please help me with checking my motivation letter

[krolto]

Hi, I'm a student from Poland and I make a motivation letter for an abroad program in Japan. I would be gratefull if some could check this and give me suggestions about what I should change (correct mistakes). It's really important for me. The letter should contain 3 main parts: Academic background, General reasons fo wanting to participate in the Vulcanus and Specyfic goals with regards to different parts of the programme.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am an undergraduate student of forth year of MSc in “Computer Science” at the Szczecin University of Technology. At the end of the second year of studies I have chosen “Specialized Computer Projecting” as my specialization. The studies gave me knowledge of the most recent computer technologies and the deep view of programming tools (both Hardware and Software languages). The whole third year I spent abroad at the “Hamk University of Applied Science” in Finland as a member of Socrates/Erasmus Program. As well as in Poland, in Finland I have achieved very high grades from all the courses. Last year, I have undertaken a second studies “Management and Production Engineering” at the Szczecin University of Technology. Simultaneously with my academic career I have been studying three foreign languages both at university and at privet schools: English since primary school becoming now a proficient user of this language, German since high school and last summer I have started to study Spanish.

Why Japan? The answer for this question is easy for me. Japan is an unquestionable world leader in advanced technology and machinery. I have always wanted to visit the country where are placed my favorite companies like Hitachi, Sony, Panasonic, Casio etc. I rate theirs products highly for innovation and perfect design. Moreover, oriental culture is really fascinating me. I like to spend time with Japanese people that I have got to know in Berlin, eat Japanese food, and talk about Japan. However, I had never occasion to travel to Japan. Why Vulcanus? It is also easy to answer. Vulcanus would give me a chance to go to Japan, feel Japan culture and learn from the bests. I would be honored to be given the opportunity to work in a prestigious company contributing to society with the world's most innovative technology.

I have several specific goals that I would like to achieve from Vulcanus: broaden my knowledge about Japan, develop my professional skills and learn Japanese (since I was a child I have always wanted to speak in one of the Asia language and now it would be nice to communicate with my Japanese friends in their mother language). I can assure that I am highly motivated to participate in every part of Vulcanus programme. From my point of view, I’m a person who is prepared to face with any problems that can appear during a stay in Japan. I can offer my knowledge and hard-work in order to develop any task assigned to me. I can show my tremendous willingness to solve any technical problem. Moreover, I am flexible and open minded and if it is needed I am able to work alone or as a part of a team.

To be a part of Vulcanus would be the best prize for my previous career. I know that I have a lot to learn from that experience but in exchange I have a lot to offer. Vulcanus can be a key point in my professional future. I am sure that there is nobody more enthusiastic about entering the programme than me. Please don’t hesitate to contact me by e-mail at xxxxxxx or by phone at (+48)60xxxxxx. Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by krolto

Hi, I'm a student from Poland and I wrote a motivational letter for a program in Japan. I would be grateful if someone could check this and give me suggestions about what I should change (correct mistakes). It's really important to me. The letter should contain three main parts: academic background, general reasons fo wanting to participate in the Vulcanus and specific goals with regards to different parts of the programme.

[krolto]

ok, I was writing this during last night but maybe you would be so polite to check the letter

[RonBee]

There are only a few things that need (IMO) to be changed. I suggest:

I undertook (instead of "I have undertaken....")
I began studying Spanish (instead of "I started to study Spanish")
world leader (instead of "unquestionable world leader")
their products
I rate their products highly for innovation and design.
Since I was a child I have always wanted to learn to speak one of the Asian languages.
I believe I would be a perfect fit for the position (at Vulcanus).

[krolto]

Thank you for your suggestions