admission essays - business

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i wanted to put this under "please tell us anything else about yourself that you would like us to know when we review your application"

I feel that my academic record does not show my full potential. My participation in various outside activities shows another side of me. I believe learning is an important part of my life, however the importance of extracurricular activities I’ve participated in are equally important. That’s why I chose to dedicate a large proportion of my time to it.
It was out of curiosity that a group of friends and I joined the volleyball team in our sophomore year. It was not then a popular sport in my school community. With practice we developed a skill, team work and spirit that brought us good results in the China Cup Competition. From that moment, we promised ourselves that we would bring the school volleyball team into the heat. We attracted more students and continue building the HKIS volleyball team. As we spent more time and effort in practices, we successfully brought the volleyball team to a level higher than we could ever have expected. Other students paid greater attention to the team. This could be seen by the number of participants during tryouts. Most of the team and I will leave HKIS this year, but take the volleyball team pride with us and hope the effort we have put in will be continue by upcoming players. The HKIS A grade Varsity Volleyball Team made it in Division II through hard work over the past 3 years. As part of the starting six, playing as outside hitter, I received the Most Spirited Award on the volleyball A grade Varsity in my junior year and Unsung Hero Award on my senior year. My commitment to our volleyball team does not only apply to games and practices. In addition, I have joined the schools’ Dragonnet/sysops club as webmaster, where I strongly volunteered to be in charge of the schools’ volleyball team webpage. I have put together a webpage at home with pictures taken during the games and scores recorded after every game. My mission has been to update every student with the most recent news about our volleyball team.
I’ve been a very committed volleyball player during my high school years and I would like to pursue in college as well. The commitment to volleyball is one that I put great effort in.

and for the main one "tell us about educational goals, interest in your chosen programs and reasons for applying"

My current educational goal is to obtain a bachelor's degree.
During my college search during the beginning of my senior year, I found great interest in University of _________. As I read more brochures and articles about the University of _______, I experienced the warm feeling of having found an ideal college setting. The most attractive quality of University of _______ is that it could provide me with a dynamic place to learn through the opportunities that are willingly given to students. With its highly appreciated co-op programs, University of _______ can enhance me with its offer for new learning experience and internships. As a person that is actively committed in varsity sports, this secure and fulfilling campus can ensure that I will be able to find an athletic center to commit to and bring my skills to the community. In this medium undergraduate student body and diverse environment, I’m confident that my potential can be fully realized. Coming from an international city like Hong Kong, I know that _______’ diverse student body and urban setting would suit me well.
I remember at the start of my college search, I did not know where I would be heading in the future. As time went by, I had thoughtful conversations with my parents, friends and teachers, I developed a clearer understanding about my future. At the beginning of senior year, I became more certain of what I wanted to study and did thorough research on colleges. I plan to study business in _______, combined with honors arts or environment. Business combined with other aspects would surely create a great new experience for me. Specifically choosing a business education can provide me with many career opportunities. Through studying, I hope to gain a better understanding of practical and marketable skills with different elements. I learned of ________’s strong and flexible programs and believe that the ________’s “Honors arts and business” and “Environment and business” will fully prepare me for my future after college. The different combined business education offered at _________ is exactly what I seek, where learning is not limited to the classroom, where social sciences are integrated into the curriculum, and where a strong grounding of social science and liberal arts can help broaden my perspective in learning. At __________, I would have flexibility in shaping my learning and be able to take full advantage of the wide range of business programs offered.
I believe that ________ is a great fit for me because it offers the type of education I want in, an environment where I will thrive. I have a determined mind and a strong desire to excel. Through the opportunities offered at ____________, I am certain that I could aim for higher goals and achieve more.



thanks for the great help