Motivation Letter, Take a Look Please...

[destiny99]

Hello guys, I make a new motivation letter for a scholarship. Please check it and give me some comments. In this motivation letter I have to answer the following questions:
- why you choose to study this program in A country
- what value the program would add to your previous education
- what the program would mean for your future career

The deadline is 15th January. I hope someone would be so kind to help me. This is my letter:

Sub: Application for H Scholarship in Electrical Engineering, 2008 – 2009

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is L. I am a student of P University and I am currently enrolled in the 6th semester of the Electrical Engineering Program, majoring in Electronics.

With this letter, I would like to apply for the H Scholarship for my Final Year of Bachelor’s Degree that will be conducted at F University in A country during the academic year 2008-2009.

Please allow me to briefly introduce myself. I was born in a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, especially my father, I always strive to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has been always on top of the class.

In addition to my academic activities, I also give time to my community. I take part in many social activities which give me the experiences of working together with many people from different background. Therefore, I can adapt to new situations and make friends easily. I am also comfortable with individual work as well as working together in a group.

I have an interest in Electrical Engineering especially the fields that relate to research. I wish to develop knowledge and skills in this area so I can become a good researcher. It is my dream to contribute for the development of this field in my country. However, my country has not taken such a great step in this field. After consulting some of my lecturers, I decided to apply for H Scholarship and to conduct my Final Year Bachelor’s Degree in A country.

This scholarship will provide me an opportunity of experiencing an international education. Being a country with many students from different culture and nationalities, A country is a perfect choice for me. I can meet different kind of people who will give me different point of views, which will be both valuable and enriching. This will improve my ability in interacting with other people from different culture and nationalities.


I believe this scholarship will open my path to do research in A country. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goal. I plan to continue my master degree and do research in A country if I can get this opportunity. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.

Please find enclosed all the required documents for the H scholarship. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further details or documents.

I thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

[heidita]

Originally Posted by destiny99

Hello guys, I make a new motivation letter for a scholarship. Please check it and give me some comments. In this motivation letter I have to answer the following questions:
- why you choose to study this program in A country
- what value the program would add to your previous education
- what the program would mean for your future career

The deadline is 15th January. I hope someone would be so kind to help me. This is my letter:

Sub: Application for H Scholarship in Electrical Engineering, 2008 – 2009

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is L. I am a student of P University and I am currently enrolled in the 6th semester of the Electrical Engineering Program, majoring in Electronics.

With this letter, I would like to apply for the H Scholarship for my Final Year of Bachelor’s Degree that will be conducted at F University in A country during the academic year 2008-2009.

Please allow me to briefly introduce myself. I was born in a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, especially my father, I have always striven to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has always been on top of the class.

In addition to my academic activities, I also give time to my community. I take part in many social activities experiencing work in a group together with many people from different backgrounds. Therefore, I can adapt to new situations and make friends easily. I am also comfortable with individual work......
I have an interest in Electrical Engineering especially the fields that relate to research. I wish to develop my knowledge and skills in this area in order to become a good researcher. It is my dream to contribute to the development of this field in my country. However, my country has not taken such a great step in this field. After consulting some of my lecturers, I decided to apply for H Scholarship and to conduct my Final Year Bachelor’s Degree in A country.

This scholarship will provide me an opportunity of experiencing an international education. Being a country with many students from different culture and nationalities, A country is a perfect choice for me. I can meet different kind of people who will give me different points of views, which will be both valuable and enriching. This will improve my ability in interacting with other people from different cultures and nationalities.


I believe this scholarship will open my path to do research in A country. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goal. I plan to continue my master degree and do research in A country if I can get this opportunity. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.

Please find enclosed all the required documents for the H scholarship. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further details or documents.

I thank you for your consideration, and I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

WEll done.

cheers

[destiny99]

Thanks for your correction heidita. I still have some questions though.
You add 's' in 'point of views' so it becomes 'points of views'. Is it correct because usually only one 's' is added to plural form. Shouldn't it become 'points of view' rather than 'points of views'?

I also made some correction regarding the last paragraph. I want some comment from you. Is it better or worse?

Here it is:

I believe this scholarship will open my path to do research in A country in the future. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goal. I will work hard and finish my bachelor degree with good result if I can get this opportunity. After that, I plan to continue my master degree and do research in A country. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.

I also want to know whether my letter answer the question given. What do you think?

[heidita]

Originally Posted by destiny99

Thanks for your correction heidita.

You're welcome.

You add 's' in 'point of views' so it becomes 'points of views'. Is it correct because usually only one 's' is added to plural form. Shouldn't it become 'points of view' rather than 'points of views'?

Sorry, didn't pay attention and didn't cross out the s in views. Yes, it must be points of view.

I believe this scholarship will clear my path to do research in A country in the future. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goal. I will work hard and surely finish my bachelor degree with a good result if I can get this opportunity. Later on, I plan to continue my master degree and do research in A country. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.

I also want to know whether my letter answers the question given. What do you think?

I believe you have done a good job. They will surely take you!

good luck!

cheers