know that I have taken the time to write thispersonal statement and earn a scholarship on my own. I want her to beproud. I want her to realize that although she has put me throughhell by making me move all those times and getting married four timesto low-lives, it has only made me stronger and more independent.
By abdulaziz90 in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 02-Nov-2011, 00:12
By Rimaz in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 04-Jan-2010, 16:34
By cecemel in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
Last Post: 01-Dec-2009, 15:59
By Benno1323 in forum Letter Writing
Last Post: 25-Jul-2009, 20:28
By Tobi Banto in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 11-May-2009, 18:06
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO