Is my letter already good enough? Give me some opinion please!

[destiny99]

My name is L. I am a student currently enroll in ABC university.

With this letter, I would like to apply for the entrance of the ABC Programme at ABC University in 2008-2009. I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme for the 2008-2009 academic year.

I would like first to introduce briefly about myself. I was born in a family where my parents have strong belief that the most important thing their children should prepare themselves for a good future is education. I myself have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents especially my father and I always try my best to be the best student. Therefore, I have always become an excellent and top student of school from primary school to university. I always feel that I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

I describe myself as a highly motivated, initiative, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working individually and also working together in team. I easily adapt to new situations and make new friends. I am a person who always learns from my past mistakes and experiences more than anything else. That way, I rarely repeat my mistakes and I wish to become a better person closer toward my dreams and goals.

During my study, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in electronic especially using microcontroller and digital circuits. I have built some devices such as electronic dice, digital counter, digital LED game using microcontroller, and digital clock with alarm. Therefore, I become familiar with circuit designing and programming. I am familiar with programming with Matlab, P-Spice, Assembly Language and also designing circuit using Protel. In my courses, there are always project presentations every semester. This helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.

Though I enjoy my courses, I always have the dream to be able to continue my study in electrical engineering abroad. I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers, I decided to apply for the ABC Scholarship Programme in the ABC.

After a thorough search over the universities in the ABC, I decided to apply the admission at the ABC University. The very first reason I choose ABC University is because of its fascinating curriculum. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Meanwhile, located in ABC, a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study at ABC University would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different kind of people that will give me different point of views, thus, contributing for my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.

With high-quality instruction in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will have a pleasant stay as wonderful as it has been for previous participants. In addition, with my good skill in writing and speaking English, I will not have any difficulties in studying scientific subject in English.

Finally, I would kindly like to indicate my request in order to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme. I need a scholarship mainly because the tuition fees are extremely high for a non-EU student. In fact, I can not afford to continue my study abroad with my financial condition. I sincerely hope that my personal qualities and educational experience will be sufficient for you to consider me as an appropriate match.

Please find enclosed a completed application form with two passport-sized photographs, copies of my official transcripts and diplomas, and my curriculum vitae as per the requirements of application. Kindly contact me if you require any further details or documents.

I thank you for the time you spend reading this letter. I hope to hear from you in the near future regarding the state of admission.

Yours faithfully

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by destiny99

My name is L. I am a student currently enrolled in ABC university.

With this letter, I would like to apply for the entrance of the ABC Programme at ABC University in 2008-2009. I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme for the 2008-2009 academic year.

I would like first to briefly introduce myself. I come from a family that values education highly. I myself have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents especially my father and I always do the best I can at my studies. Therefore, I have always been one of the best students from primary school to university. I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

I am a highly motivated, initiative, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working individually and also good at working as part of a team. I easily adapt to new situations, and I make friends easily. I am a person who always learns from my mistakes. I rarely make the same mistake twice.

During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in electronics especially using microcontroller and digital circuits. I have built some devices such as electronic dice, digital counter, digital LED game using microcontroller, and digital clock with alarm. Therefore, I become familiar with circuit designing and programming. I am familiar with programming with Matlab, P-Spice, Assembly Language and also designing circuit using Protel. In my courses, there are always project presentations every semester. This helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.

Though I enjoy my courses, I always have the dream to be able to continue my study in electrical engineering abroad. I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers, I decided to apply for the ABC Scholarship Programme at ABC University.

After a thorough search over the universities in the ABC, I decided to apply the admission at the ABC University. The very first reason I choose ABC University is because of its fascinating curriculum. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Meanwhile, located in ABC, a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study at ABC University would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different kind of people that will give me different point of views, thus, contributing for my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.

With high-quality instruction in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will have a pleasant stay as wonderful as it has been for previous participants. In addition, with my good skill in writing and speaking English, I will not have any difficulties in studying scientific subject in English.

Finally, I would kindly like to indicate my request in order to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme. I need a scholarship mainly because the tuition fees are extremely high for a non-EU student. In fact, I can not afford to continue my study abroad in my financial condition. I sincerely hope that my personal qualities and educational experience will be sufficient for you to consider me an appropriate candidate for a scholarship.

