letter of motivation, need someone to check it

[JuliaI]

Hey,
If someone could check my letter of motivation? Thank you! =)


Dear Sir or Madam,
I am hereby applying for entrance to the International Tourism Management program for the fall 2008 term.

I chose this program because of my interest in foreign countries and cultures. I have traveled to many countries for vacation, participated in several student exchanges to France and the UK and were - together with my family – hosts to exchange students from the US, France and Kazakhstan. The highlight of these experiences was a high school year in Canada from September 2005 to July 2006.
From June to August 2008 I will be working in a hotel in France in order to improve my French language skills and get some insight in the tourism sector.

Some characteristics a manager in the tourism sector should have are determination, the will to work hard and especially to work goal-oriented in teams. One should be foresighted and should be able to organize and coordinate one’s work in time. A very good command of the English language is necessary in today’s business and an additional foreign language gets more and more important in an international world as we have today. On top of that, the perspective to work for and with people looking for vacation or impressive events must be a pleasure I would really like to experience.

Because of my interests in an international career I was looking for a field of study that suits my interest in languages and other cultures preferably in the tourism sector. I found out about International Tourism Management at CHN while doing some online research on what to do after high school. I went to the Open Door in January 2007 in order to gain an insight of this field of study, the campus and the town. I really liked the campus of CHN and the people I talked to were very friendly, helpful and cooperative. I also liked Leeuwarden itself because it seems to be a good place to study and it probably offers a great atmosphere for students.
I like CHN because International Tourism Management is offered in English and CHN provides a lot of opportunities to gain further international experiences.
Moreover, I can continue my language studies in French, and start with Spanish and Dutch.
I also prefer the system of Problem-Based-Learning because one learns to work in groups with interesting people and how to apply the things one has learned, which is a good preparation for the job one will have at some point.

I think CHN should accept me as a student because I’m able to work hard and I am very flexible and motivated, interested in foreign languages and open for new impressions and experiences.

Thank you for considering my application
Sincerely yours

[susiedqq]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to apply for entrance to the International Tourism Management program for the Fall 2008 term.

I chose this program because of my interest in foreign countries and cultures. I have traveled to many countries for vacation, participated in several student exchanges to France and the UK and were - together with my family – hosts to exchange students from the US, France and Kazakhstan. The highlight of these experiences was a high school year in Canada from September 2005 to July 2006.

From June to August 2008 I will be working in a hotel in France in order to improve my French language skills and get insight in the tourism sector.

Some characteristics a manager in the tourism sector should have are determination, the will to work hard and especially to work goal-oriented in teams. One should be foresighted and should be able to organize and coordinate one’s work in time. A very good command of the English language is necessary in today’s business and an additional foreign language gets more and more important in an international world as we have today. On top of that, the perspective to work for and with people looking for vacation or impressive events must be a pleasure I would really like to experience.

(This entire paragraph stops talking about you and your goals. It describes the characteristics of a good manager. You need to re-write this paragraph and tell how you have some of these characteristics and will be able to learn these skills at CHN).

Because of my interests in an international career, I was looking for a field of study that suits my interest in languages and other cultures, preferably in the tourism sector. I found out about International Tourism Management at CHN while doing some online research on what to do after high school. I went to the Open Door in January 2007 in order to gain an insight of this field of study, the campus and the town. I really liked the campus of CHN and the people I talked to were very friendly, helpful and cooperative. I also liked Leeuwarden itself because it seems to be a good place to study and it seemed to offer a great atmosphere for students.

I chose CHN because the International Tourism Management program is offered in English and provides many opportunities to gain further international experience.
Moreover, I can continue my language studies in French, and begin Spanish and Dutch. I also was impressed with the system of Problem-Based-Learning because it prepares the student to work in groups with interesting people and shows how to apply the things one has learned in the tourism industry.

I am able to work hard and am very flexible and motivated, interested in foreign languages and open for new impressions and experiences. For these reasons, I think I would be a good candidate for the CHN program.

Thank you for considering my application

Sincerely yours