Please correct my cover letter as soon as possible, thx :)

[supergirl_]

Dear Human Resource Department,

I am very interested in the "Accountant" position advertised on Al Ahram newspaper. I recently graduated from the french department of the faculty of commerce (Ain shams University) and I am actively seeking employment in the field of accounting/finance.

I am actually working as a financial data analyst at XYZ company: a multinational financial data provider company. My current work consists of analyzing the financial data within the annual reports of various companies using an Oracle system.

Throughout my years of education at faculty, I have been studying commerce in 3 languages: French, English and Arabic.

I have enclosed my resume for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[CzechOne]

Hi Supergirl,

first of all, it would be best if you address your letter to the Human Resources Department, but open the letter itself by writing the "Dear" part to a person.

Anyway, here's my corrected version. Notes are in square brackets and don't form part of the actual text but do include suggestions that you may wish to add in. My suggested "clean" version (minus all the notes) follows below it. I hope this helps you!


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am very interested in the "Accountant" position advertised in the Al Ahram newspaper [NOTE: Add the date after the word "newspaper" like this: on Jan 26 2008]. I recently graduated from the French department of the Faculty of Commerce at Ain shams University and I am actively seeking employment in the field of accounting/finance.

I am presently working as a financial data analyst at XYZ company, which is a multinational financial data provider company [NOTE: Or, you could say "which is a multinational company providing financial data"]. My current duties consist of analyzing the financial data within the annual reports of various companies, using an Oracle system. [The comma is needed here because (I assume) you are using an Oracle system, not the various companies.]

Throughout my years of education at the Faculty, I studied commerce in 3 languages: French, English and Arabic. [NOTE: We use past simple tense here (studied) and not "have been studying" because you have already graduated, so your action (of studying) is in the past and not the present. This means that present perfect continuous tense should not be used.]

I have enclosed my resume for your review. Thank you for considering my application. [NOTE: I think it looks better to thank them for what they are doing rather than mentioning "time". After the thank-you sentence, I always recommend to my students that they add something like: I look forward to hearing from you soon, and am available for an interview at whatever time is suitable for you.
There is a bit of psychology in this. Notice that I don't recommend "I hope to hear from you soon" or similar: that's a bit too timid. By stating that you look forward to hearing from them, it shows that you believe you are good enough. This indicates that you have a strong and positive attitude and the following phrase also shows that you are flexible. These are good qualities and employers value them.]

Yours sincerely,

"Clean" version:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am very interested in the "Accountant" position advertised in the Al Ahram newspaper on . I recently graduated from the French department of the Faculty of Commerce at Ain shams University and I am actively seeking employment in the field of accounting/finance.

I am presently working as a financial data analyst at XYZ company, which is a multinational company providing financial data. My current duties consist of analyzing the financial data within the annual reports of various companies, using an Oracle system.

Throughout my years of education at the Faculty, I studied commerce in 3 languages: French, English and Arabic. I have enclosed my resume for your review. Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you soon, and am available for an interview at whatever time is suitable for you.

Yours sincerely,

(Your signature here)

(Your printed name here)

[supergirl_]

THNXXXX a lot, this really helped me =]

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by CzechOne

.

Your advice is very good. In fact, it is so good that I have been hesitant to make any suggestions. However, here goes.




Suggested change:

I am very interested in the accountant position advertised in the Al Ahram newspaper on xx xx xxxx.

Since accountant is not a proper noun, I don't think it should be capitalized.




Number two:

Throughout my years of education at Ain shams University, I studied commerce in three languages: French, English and Arabic.

Since "faculty" refers to the teachers at a school, college or university, I don't think the word fits here. Instead, I suggest using "school", "college" or "department".


What do you think?



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[rastirizvi@yahoo.com]

Hi,
According to "The Chambers" we can use "Faculty"for the department of learning at a university.

[Anglika]

In UK usage, "Faculty" is the department; in US usage, it has a less restricted usage and refers to the staff of the department.

Ain shams University may well use the UK form. However, I would rephrase your sentence as: Throughout my years of university education, I have been studying commerce in 3 languages: French, English and Arabic.