Please find enclosed a completed application form with two passport-sized photographs, copies of my official transcripts and diplomas, and my curriculum vitae as per the requirements of application. Kindly contact me if you require any further details or documents.

I hope to hear from you in the near future regarding my application.

Yours faithfully

[destiny99]

Thanks RonBee. Now my letter is better than before. Could you give me some opinion about the strength of the letter too?

[destiny99]

Could anyone give me a suggestion about the content of my letter?
I actually really want to know more about the content rather than the grammar though.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by destiny99

My name is L. I am a student currently enroll in ABC university.

My name is L. I am a student currently enrolled in ABC university.

Originally Posted by destiny99

With this letter, I would like to apply for the entrance of the ABC Programme at ABC University in 2008-2009. I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme for the 2008-2009 academic year.

I would like to apply to enter the ABC Programme at ABC University in 2008-2009. I would also like to apply to be a candidate for the ABC Scholarship Programme for the 2008-2009 academic year.

I would say that as far as content the letter is fair to good.

[RonBee]

Too many words!

Originally Posted by destiny99

I would like first to introduce briefly about myself.

That is not good. Anybody who reads that might think you are confused.

Originally Posted by destiny99

I was born in a family where my parents have strong belief that the most important thing their children should prepare themselves for a good future is education. I myself have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents especially my father and I always try my best to be the best student. Therefore, I have always become an excellent and top student of school from primary school to university. I always feel that I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

My parents strongly believed in education, and they inculcated that belief in their children. I have always done as well at my studies as I could, and I have always been a good student. (I am particularly good at math.) I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

(Say: "I was born into a family....")

The original text is confusing and needs to be revised. Your ideas are good, but you express them poorly.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by destiny99

I describe myself as a highly motivated, initiative, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working individually and also working together in team. I easily adapt to new situations and make new friends. I am a person who always learns from my past mistakes and experiences more than anything else. That way, I rarely repeat my mistakes and I wish to become a better person closer toward my dreams and goals.

I am a highly-motivated, hard-working, ambitious person. I am good at working either as an individual or as part of a team. I easily adapt to new situations and readily make new friends. I always learn from my mistakes, and I rarely make the same mistake twice.

You need to learn how to use fewer words to say what you want to say. Also, you need to learn where to make paragraphs.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by destiny99

During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in electronics especially using microcontroller and digital circuits. I have built some devices such as electronic dice, digital counter, digital LED game using microcontroller, and digital clock with alarm. Therefore, I have become familiar with circuit designing and programming. I am familiar with programming with Matlab, P-Spice, Assembly Language and also designing circuits using Protel. In my courses, there are always project presentations every semester. Doing the presentations helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.

Though I enjoy my courses, I hope to be able to continue my studies in electrical engineering abroad. I have come to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers, I decided to apply for the ABC Scholarship Programme in the ABC.

After a thorough search over the universities in the ABC, I decided to apply for admission at the ABC University. The very first reason I choose ABC University is because of its fascinating curriculum. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

Meanwhile, located in ABC, a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study at ABC University would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different people, and that will acquaint me with different points of view, thus, contributing to my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.

With high-quality instruction in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will studying and learning at ABC University. In addition, with my good skill in writing and speaking English, I will not have any difficulties in studying scientific subjects in English.

Finally, I would kindly like to indicate my request in order to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme. I need a scholarship mainly because the tuition fees are extremely high for a non-EU student. In fact, I can not afford to continue my studies abroad without help of some sort. I sincerely hope that my personal qualities and educational experience will be sufficient for you to consider me an appropriate match.

Please find enclosed a completed application form with two passport-sized photographs, copies of my official transcripts and diplomas, and my curriculum vitae as per the requirements of application. Kindly contact me if you require any further details or documents.

I thank you for the time you spend reading this letter. I hope to hear from you in the near future regarding the state of admission.

Yours faithfully

[destiny99]

Thanks. Although it is quite late, I appreciate the help. It seems there is much more that I have to learn.

[RonBee]

Final note.

Re:

Finally, I would kindly like to indicate my request in order to be nominated for ABC Scholarship Programme.

Try:

I would very much like to be admitted to the ABC Scholarship Programme.