My cover letter & resume

Cover letter
Return Address:EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead Date: October 17th 2004
Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd
Adress:EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead
RE: Possible Employment
Dear Manager of HR:
> In a manner of speaking, I would graduate from Shanghai University College and set foot in social works. Dring the preiod of schooling, I gradually developed my opinion that it is significat to insist in self view and exploit potential self ability. Besides the school life, I also spend my leisure time in joining in social practice. I still make contact with the company which I make practial training at every holiday. Many of them are dealing with exporting industry. I understand the distinction between the theory and practice through practising.And I learned that permantly remember do homework before making any business. That means comprehensive market research.
> In my view, I hope to become a member of Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd.And I expect to be given a opportunity to serve as the occupation related to the markeing filed. Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd attract me because of three reasons. Firstly, I'm enthusiastic about automobile naturaly. I always observe the automobile markets abroad and domestic and collect the information referred to cars. Secondary, it is said that Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd enforce training the member of the ability, I think I could learned much experience and skill from my work. I want become a man who not only simply enjoy automobile but also deeply understand automobile.Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd
> is a ideal platform. The last but not least is the company's purpose. It is “中国路， 大众心”. When the advertisment appeared in TV, it make me absolutely faith that Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd is the most suitable for me. I warmly anticipate to make controbution our Chinese vechile industry.And find out the car culture which really fit Chinese. Finally, I real hope I qualified with the staff in Shanghai Volkswagen Automotive Co.Ltd.
> Sincerely,
Johnny

Resume
Personal information

English name: Johnny Chinese name: Yang Bin
Sex: Male Date of birth: March 14st , 1984
Place of birth: Shanghai Telephone: (021) 62156751
Email address: EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead Marital Status: Unmarried

Education
2002.9—2005.6 International Business, SILC, Shanghai University
Academic Main Courses
College English, Business English, International Finance, International Management, Organizational Behavior, Accounting, Business Communication, Business Writing Report, Microeconomic, Macroeconomic, Global Marketing, International Business law, International Trade, Data Base, etc
Work experience
2004.6-2004.8 Worked in Shanghai Dongxin Garments Co.,LTD.
Mainly in charge of processing the users
Computer Abilities:
Skilled in use of Win 2000/XP, Office2003, Frontpage, Photoshop, Auto CAD, Basic programme
English Skills
Have a good command of both spoken and written
Other:
Enjoy facing challenges and risk. Aggressive, independent and be able to work under a dynamic environment. Have coordination skills, teamwork spirit. Social ability is my strength.

[Tdol]

Johnny,

This needs a lot of reworking in detail:

In a manner of speaking, I would graduate from Shanghai University College and set foot in social works.

Firstly, 'in a mannerof speaaking' doesn't fit here. If yougraduate 'in a manner of speaking', I would interpret that as an unsuccessful graduation. Secondly, shouldn't it be 'will' not 'would'? I wouldn't use'set foot'; this means enter something and not stay long, rather than embarkon a career in social work (no's')