Need help!

[dean1]

Hi. My friend needs to summit her entry sheet. Can u pls check the translation for her? Also, pls correct if you find the sentences arent appropriate.
many thanks
Here it goes:

I am a foreign student and I can speak English, Japanese, Mandarin, Malay as well as Cantonese. I want to take an active part on an international stage, thus I decided to start my career from foreign capital enterprise. Although my major is Electrical System, but I am also interested in computer and network related field. And that is why I ventured into the region of that particular field. When I was in college, my graduation research theme was Evaluation of 10Base and 100Base-TX Products. After I had my presentation at The Institute of Electronics, Information and Communication Engineers, it started me on looking for Information Technology related jobs and putting my knowledge of Electrical System to account. Therefore, by all means I would like to work in a prestigious international financial company and with my IT knowledge and linguistic competence, I believe I can help provide our society a better world.

[Tdol]

start my career from foreign capital enterprise- with/in
Electrical System, but I am- Systems, I am
network related field- network-related fields
into the region of that particular field- into this particular field
After I had my presentation- unclear; you give presentations, but this sounds as if she was accepterd for membership
started me on looking- started me looking
by all means I would like- I would greatly like
provide our society a - with a

[twostep]

Originally Posted by dean1

Hi. My friend needs to summit her entry sheet. Can u pls check the translation for her? Also, pls correct if you find the sentences arent appropriate.
many thanks
Here it goes:

I am a foreign student and I can - delete speak English, Japanese, Mandarin, Malay as well as Cantonese. I want to take an active part on an international stage, thus I decided to start my career from foreign capital enterprise. Although my major is Electrical System, but - delete I am also interested in computer and network related field. And -delete that is why I ventured into the region of that particular field. When I was in college, my graduation research theme was Evaluation of 10Base and 100Base-TX Products. After I had my presentation at The Institute of Electronics, Information and Communication Engineers, it - who are your referring to started me on looking for Information Technology related jobs and putting my knowledge of Electrical System to account. Therefore, by all means I would like to work in a prestigious international financial company and with my IT knowledge and linguistic competence, I believe I can help provide our society a better world.

Please look at the items marked in red.

[dean1]

Thanks a lot!