Please see my suggested amendments above in red.Can a native speaker or an English teach help me to correct this motivation letter? I asked several friends to correct it, but still the job agency kept saying that there are still some mistakes (grammar or improper use of words?), but they simple didn't tell me what exact the mistakes are? Bit annoying, but they keep refusing my letter until it is in a good shape. Can you help me with this. Thanks lot!
Dear Sir or Madam (no colon required)
I’m writing this letterI would like to express my interest in the role of intern of Corporate Finance offered by Medical Credit Funds. I appreciate this opportunity and I would liketo provide more information about memyself.
I’mI am an Economics student inat Utrecht University, in The Netherlands. I’m expectingI expect to graduate to get my bachelor degreein Economics and Business Economics in April, 2013. During my economics study,My specialization is slightly morestudies have focused particularly on the financial trackaspects. I have completed a track ofvarious courses whichincluding corporate finance, financial markets, and international investment. etcThis provides the vision of what it would be like in the financial industry. I also studied Law as my minor, whichwhich accounted for takes upabout 25% of my bachelor degree.
Besides my regular economics study, I participate in many kinds of symposiums, seminars, and open lectures at
schooluniversity, in the areas of natural science, social science, humanity, language, etcand more. I diddo this purely for funmy own personal development. Some certificationsCertificates obtained from attending those events can be found in my CVsCV.
4thfourth year, I spent 2two months working inat a travel agency in Amsterdam, dealing with customers. The business mode was like any otherIt was a standard travel agency, renting villas, arranging trips, etc. My function was to provide assistance on the construction of their website, as well as on thecustomer service. For the 2ndsecond month of the internship, I was responsible for giving assistance toassisting my boss when he expanded his business in the Chinese market. It is basically a concept ofThe basic concept is the “City Card Amsterdam/Rotterdam” where youusers can enjoy a discounted rate on museum entrance fees/shopping, etc. when you have a card like this.We implemented this idea in China, andthe initial project we launched wasbeing the “City Card Shanghai”. For memy part, I put60% of my efforttime was spent on thecommunication/translation, and the restremaining 40% is about theactual decision-making on the project.
My previous experience shows that I am highly motivated with
astrong investment banking technical knowledge, and outstanding interpersonal and communication skills. In addition, I enjoy working with a diverse group of people, both withclients and co-workers. All I need or my future career isSome real-life experience in the field of investment management will benefit my future career prospects greatly, and this position in MCF canwill really help me to achieve my career goal.
I’dI would welcome the chanceopportunity to meet you to discuss how my education, experience and skills would be beneficial forto the MCF. You can reachcontact me viaby e-mail or telephone. Thank you for your time and consideration.
- For Teachers