Thank you for your correction of my resume and cover letter

[Athena_zhao]

If I want to apply a position of the Human Resource Department of the siemens company. I don't know whether my resume and cover letter is appropriate.
please give me some professional guidance, thank you! :D

cover letter

Dear Sir

With the application to the assistant position.

I am the graduate of the Shanghai University, I am interested in applying for the assistant position in the Human Resource Department.

Once I was an assistant of the manager of the Human Resource Department, so I have some experience on this position. At the same time the study in my university gave me some support to this position.

I think I am a studious staff, I will try my best to finish my task. I am also good at the teamwork, so I feel I will be suitable to this position. On the other hand, I like your company very much indeed, it is an effective, innovated and harmonious company. If I can become your staff, I am sure I will be successful.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

resume

Yan Zhao

Room 501, Deyuan Road NO.16,
Nanxiang, Jiading, Shanghai, China, 201800
HT:59000000 MT: 13800000000
EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead

Summary of Qualification

Computer literate: Microsoft Office, Flash, Internet Search
Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6
Successful team leader
Japanese beginner

Relevant Course Work

Organizational Behavior: Management, Motivation and Organization skills Commerce Communication: Communication skills
Commerce English: English in a business environment

Education

Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC) Shanghai University Shanghai, China
Diploma of Shanghai University in International trade July, 2003
Bachelor Degree in International Economics and Trade July, 2005
Received scholarships in 2001, 2002 and 2004

Xinli College Shanghai, China
Customs Courses commenced April, 2004

Experience

Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company Shanghai, China
Secretary of the Human Resource Department from June to August, 2002
Assisted the manager, dealt with the materials, typed the documents

Tutor Taught a Japanese manager Chinese and English from February to august, 2003
Taught a girl English from September to December, 2003
Teaching a boy English, Chinese and Math since January, 2004

[RonBee]

Say:

• I want to apply for the position of....

Say:

• I am a graduate of....

:)

[Tdol]

Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6

Native Chinese speaker, fluent in English, passed CET 6

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

If I want to apply a position of the Human Resource Department of the siemens company. I don't know whether my resume and cover letter is appropriate.
please give me some professional guidance, thank you! :D

It needs some revision.

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

cover letter

Dear Sir

With the application to the assistant position.

I am the graduate of the Shanghai University, I am interested in applying for the assistant position in the Human Resource Department.

Delete the first line.

Say:

• I am a graduate of Shanghai University, and I am applying for the position of assistant....

Be more specific. (There must be several assistant positions.)

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

Once I was an assistant of the manager of the Human Resource Department, so I have some experience on this position. At the same time the study in my university gave me some support to this position.

Say:

• At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department (Where?), so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

I think I am a studious staff, I will try my best to finish my task. I am also good at the teamwork, so I feel I will be suitable to this position. On the other hand, I like your company very much indeed, it is an effective, innovated and harmonious company. If I can become your staff, I am sure I will be successful.

Try:

• I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working withj others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking comoany such as yours.

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

That is good.

:)

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

resume

Yanli Zhao

Room 201, Deyuan Road NO.14,
Nanxiang, Jiading, Shanghai, China, 201802
HT:59126303 MT: 13818936686
EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead

Summary of Qualification

Computer literate: Microsoft Office, Flash, Internet Search
Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6
Successful team leader
Japanese beginner

Relevant Course Work

Organizational Behavior: Management, Motivation and Organization skills Commerce Communication: Communication skills
Commerce English: English in a business environment

Say:

• Summary of Qualifications

I suggest that you delete Japanese beginner.

I suggest that you say Commercial English or Business English.

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

Education

Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC) Shanghai University Shanghai, China
Diploma of Shanghai University in International trade July, 2003
Bachelor Degree in International Economics and Trade July, 2005
Received scholarships in 2001, 2002 and 2004

Xinli College Shanghai, China
Customs Courses commenced April, 2004

Experience

Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company Shanghai, China
Secretary of the Human Resource Department from June to August, 2002
Assisted the manager, dealt with the materials, typed the documents

Say:

• Received diploma from....

SAy:

• Received Bachelor's degree in International Economics and Trade from....

Originally Posted by Athena_zhao

Tutor Taught a Japanese manager Chinese and English from February to august, 2003
Taught a girl English from September to December, 2003
Teaching a boy English, Chinese and Math since January, 2004

Delete Tutor in first line.

:)

[twostep]

Originally Posted by RonBee

It needs some revision.

Delete the first line.

Say:

• I am a graduate of Shanghai University, and I am applying for the position of assistant....

Be more specific. (There must be several assistant positions.)

Say:

• At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department (Where?), so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

Try:

• I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working withj others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking comoany such as yours.

That is good.

:)

Say:

• Summary of Qualifications

I suggest that you delete Japanese beginner.

I suggest that you say Commercial English or Business English.

Say:

• Received diploma from....

SAy:

• Received Bachelor's degree in International Economics and Trade from....

Delete Tutor in first line.

:)

Athena - would you please post a resume with the changes suggested so far. Thank you.

[Athena_zhao]

In China, our cover letter is very long, we will say many things about our qualification, experience, reason about the application, and so on.
But the Foreign cover letter is short, is that OK? Should I say more things?

cover letter

Dear Sir

I am a graduate of the Shanghai University, I am applying for the position of assistant in the Human Resource Department.

At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department of Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company, so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working with others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking company such as yours.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

now there are so many resume and cover letter, how can I do a special resume and letter to catch the manager's eyes? I feel it is difficult.

[Tdol]

A cover letter should be short- we like letters short in English.

[Athena_zhao]

I see :D
thank you for your help.

[Tdol]

Yours faithfully

Athena


Use first and last name.

[Athena_zhao]

Chinese Pinyin

Yanli Zhao

or

English name

Athena Zhao

thank you!